It started within me
A cold weight within the core of who I think I am
And therefore have become more of who I'm not
Hidden beneath layers of pretense fostered by an offense
That germinated into a grotesque creature
With the name "codependence" etched
Deep within its deranged forehead
My self-sustained heart creates a painful need
Rooted in the stronghold of fear
Holding me in a vice-like grip of a soul addiction state of mind
Causing me to be tied to another soul of an opposite kind
With drug-like delirious desperation fueled by an agitation with a need for validation and affirmation even though it has no conviction when spoken in my ear
That opposite soul speaks from strange lips
A False tongue Dipped in a rehearsed algorithm
Replete with phrases rehearsed with perfect voice pitch
To play me
Use me
Roll me in that ditch of desperation
Void of a love that's for real
For they themselves have a need of me
To be cruel
To relish in a false authority
We both live in a twisted codependency
Afraid of authenticity
I put myself through all this hellish torment
To cover my exposed heart
Justify My rattled mind
Trying to sooth the conviction of refusing Him
...Jesus
Who loves me with perfection - just as I am
Yet I insist and persist in this dead end relation...ship
...with bondage
It's not the various acts and scenes that play out
Nor the actors, the directors or costume makers
It is none of these
They simply reflect the condition of my own heart
I have rejected God
Codependence has to do with my sin
For I have refused to avail myself to Him
To admit my guilt
To humble myself
To surrender my pets
To lay down my life
To take up my cross
To pay the price
To become a living sacrifice
The enemy has lied
Led me to believe
That You won't let me be me
Makes me feel so unworthy
That Giving Jesus my all and all is an absurdity
This twisted narrative has only kept me perverted
In my rationale
Blinded to the beauty of rest found only in Him
Codependence has robbed me of seeing the joy
Of being soul free
Of giving up the dead life
Of bearing a blessed cross
Of paying a small price
To know, I've been chosen by Him to
Be a living sacrifice
Embracing eternity
I decree
I declare
I lift my soul alone to Him
I make my souls confession
I believe in His death and resurrection
That He is the only begotten
Son of the Living God
I thank you my Heavenly Father, for bringing me to YOUR Spirit and to truth
I reject the old man
I have been born again
I am now your son, your daughter
For godly sorrow has brought deep repentance
I no longer will live the lie of a life
As a victim of codependence