To Whom It May Concern, Pt 3 Lyrics by Colicche

It′s like i have no other option but to keep going
I feel like ive been through so much but who hasn't?
You know theres things ive done that are just to difficult to accept
I mean I capture moments of solace But its inconsistent
And to know who I am forget the future and where I′m going
First you must comprehend my past
Where I've been

Remain imageless
Still revealing how I feel
Believe what you want my journey tells that me God is real
Restitutions getting paid another court case
A collard shirt, tie, underneath my North Face
I think about it and I'm praying that she misses me
But I don't exist to her regardless of our history
My life's open, privacy's non-existent
When it comes to sharing my story
I've never been resistant

Anything ive ever felt was honest
I have said it
Was upsetted by the pain embedded
And actions regretted
Never synthetic
I lie a lot and say I'm copacetic
Although many days I struggle dont give myself enough credit
The past is catching up but I′m a fast runner
I couldn't move another inch 'cause I was trapped under
Another bad decision mixed with a brash blunder
I almost took my motherf*cking life last summer
I felt on top of the world nothing could stop me
But that's a red light indicator, cocky
Confident enough to know I'm never exempt from
The hideous torture and all the actions I repent

I′ll speak up
And make sure I'll rap clear
As I tell you about my life over the last half year
Listen
Ive got a story to tell with pure rhymes
Look
I was glowing in the dark for the forth time
But then I fell short through the course of a manic night
And why′d I get high?
Just say that I couldnt handle life
I call it normal but you call it self-abuse
As I sit and reminisce about the last time that I used
I did too much
Was on the verge of going out
Nodded out for 8 hours, outside, front of my house
In my drivers seat, drift away, until I feel nothing
I woke up the next morning
Car still running

I called my best friend and told her how I felt
Then she met me at a restaurant and offered me some help
She looked me in the eyes and said
"Whats it gonna take?"
And I remember crying, tears rolling off my face

I broke the tip, as I'm tossing the syringe
And not to minimize it, it was just a minor binge
Look, I need to change though, somethings gotta give
As I′m thinking to myself this aint the life I wanna live
I need to change though somethings gotta give
As I'm thinking to myself this ain′t the life I wanna live
So alone I wrote "Come Back Home"
I wrote about my feelings then I put them in a poem

Melancholy was embedded in my doubt
I never hold it in, look I always let it out
As I lick the stamps dry, comfort, fed it in my mouth
And I had issues so I headed down south
Was unaware of anything that's gonna happen
Covered eyes, the summertime my personality was fractured
Suitcase filled, gone fast, my luggage packed
And I really didn't know if I would ever come back
I jumped in my car, left, drove 600 miles
Appetite for freedom, I can hear my stomach growl
I left behind it all my family, job, and my friends
Again I′m touching this spiritual journey internal amends

Im ready God
Get ready for a fresh start
I'm ready Chas
I′m ready for the next part
Kept to myself, worked, stayed off the internet
Was on a higher level, social media's the devil
Now a southern king, went to meetings, did my thing
And I was truly unaware of what my future's gonna bring
The change of scenery, tremendously was merciful
The topic of discussion, next, to me is highly personal
Never would I talk about or dare would I speak
About the praying that I do and did my prayers on the beach
Many nights, hours I would pray
No exaggeration needed, hours I would pray

Sitting in the sand staring at the stars
I would listen to the ocean thinking how′d I get this far
A million times though I should have been dead
Compulsive noghtmares running through my head
It's like I was kept alive to do this music
To put on computers
Just to touch the ignorant while I'm reaching these drug abusers
And let them know that any change is possible
And you don't have to give up when your training for a obstacle
I think about thw past, tears watering my eyes
The song "Lost Ones" still makes me cry
The older me is the biggest coward that I've defeated
Portions of regret are getting louder when repeated
My demeanors not conceited, prevalent demons when bleeding
Is there trust in what I say or am I just a non-believer
I′m grateful for my life even when I couldn't manage mine
I′m looking past the psych ward, visits, ambulance rides
Another opportunity, another chance to try
So why you think I'm feeling proud when I shake the hand of a fan of mine
Talking to myself, pondering the past
I close my eyes with these questions that I ask

Can I still trust even after the betrayel?
Can ibremain strong even when I'm feeling frail?
Can I remain loyal through the harm that you have caused?
Can i still practice faith, when im not feeling a God?
Can i stay humble not arrogant as well?
Can I touch a piece of heaven as I′m living in this hell?
Can i be honest with you even as im lying to myself?
Can I do this all alone or do i gotta ask for help?

