Abbreviated Life Expectancy - The Tragedy Of The Carpet Lyrics

I was walking down the hall looking at the carpet one day and I thought,
"Hey, what if I was a carpet? I think I'd be pretty angry!"
I really feel sorry for carpets
They get get walked on all the time
They have food spilt on them
People even throw up on them
How would you feel if someone walked all over with their stinky bare feet all the time?
You wouldn't like it.
I'm not even gonna get into what pets do on carpets.
I think we need to consider carpet's feelings more often.
For example, I let my carpet sleep in my bed while I sleep on the floor.
My carpet deserves it.
It's slept on the floor for a long, long time and it needs a good bed every now and then.
As it laid in my bed, I told it a story and it went right to sleep.
It didn't even snore.
That's how cool carpets really are.
And don't let me catch you walking on a carpet
I will stick up for them. And when they grow legs and arms they will be able to take care of
themselves and take over this planet
Afterall, we are inferior to them.
I bought some suction cups so I can crawl along the walls
Now I never have to walk on the carpets anymore and they've thanked me for it.
There is a problem, however.
Now I'm pissing off the walls.
So I tried the ceiling, but it got angry too.
I I would try to levitate myself in midaire, but then all of the
oxygen molecules would get pissed at me as well
Maybe I should just kill myself?
Wait, no...
Then the ground that I occupy when I'm burried will get pissed too
I guess there's just no hope.