BARZ! - Portishead Lyrics

I been tryna do this shit my whole life
Sometimes it don't ever seem to go right

I don't know my purpose why, yeah
I wake up and don't wanna try, yeah
And some days I just wanna die, yeah
And mama pray I see the light, yeah

But when the shit ain't goin' right
And I barely make enough to even get by
One day, I'ma make 'em all see the light
If time is what it takes, it may not be tonight

I remember we used to sit at Shari's, talk about kids, get married
You'd sit and tear me down when I said I'm a visionary
She couldn't see that I was quick to bury
Feelings and mood was different, everyday the shit could vary
When I heard the kick & snare keep loopin' on the drum machine
That's when I felt like I could be myself, it's troubling
That she would stifle that and fight me back with other things that
I did in the past, relivin' the fact that we both f*ckin' cheated
So you get defensive now, throw fits, and stay annoyed
But that picket fence is down, and that picture frame destroyed
That's some shit you can't avoid tryna fix a gaping void
Got me at war with myself ready to get the tanks deployed
I'm tired of being angry, I think I've said a lot
You tired of waiting on me, even if I get a shot
The old me's dead and gone, I think we should get a plot
And the tombstone'll read that Jerad's now in hell to rot

Broadcasting live, from the place that you ashamed to be from
Just give it a year of livin' up here, watch how insane you become
When David Brame blew out his brains, my ex was datin' his son
And open mics got shot up, everybody hit the pavement and run
I made a deal with the devil to get my shit to sell
Spent the last year climbin' out the pits of hell
My enemies I wish 'em well, you put me in ya story
That won't be a motherf*ckin' story that you live to tell
Causin' static, automatic, I should get some help
Don't gotta shop for fabrics just to make my presence felt
When they asked me who was next, that's when I said myself
I'm permafried but every verse is fire, f*ck my mental health
I just wanted a platform to rap and perform
And leave the whole stage trashed like a graduate's dorm
Jumped into a situation that seemed average and norm
But I guess I didn't see every angle like amateur porn
The homie told me I don't need to save hoes, you'll be hella guarded
Trust me, that game's gold like the Zelda cartridge
We don't follow the same codes, this ain't the health department
But I make 'em hang it up quick like I telemarket
This music, I'll never part with, it's a part of me
But please don't think you won't be charged a fee for this artistry
Arguably, I'm the hardest, please pardon me
If I'm carvin' deep scars in each of ya arms and feet
Watchin' arteries start to bleed