Ten Years Video (MV)

It's difficult to admit, I'm the reciprocal of what I should have been
I'm the opposite of my own intent. I gave up something that I didn't intend
It's illogical, paradoxical, How I keep thinking I'm unstoppable
As time goes on it seems improbable, as I waste away, impossible
Blinded by a vision that I'd get a revision
Because I'd hoped for something more than a just wrong decision
But Am I capable? It's inescapable. Rewriting the equation I'm insatiable
I'm hungry for the truth, so I eat the staples
Sustenance by the tooth and nail
Consumed with guilt from the truth that I built but still, I wait at the table

And remain stable. Stay calm, ready, willing, and able
Between grave and cradle, how many sacrifices made until Cain killed Abel
Tell a few fables. Ask a lot of questions
If you ignore the loss then you forgot the lesson
Often moving on is not progression. Start the car with no direction
Pedal to the metal till you blow the engine
Strength as a weapon comes with consequences
You can take a new beginning to a dead end, and then
When the opportunity pulls up, open the door and you get in
But if cynicism is a sin, consider this a confession

I lack conviction, a self-inflicted victim
Too conflicted or too afraid. Maintained by my own constraints
I accept the blame but it kills me all the same
A decade lost just to contemplate what lead to my mistakes
And I've watched how they cascade, what a waste
What would it take to erase
The thousand times I've tried to retrace the page
But I've always been too late. I guess I just tread water, for the sake

Stayed afloat for days. Never got close to the shore
I don't have the guts to give up
But I am so much closer than I have ever come before
Now I'm playing tug-of-war, with the other half of me
That thinks I never should've wanted something more than exactly what life asked of me
Blasphemy. I wouldn't call it a tragedy
Happily pose for a family photo, but they don't know what goes on inside of me
Put up a front, look tough to the ones who still love and inspire me
But if signs of struggle slow us down then I'll bare my burdens quietly