Bo Burnham - New Math Lyrics

What's a Pirate minus the ship?
Just a Creative Homeless Guy

And an Anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant?
An Ironic Way to Die

And what's domain, domain range?
A kid with too much in his pants

And Two balls minus one?
Six titles at the Tour de France

Split a decison with long division
Take the Circumfrence of your Circumcision

Live like your Data and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get

Is New Math

What's a bag of Chips divided by Five?
That's a Nike worker's meal

And Santa Claus multiplied by "I"?
Well I guess that makes him real

And the Square Root of the NBA?
Is Africa in a Box

How do you trace a Scatter Plot?
You Give the Pencil to Michael J. Fox

Take the approximate moral proportion of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion

Live like you data, when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get

Is New Math

And if you made a factor tree of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You'd have a tree... full of Asain Porn

C A L C U Later

Mathematical Minds make industrial Smog

And what's the opposite of LNX?
Duraflame the unnatural log

Support the farmer's with a proTRACTOR

Link Kennedy and Lincoln with the Common Factor

Live like your data blah blah

Alright Word Problems

If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop with a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy
In order to predict his volume change you'll need to know the value of Pi (Pie)

And there's a metal train that's a mile long an at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her
How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese
what are the odds that a man chosen at random spends his free time and meal time on his knees

And if Kim is half as old as Bobby who is two years older than twelve year old Tori
For how many more Thirty day months will their threesomes be considered statutory Rape
Cause Math can be Sexy

Cause havin Sex is like Quadratic Expansion
If it can't be split then it's time to stop

And havin Sex is like doing Fraction
It's Improper for the Larger one to be on Top

And havin Sex is like math homework
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed

And Squarin Number are just like Women
If they're under Thirteen just do them in you head

[Thanks to billysimmons12 for adding these lyrics]