Bo Burnham - New Math [Live] Lyrics

So here's a song that takes
Something that's not so fun, math,
And makes it offensive

What's a pirate minus the ship?
Just a creative homeless guy
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant?
An ironic way to die

And what's domain, domain, range
A kid with too much in his pants
And two balls minus one?
Seven titles at the Tour de France

Split a decision with long division,
Take the circumference of your circumcision
Live like your data and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get

It's new math

What's a bag of chips divided by five,
Well that's a Nike workers' meal
And Santa clause multiplied by I?
Well I guess that makes him real

And the square root of the NBA?
Is Africa in a box
How do you trace a scatter plot?
Give the pencil to Michael J Fox

Take the approximate moral proportion
Of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
Live like your data, and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get

It's new, it's new, it's new, it's new
It's new math

And if you made a factor tree
Of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You'd have a tree
Full of Asian porn

See A-L, see you later (C-A-L-C-U-LATOR)
Mathematical minds make industrial smog
And what's the opposite of natural logarithm
Dura flame, the unnatural log


Support the farmers with a pro-tractor,
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common factor
Live like your data, and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get

Yeah it's new, it's new, it's new,
It's new, it's new math
Word problems

If there's a fat guy in a pastry shop
With a twenty dollar bill and he's ready to buy,
In order to predict his volume change
You'll need to know the value of pi

And there's a metal train that's a mile long
And at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
How long 'til it reaches and kills the driver,
Provided that he's a good conductor,

And if ten percent of men are gay
And twenty percent of men are Chinese,
What are the odds that a man chosen at random
Spends his free time at mealtime while on his knees

And if Kim is half as old as Bobby
Who is two years older than twelve year old Tori,
For how many more thirty day months
Will their threesomes be considered statutory rape

Because math can be sexy

Cause having sex is like quadratic expansion
If it can't be split then it's time to stop,
And having sex is like doing fractions,
It's improper for the larger one to be on top,

And having sex is like math homework,
I do it best when I'm alone in my bed.
And squaring numbers are just like women,
If they're under thirteen just do them in your head

It's new math