[ Featuring Co. ]
I'm not looking for renown, but I'd love to be revered
My greatest fear is stagnation in my blood sweat and tears
In the retrospective, I regret my whole career
Can't persevere past feeling like I'm bringing up the rear
I'm never satisfied on the inside
I've tried to confide in my contemporaries, but that shit is temporary
Extemporaneous lamentation is famous
The simultaneous salience colors in all the gradients
No room for a gray area, binary hysteria
Creeping up on me like mental wisteria
It's mysterious. Interior interrogation
Got reality distorted like chromatic aberration
Got a toxic fixation on my current situation
The culmination of my hesitation is self denigration
Every ideation tells me I could be whatever I wanted to be
So why can't I be happy?
This shit's insidious, ain't it?
The grass is always greener 'cause envy is my demeanor
So I try to keep it sedated
But comparison is driving me to spite and impropriety
This shit's insidious, ain't it?
The grass is always greener 'cause envy is my demeanor
So I try to keep it sedated
But comparison is driving me to spite and impropriety
My outward pride is performative
While my internalized rhetoric is largely in the pejorative
The more I give to this work the less it feels I can take
I hate making this salary just for salary's sake
What would I give to live in a place of self content
I try to tell myself I'm making the rent
But my self-important ego thinks I'm better than that
I can't shake off the feeling I'm eternally trapped
In this hell hole of my own masochistic narration
Frustration is the top of mind because I'm f*cking impatient
The state of my mental health has my apartment a mess
Instead of wanting for more, why can't I settle for less
Any hobbies I've loved have turned to ash in my hands
I can't stand the way that nothing went according to plan
My demands are simple and don't involve any wealth
So tell me how do I feel good about myself?
This shit's insidious, ain't it?
The grass is always greener 'cause envy is my demeanor
So I try to keep it sedated
But comparison is driving me to spite and impropriety
This shit's insidious, ain't it?
The grass is always greener 'cause envy is my demeanor
So I try to keep it sedated
But comparison is driving me to spite and impropriety
I'm sick of feeling like shit and wallowing inside my
Angst. Sick of hating on myself, I wish I gave myself
Thanks. I made it. Complaining's doing me no good
So why can't I just feel triumphant when I know that I should?
I'm victorious. And getting here was laborious
I thought this shit would make me feel complete and be glorious
So I'm furious. I've got a hole in my chest
Do my best to fill it until I lay down to rest
I know I sound ungrateful. I'm not trying to be
Objectively, I see that I've fulfilled all my needs
I know I'm hyper privileged and I take it for granted
Sown the seeds of my own egotism; tried to unplant them
This anthem I've been spitting is a way to unlearn
The things that I've expected and instead hope to earn
It's my turn to be humble, the time is now
I just gotta figure out how
This shit's insidious, ain't it?
The grass is always greener 'cause envy is my demeanor
So I try to keep it sedated
But comparison is driving me to spite and impropriety
This shit's insidious, ain't it?
The grass is always greener 'cause envy is my demeanor
So I try to keep it sedated
But comparison is driving me to spite and impropriety
