ContraVein - OfSuicide Lyrics

Picture yourself walking down the street in my shoes
Doing everything I can to expedite the views
Maybe I seem amused but I pay my dues in booze
And if you think I'm vibing then for you I've got some news
Switch it back up, so now you're in your little house
Maybe you've got yourself a little fickle spouse
Sittin there, shitting there, and all you do is grouse
Complaining 'bout my music usin' words you can't pronounce
How do you think that's supposed to make me feel
While I'm sitting here trynna make some music that's real ill
I'm listening to these beats, looking for a chord to kill
But when I hear y'all hating that shit hurts for real
I used to go to sleep without having any fear
If I died that night then I really wouldn't care
That was 'fore I had this music that is bumping in your ear
Now I've got something to live for and it's sittin' right here
Sittin' In the studio, known as "The Pad"
Thinkin' philosophical or thinking that I'm rad
I was hoping being paranoid would only be a fad
But now I'm reading David Hume and he don't really sound too bad
He was that crazy guy who wrote "Of Suicide"
An essay speakin' 'bout the feelings we used to have to hide
All the thoughts and feelings that i wanna keep inside
But if you look into my mind, you'll be surprised with what you find
Now I rest me head, but rest my head I can't
No matter when I sleep, I think about the things I ain't
I ain't dead, but I'm scared, I ain't famous in the faintest
And the underlying fact that I will never be the greatest
If I ain't the illest, then what's the point in livin'?
If I ain't the illest then I ain't making them millies
If i ain't makin' then millies, then i ain't makin' a killin'
And If I ain't makin' a killin', then what's the point in livin'?
I promise to y'all that I'm not suicidal
I don't wanna be known worldwide cuz I died young
I just wanna have that sense of fulfillment
I wanna be at the point where I've had enough achievement
Whether it's making millions or showing off my brilliance
Having children feeling that sense it commitment
I'm trying to be better writin' letters to transition
This transition is enriching and I ain't need no assistance
I take my time and write my rhymes though i know you don't believe me
Why is that? Cuz sometimes my delivery is deceiving
Alliteration and narration always add affect and are appeasing
But my flow, oh no oh, it's always intriguing
I try my best all the time to have my homies backs
It used to be a fact that my courage never lacked
To save a homies back I was willing to get wacked
But now I'm paranoid so I can only talk some smack
Switching up my stance and I hope it's not too late
It's time to talk about my third mixtape
History repeats itself and I don't wanna repeat myself
But every album has a rhythm that nobody's picking up
Contra was a dream, Pursuit was my feelings
Now I'm talking about all this shit that I be hearing
Started off with melodies then shifted into rapping bars
That's how my first album went then I started seeing starts
The Pursuit was bout a breakup takin' us through the stages
Again went from melodies to spittin out them bars
Now we're here, in the present, let's describe these songs
This mixtape is broken down into two parts
First I'm gonna spit these bars, talkin' 'bout my problems
Maybe I will also tell you that I'm real awesome
Then we gonna get real chill and take a trip into the stars
And just like that, here's the next song