I thank God that i dont have a single secret
I'm as open as I am while my integrity′s increasing
Id leave the ocean and return back to my residence
My safe haven, embracing, was truly heaven sent
One of my best friends hiss wife
And his little girl helped me change my
Views and my perceptions of this world
So thankful I could never pay them back
Perhaps you hear the sincerity in the way that I rap
Its like, honestly, look, they helped save my life
And I aint ever giving up 'cause my mother raised me right
And I'm the type that strike the night
With a viscous, invasive fight
And if I stayed there up in Pittsburgh
Look I might of took my life

It's not a f*cking joke
With some orchestrated plans and them premeditated notes
The respirator broke
I was having trouble breathing
Listen, that time away was the therapy that I needed
And after two months
Said good bye to the Carolina′s
The beauty was ignored to the point where I was blinded
My phones filled with pictures of kids that aren't mine
Scrolling through my photos got me through some hard times
And it, seems I struggle with any level I hit
I've experienced the pleasures I′ll truly never forget
I came home, sat on the corner of my bed
As I'm staring at the wall, these racing thoughts are in my head

I wanna talk, but there's no one there to listen
I want to scream and shout about this life that I envision
Look, I can't explain it but i just felt different
I felt beyond blessed for my traveled expedition, listen
I remember cooking coke inside the kitchen
Not to sell, but to inject, my family suffered from addiction
No depictions of different living through the pictures that I draw
Why the f*ck do you think I go so hard, give it my all?

Every word, every bar is handcrafted
Words are just words till you put them into action
Every lyric written is written with love
And every lyric that I write, yes, I always write in blood
While your socializing, eating dinner with your friends
I'm in a room all by myself, beat bumping with a pen
Writing constantly, grinding, like its a written assignment
I'm trying to build a legacy in this solitary confinement

I want to inspire with words that I have said
I want to touch lives even after I am dead
I want to make an impact with the songs that I′ve created
Look, I've never cared about awards, or getting nominated
I want my mother to be proud of her son
I want my sister to be proud of the man that I have become, came
Whatever it takes
My elbows on the matress
I don′t want to see them crying standing over my open casket
Collapsing through the chaos from these numerous distractions
As I′m tragically giving you the definition of passion
You call it rapping, I call it discussing what has happened
You call it poetry, I call it conditioned reactions

Let their voices ricochet
How dare you criticize me for the choices that I made?
You crave attention like a addict needs a fix
And obviously you're hungry, if you're talking, you can eat a dick
I've never cared
You can gossip all you want
I′ll accumulate a million things then drop them all at once
Throwing in the towel as I try and get my life together
Went from rainy dark clouds to the nicest weather
Never my endeavors ever go unnoticed thats a promise
I have a God above me and to him im staying honest
Sacrafice, I'm willing to pay the price
The night at the convention, one of rhw greatest of my life
There′s certain people that I think about and it
Makes me so happy for their Blessings that I count
And accomplishments they conqour too often I see this monster
Inside of me, I'm dealing and killing it proper
The beginong of this month though was f*cking insane
From then agitated emotions to this uncomfortable change
I seen freedom, but I couldn′t follow through
And I would give myself a chance but look I gave them all to you

Last week, held a half a bundle in my hand
The way i operate I'll never fully understand
Starting over is one bad decision away
I penetrate the ventilation then watch the illusion fade

So let's reiterate this is not a f*cking joke
I could blink and see death in a second and never choke
A calm, quiet mind is what I′m missing the most
But I know from my experience to never give up hope
I made it through another day, another week
If I said it, then I meant it never studder when I speak
Earning trust through the leassons that I′ve learned
I rap and write about my life to whom it may concern

[Thanks to melissa.werline37 for adding these lyrics]