Anchorage Blue - Rearview Lyrics

I should've died that night
I should've lost it all, in hindsight
The rearview reflection of my life
Now seems so pointless and undefined
I wasn't scared of the other side
It was a permanence I thought I could always defy
And I did that night, I danced with death
And I walked away with bleeding hands and a tremble in my step.

I'm a nervous wreck
A constant worry, an endless panic
I'm probably better off dead

There's a car crash in my head
Burning with existential dread
Lay me down in the coffin of my regret
Is this life worth living?

I cried that night, almost as much as when papa died
I walked that thin red line,
And I saw my life flash before my parents' eyes
I wasn't scared of the prospect of dying
I was terrified of my family lying
My lifeless body down for one final sleep
And the maggots eating away at my disease

I feel so weak
I'm unscathed, and it's killing me
I'm caving in with my dreams

When I die what will I see?
Will I wake up beneath my grave
Screaming into the bleak eternity?
Is life that unforgiving?

I saw everything end while nothing actually did
The shattered glass wrote on my palms
As my hands released from the steering wheel
And I could feel my spirit hugging my spine
Holding onto my body as tightly as the seatbelt held me
My family wept into my hospital gown
And I breathed sigh after sigh of relief

I was a deer in my own headlights
And it's taken me a long time to realize
That this is why I survived
I will thrive

I am alive

I could've died that night
I could've lost it all, in hindsight
The rearview reflection of my life
Now seems so meaningful and redefined