Apologetix - Hotel Can't Afford Ya Lyrics

(This is a parody of Hotel California by The Eagles)

From a dark desert highway we pulled into the inn
Rome called for a census, I was from Bethlehem
Up above from a distance a star was giving me light
My wife was heavy ‘cause her child was due
We had to stop for the night

So I stood in the doorway of Bethlehem hotel
And I was thinking to myself "I hope to heaven they'll give me some help"
But they told us no-can-do and they sent me away
"There's a place around the corner though where you both can stay"

Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya
Such a lovely place but we're out of space
Ran out of room and the hotel can't afford ya
It's the time of year with the census here

My wife was definitely gifted, that's what the Lord's angel said
She was about to have a baby boy while still virgin
Spent the night in the barnyard, cheap slumlord's rent
Some night to remember, some night to forget

So because of what happened I was grieving for my wife
I said "They probably haven't cleaned in here since B.C. 65"
Animal voices were calling for straw and hay
Keeping you up through the middle of the night just as if to say…

Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya
Such a lovely place, but we're out of space
Holiday rush and the hotel can't afford ya
What a nice surprise for your silent night

He was born that evening and shepherds came that night
And they said "We're all just visitors here of the Holy Christ"
And in an ass's manger, they found the boy asleep
They started getting teary eyed so they went back to their sheep

Last thing I remember there were wise men at the door
They had a bunch of packages from the place they were before
"We're late," said the wise men "We had problems Christmas Eve
We've been checking out your shiny light all through the Middle East"