Alright I'm gonna dial 9-1, then when my heart stops, you dial the other 1
Props to the people that start with Tequila
Why drink water when vodka is cheaper
Y'all created a Monster that was coated in Cheetos
And wrapped the flag around a double deep fried burrito
Rest stop coffee can't stop being up late
Standing in a hundred person line for a cupcake
Hang another flag y'all, Band-Aid the landscape
Uncle Sam doesn't need another man's mandate
Person date? Trans date? I ain't trying to aggravate
Tail gate the parking lot and BBQ the sad away
Bye bye Ms. American Pie
I pledge allegiance to doctors that are keeping me high
Double down on Double Downs, bulk shopping
Grease up the Freedom Fries and supersize the coffin
Cop a couple Kids Meal Mc-OxyContins
Of course addiction is a problem, America is awesome
24 hour convenience
For when you need the intravenous of the hot dog chorizos
And get that bottomless soda
Liquor, hand gun, bible, all delivered to your sofa
Celebrate another That's That
You deserve it man, you put some miles on that Snap Chat
'Cause freedom don't divide by ten
This is what it means to be American
Like, Watch I'll aim low, and try even less
So no matter what I do, it's considered a success
Listen to the words I speak, I ain't lyin'
The first step to failure is tryin'
Can't live without my WiFi, iLife, I'm
Waiting on that McFly hover board til I die
My eyes are pies, pizza's part of me
Upload a slice of stuffed crust into my arteries
Factories torn down, turn to apartments
The only thing made in the States now is content
Renewed our lease so we're part of the problem
Patch it with a poster from the Summer Box Office
Spend Sunday at the drive through gun range
Burger Church, drug barn, vending wedding, buffet
One stop get it all done, make it easy
Now I got so much more time for TV
Greasy! Raw Dog! Donuts! Self serve
Football, $5 coffee, and welfare
Beyoncé, Bodegas, and Macy's
Cop the five cent refund on a can of stolen spray cheese
Kardash-ians, Florida, threesomes
Baseball, bail bonds, and beef guns
Never knew that it existed, but now I know I need one
Seems dumb, but man, this is what we're calling freedom
24 hour convenience
For when you need the intravenous of the hot dog chorizos
And get that bottomless soda
Liquor, hand gun, bible, all delivered to your sofa
Celebrate another That's That
You deserve it girl, you put some miles on that Snap Chat
'Cause freedom don't divide by ten
This is what it means to be American
Man I've been making changes
'Cause I've been waking up on the daily feelin straight aimless
Realized, no longer need to be famous
Just trying to reach a place I'm happy where my name is
Crossing borders and maybe staying
Just playing, just lookin a new place to play in
See what my friends think, ask them to weigh in
They call me a traitor, but man I ain't trading
I'm just tracking down the treasures I was told are for the taking
I mean, I think the States are dope and I'm not afraid to state it
I got a lot of states too, or at least a lot of statements
Try to keep it out the negative, make payments
Maybe I should try to learn to speak another language
Maybe I'll commit to what I'm planning
Maybe I should make the best album on the planet
Or maybe I should just go make a sandwich
Kill your passion with distractions