if i did Video (MV)

Wish I could tell you how I'm feeling but I don't know
One day I'm high
The next I feel so low
I lose my mind just to gain some control
But end up crying on the bedroom floor
Proud of myself for reasons you'll never know
Fighting my battles, sometimes on my own
Wish I could tell you
But if I did
Uh oh if I did
If I did
They would be mad
If I told you the secrets that we have
They wouldn't understand my reasoning
For speaking through my silence
Break the peace, she "attention seeks"
But my lungs need air, my body screams
Sometimes it feels like I'm just surviving
I'm losing sleep from nightmares I thought were gone
Drowning in coffee
Thought I could work it off
I'm late to class pretending nothing's wrong
But end up crying in a bathroom stall
Proud of myself for reasons you'll never know
Fighting my battles sometimes on my own
Wish I could tell you but if I did
Uh oh if I did, if I did
They would be mad
If I told you the secrets that we have
They wouldn't understand my reasoning
For speaking through my silence
Break the peace, she "attention seeks"
But my lungs need air, my body screams
Sometimes it feels like I'm just surviving
One step forward
I can see the gold light
Calling closer
Telling me it's alright
To hate this hurting
Cus somewhere here I'm learning to speak up
They might be mad
If I told you the secrets that we have
They wouldn't understand my reasoning
For speaking through my silence
Break the peace "she attention seeks"
But my lungs need air, my body screams
Sometimes it feels like I'm just surviving