Adrenis - Contemplate Lyrics

Often times I reminisce
I sit in place and contemplate
Things that have been scrawled in my fate
I sit around all day
Playing games inside my brain
I imagine things
Things I wish that I could change
And things that I hated
Everything to me that's sacred
Made me complacent
I let things go said I would face em
But can't escape them
I got better then I worse
It's a vicious cycle
Shut my mouth and count my words
I've been in denial

I'm not the man that I once was/
I let my friends down and my parent
I don't know where to go I'm not tough
My past has beat me down it plays rough

I contemplate the past I had and
How I've always been sad
Never had a dad around I
Handled things myself
Walking to and from that hell
Sometimes I dwell
Makes me feel better when I'm not well
Who can I tell
That I struggle
Lots I know
I always fumble
When I should grow
I tend to mumble
And I talk slow
I stay humble
And help yall though
I feel puzzled
I who do I show
When I stumble
I'm bipo
Lar and troubled
Need help I know

I'm not the man that I once was
I let my friends down and my parents
I don't know where to go I'm not tough
My past has beat me down it plays rough

I come home from work and i fight with my mother
And I just get hurt by the burdens I shoulder
And I do not get along with my brother
I wish that I could but the friendship is over
I'm picking all of the fights with my girl
It makes me so anxious I wish I could hurl
I try get better and it is for her
I hope she knows that I'm down forever
I suffer from post traumatic stress
Got obsessive thoughts and I'm depressed
I go to work and I'm so stressed
I got this bad pain right in my chest
I think I might have a heart attack
But the lord knows that I'm only a teen
Everyone knows that I'm only eighteen
I haven't lived much and I do not feel free

I'm not the man that I once was
I let my friends down and my parents
I don't know where to go I'm not tough
My past has beat me down it plays rough