CalenRaps - Wrong State Of Mind Lyrics

Been reminiscing on the
Family gatherings
Never appreciated
The time I was having
While I was having it
Didn't show gratitude
Til I looked back at it
Had happiness
Now don't even have half of it
Tragedy happened quick
Auntie got cancer
I wish I could help her battle it
But I don't have have enough
To offer anything extravagant
Check my account
And it's as empty as my cabinets
I know I'm the catalyst
When everything negative
Asking God for the same blessings
Gets repetitive
Even when I'm on tour
Stressing in Connecticut
Can't move my heart forward
Unless I get a sedative
Settled in my bloodstream
Loss of my connections
Got me questioning what love means
Ever since recess
I haven't seen a upswing
Even though I've passed every test
But a drug screen
Ain't no way this life fair
But I'm saying my prayers
Running straight at my fears
Cuz I'm way too familiar
With the taste of my tears
To be thinking somebody
Gon save us round here
Life ain't never do us
Any favors I swear
Remember picking up the phone
Universal on line
I was thinking I was on
It still hurts me everytime
Looking back at it
Having high hopes
Always been a bad habit
I been meaning to break
So faded can't tell if
I'm asleep or awake
When everyday a nightmare
That's a easy mistake
Remember thinking death
Sounded like the sweetest escape
But that was just a mindset
I let my demons create
Had to break free
Like I got the key to the gate
Niggas hate me
That's okay cuz we can we relate
Never looked in mirror
Like what I'm seeing is great
Just another thing
I need to embrace

Deserve it but never shine
This nothing but the last bit
Of courage I could find
Even when it's
Perfectly aligned
It's right place
Wrong state of mind
The hardest part is
The hardest part's trying
When you thought they had your back
But nobody got a spine
Pops called
And I promised I was fine
I wonder if he caught that I was lying

And I been missing when
The vibe felt different
Never appreciated
The life I was living
While I was living it
If I showed anything
I just showed bitterness
Reminiscing on it
Make me feel so ignorant
Rissa still sick and shit
If I had a wish
Then I would get rid of it
But I don't have enough
To offer anything significant
Check my bank account
And it's resembling my emptiness
And I been seeking fulfillment
Since back when we was
School children
With the squad
Shit J could've went abroad
I had to realize my mental is a gift from God
Now I really feel like I can lift the odds
For all my fam
Til it's in our favor
Bro called me in a jam
I'll hit him back later
Way gamble with my life
You'd think I went to the raiders
Spend my time like I'm spending my paper
And waste it on the wrong things
Lying to myself everyday
Claiming that I'm gon change
It's long shot
And I ain't good
From long range
Trynna smell the flowers
That haven't even came
It's about how it's framed