[ Featuring Elsie Lovelock ]
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me kind of strange
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a changeAnd I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And dear lady, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeedThose poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty please?"
And I help them
Yes I doThe men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle babble for?Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets a manCome on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead
Make your choice
I'm a very busy person and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Look out world, here I've got her now
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soulBeluga sevruga
Come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larengix glaucitis
Et max laryngitis
La voce to meNow, sing
Keep singing!
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeedThose poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty please?"
And I help them
Yes I doThose poor, unfortunate souls!
