By Jeeves - The Hallo Song Lyrics

BERTIE
It's an English tradition
We like to say hallo
We hope by shaking hands that we'll recall your name
We work on that basis, remembering faces
But that's about all
I know you're somebody something
It's on the tip of my tongue
You're either Edith Sitwell or the Bow Street Beak
I'll know who you are, the moment you speak ...
But meanwhile, just put in right there
How do you do?

BUDGE
How do you do?

GUSSIE
How do you do?

BERTIE
Hallo again...

BUDGE
How goes it all?

GUSSIE
Good day to you

BERTIE
You keeping fit?

BUDGE
So great to meet you

GUSSIE
It's been an age

BERTIE
A tiny world

BUDGE
How do you -

GUSSIE
How do you -

BERTIE
How do you -

BUDGE
How do you -

ALL
How do you do?

BUDGE
How's life with you?

GUSSIE
Good evening all

BERTIE
You're looking well

BUDGE
Well, hi there, stranger

GUSSIE
Surprise, surprise

BERTIE
What could be nicer, meeting like this?
I confess I've forgotten
Who on earth you can be
It could be you're Nijinsky or the man next door-

BUDGE
How do you -

GUSSIE
How do you -

BERTIE
How do you -

BUDGE
How do you -

ALL
How do you do?

GUSSIE
You're either Pablo Picasso

BUDGE
Or maybe Harpo Marx

BERTIE
You might be Sarah Bernhardt - no, you're Wittgenstein

GUSSIE
Whoever I am though, the pleasure's all mine

BUDGE
Let's take it and shake it right there

BERTIE
Well, fancy this

GUSSIE
It's surely not?

BUDGE
I can't believe

BERTIE
Good Lord alive!

GUSSIE
How long's it been?

BUDGE
You've hardly changed

BERTIE
You've lost some weight

GUSSIE
I can't believe it!

BUDGE
It's been a while

BERTIE
You're just the same

BUDGE
How do you -

GUSSIE
How do you -

BERTIE
How do you -

BUDGE
How do you -

ALL
How do you do?

GUSSIE
What brings you here?

BERTIE
How's life back home?

BUDGE
How's business been?

GUSSIE
And how's your father?

BERTIE
My sainted aunt!
What could be better, meeting like this?
Though I haven't an inkling
Not a clue who you are
You could be Amy Johnson

BUDGE
No, I'm Al Capone. How do you -

GUSSIE
How do you -

BERTIE
How do you -

BUDGE
How do you -

ALL
How do you do?

BUDGE
Aren't you Marlene Dietrich?

GUSSIE
I think I'm Bernard Shaw

BERTIE
It really doesn't matter who on earth you are
The truth of it all is our friendship's been far
Too long now to bother with names
It's just another episode
In the Wooster moral code
Let's extend the hand of greeting

ALL
Hallo there, whoever you are
How do you do