Captains of the Head - The Ballad of the Captains of the Head Lyrics

Captains of the Head is what they call us
We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor
We'll come to your town to clean all your toilets
Drink you under the table, and f*ck all your whores

My name's Don River, I was born in the Southland
Downstream from Cunt River where cocksuckers grow
Raised by wolves and played in the salt mines
Learned sex from a hooker with 3 extra holes
Set sail one day after visiting Sea World
F*cked a broad that looked like Shamu
I'm a Captain of the Head so you better salute me
Or I'll stab your blowhole with my big pink harpoon

Captains of the Head is what they call us
We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor
Conceived on a hump day & born on Fat Tuesday
Breastfed by our mothers until we were four

My name is Gar, I was born in the Westland
From the Cult of Blue Oyster, I carry the mark
Performed as a queen and sang for Churchill
The only thing that I won't f*ck is a shark
How I'd love to take you out to a gay bar
But I'd rather squeeze this here box
I'm a Captain of the Head, so you better salute me
And I hope that you like sniffin' coke off a cock

Captains of the Head is what they call us
We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor
The greatest band from Key West to Detroit
From Dublin to Nassau but who's keeping score

My name is Rod, I was born in the Eastland
I always speak softly and carry a big cock
The son of Rocco, I was born to wander
Makin' women bow legged after we f*ck
Lived the Pub Life with a pirate named Strangler
Whip my Snake Out once in awhile
I'm Captain of the Head so you'd better salute me
Or your mother and sister are getting defiled

Captains of the Head is what they call us
We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor
We can eat all the pussy from here to China
And a half hour later we'll be hungry for more

And a half hour later we'll be hungry for more