Elvis Costello - Armed Forces Album Lyrics

[Chorus:]
Oliver's army is here to stay
Oliver's army are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
But here today

There was a checkpoint Charlie
He didn't crack a smile
But it's no laughing party
When you've been on the murder mile

Only takes one itchy trigger
One more widow, one less white nigger

[Chorus]

Hong Kong is up for grabs
London is full of Arabs
We could be in Palestine
Overrun by a Chinese line
With the boys from the Mersey and the Thames and the Tyne

But there's no danger
It's a professional career
Though it could be arranged
With just a word in Mr. Churchill's ear

If you're out of luck or out of work
We could send you to Johannesburg

[Chorus]

So you take her to the pictures
Trying to become a fixture
Inch by inch trying to reach her
All the way through the second feature
Worrying about your physical fitness
Tell me how you got this sickness, Oh ohhhh..

I was caught in the suction
By a face like a truncheon
I was down upon one knee
Stroking her vanity

I was stuck on a hammerhead
I came alive and left for dead
As my face returned to red
Choking on my pride and pity

We can talk (we can talk)
Until your face is blue (till your face is blue)
We can talk but she'll get to you
After you've been loved and hated
By the ones you've watched and waited
Found that they were overrated

She'll be the one - when the party's over
She'll be the one - when the girls have gone home
She'll be the one - that you'll wish you'd held onto
She'll be the one - but it's too late for you to
She'll be the one - who knows all your history
She'll be the one -

So you can cross her off your list
And you try so hard
And you try so hard
And you try so hard
To be like the big boys, oh.

Oh you'll never be the guilty party girl
Maybe someday we can go hiding from this world
Maybe I'll never get over the change in style
But I don't want to lock you up and say you're mine
Don't want to lose you or say goodbye
I'm the guilty party and I want my slice
But I know you've got me and I'm in a grip-like vise.

They can't touch me now
You say you don't mind
We're so hard to find
I could give you anything
I would give you anything
I can give you anything but time

Give you anything but time [Repeats]

Goon squad
They've come to look you over and they're giving you the eye
Goon squad
They want you to come out to play
You'd better say goodbye

Some grow just like their dads
And some grow up too tall
Some go drinking with the lads
Some don't grow up at all

And you must find the proper place
For everything you see
But you'll never get to make a lampshade out of me

I could join a chain of males or be the missing (a) link
Looking for a lucky girl to put me in the pink
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the

Good squad ....

Mother, Father, I'm doing so well
I'm making such progress now that you can hardly tell
I fit in a little dedication
With one eye on the clock
They caught you under medication
You could be in for a shock

Thinking up the alibis that ev'ryone's forgotten
Just another mummy's boy gone to rotten
They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the rod
But I never thought they'd put me in the

Goon squad....

You check her outline
Break her regulations
You watch her legs through several
Service stations

Busy bodies
Very busy
Getting nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere

Now you're ready for the merger
With the company you're part of
And you do the dirty business
With your latest sleeping partner

You're becoming
Automatic
Busy bodies
Out playing with the traffic

You want attention
You try my patience
With the best intentions you are nothing but a nuisance

Busy bodies
Busy busy
Getting nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere

Now you've given your performance
Though the matinee was idle
And you find that a wave of her right hand
Could seem so tidal

Just a second
Satisfaction
Busy bodies
Temporarily out of action

You wash and brush up
You want to dress up
You want to kiss her
But she's busy with her makeup

Busy bodies
Very busy
Getting nowhere
Nowhere [x6]

Moods for moderns [x4]

Though we may never be the same again
I am so proud that you've been taken in vain

What if none of your dreams come true?
I can never run from you
There's never been a how d'you do
There's never been an ending
Soon you'll belong to someone else
And I will be your stranger just pretending

[Chorus:]
Moods for moderns
Memory lingers
I let you into
Foreign fingers

Moods for moderns [x4]

I never thought that would see the day
I never thought that I would give you away

[Chorus]

Moods for moderns
Let them break us
Strong and sudden
Foreign fingers

I'll face the music
I'll face the facts
Even when we walk in polka dots and chequer slacks

Bowing and squawking
Running after titbits
Bobbing and squinting
Just like a nitwit

[Chorus:]
Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
Down in the basement

I need my head examined
I need my eyes excited
I'd like to join the party
But I was not invited
You make a member of me
I'll be delighted

I wouldn't cry for lost souls, you might drown
Dirty words for dirty minds
Written in a toilet town

Dial me a Valentine
She's a smooth operator
It's all so calculated
She's got a calculator
She's my soft touch typewriter
And I'm the great dictator

[Chorus]

A simple game of self-respect
You flick a switch and the world goes off
Nobody jumps as you expect
I would have thought you would have had enough by now

You call selective dating
For some effective mating
I thought I'd let you down, dear
But you were just deflating

I knew right from the start
We'd end up hating
Pictures of the merchandise
Plastered on the wall
We can look so long as we don't have to talk at all

You say you'll never know him
He's an unnatural man
He doesn't want your pleasure
He wants as no one can
He wants to know the names of
All those he's better than

[Chorus]

I will return
I will not burn
[Repeats]