Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP Album Lyrics

[Guy:]
This is another public service announcement, brought to you in part by Slim Shady. Slim Shady does not give a f*ck what you think. If you don't like it, you can suck his f*cking cock! Little did you know, upon purchasing this album, you have just kissed his ass. Slim Shady is fed up with your shit, and he's going to kill you. [whispers:] anything else?

[Eminem:] Yeah, sue me

You could make me a believer
Even if that shit ain't true
You gon' make me commit murder
Baby, I'd kill for you

In my eyes
Even if you are wrong, you are right
Even if there is a terrible crime
It's alright, 'cause I got your back, and I know you got mine
I belong to the church of your name
Sing a song, 'cause I worship the ground you walk on
If I pray for you, I know you'll be there
You gon' make me a believer
Even if that shit ain't true
You gon' make me commit murder
Baby, I'd kill for you

In my bed I believe every word that you've said
Just a kiss and you make me forget
All the bad, the battles we lost, the bodies we hid
You don't know, just how far I'd be willing to go
You put the cracks into my moral code
So you can count on me to always be there

You could make me a believer
Even if that shit ain't true
You gon' make me commit murder
Baby, I'd kill for you

Oh, Lord, forgive my weary hands
And for what they may do
I'll carry out his evil plans
If he wants me to

In your dream, you're drowning, I just waltzed in and saved you
I'm your alternate escape route, the altar you pray to
Your ultimate savior, your behavior is altered
Ain't your fault 'cause I made you
Brainwashed and persuade you
Gibraltar, you're faithful, never falter or waver
When you causing the danger I'm your guardian angel
Nobody can tell you shit, you've already made your
Mind just follow me, babe, you
Won't be sorry you stayed, you
Always ride, whatever the plan is
To the end, even if I led us into an ambush
Even if we robbed the First National and cops caught us redhanded
They're coming at us, and we're trapped, put our backs up
Against the wall, and it's too tall
You catapult me or hold the ladder for me
Stay back to get captured, take the fall
You make it all worth it
Baby doll, you're perfect the way you are
Accidents happen
All I know is you love me, that's really all that matters
And any who cross our paths are just collateral damage
At your side, got your lateral, back, your front, diagonal Backwards, blackbirds, we attack like animals
When they threaten what we have it's a natural reaction
You lay a bitch flat on her back in a second flat for me
Who tries to take your man from you
It's blasphemy, another casualty, you'll go whatever route
Whatever you have to do, you blast for me
I never doubt
That you

You could make me a believer
Even if that shit ain't true
You gon' make me commit murder
Baby, I'd kill for you

[instrumental for the first 0:19 of this song]
[thunderstorm with rain fall in the background]
[piano plays softly leading up to Eminem's rap]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways; eff it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'm a call her? I'm a name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some [silent] who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground stuff that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the stuff you did with Rawkus too, that sh... was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

[Chorus: Elton John]
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
Oh I can't see at all!
And even if I could it would all be gray
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad
Not so bad...

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's messed up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you
For four hours and you just said, "No"
That's pretty crummy man - you're like his favorite idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
You would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're sayin in your songs
So when I have a crummy day, I drift away and put 'em on
Cause I don't really got [edit] else so that [edit] helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan - P.S. - we should be together too

[Chorus: Elton John]

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sendin you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doin 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drownin
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I loved you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you go to sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim; {*screaming*} Shut up {*edited*}! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shoot, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this tape out?
[car tires squeal] [CRASH]
... [brief silence]... [LOUD splash]

[Chorus: Elton John]

[Eminem]
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
And here's an autograph for your brother, I wrote it on a Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that sh... intentionally just to diss you
But what's this stuff you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that stuff just clownin dawg, c'mon - how messed up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counselin
To help your ass from bouncin off the walls when you get down some
And what's this junk about us meant to be together?
That type of crap'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
Or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
Why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy bit
I seen this one {*edit*} on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove this car over a bridge
And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was... it was you
Damn!

[audience screams and applauds]

Paul, yo, um
So I got your message, I wish you would answer the f*ckin' phone
Um
Turn right
No, I don't plan to reply to everybody who f*ckin' says something f*cked up about me
But I will say this, I was reading some comments last night about, like
What people are f*ckin' saying about Revival
And, uh
Yo, this Yahoo mother f*cker, whatever the f*ck his name is
Said I, literally said I rhymed "rhymes" with "chimes"
"Sucker free, confidence high
Such a breeze when I pen rhymes"
Like, you don't understand I'm rhyming the entire f*ckin' sentence you f*ckin' moron
It's my fault 'cause you're f*ckin' stupid
But I swear to God this motherf*cker lives in Michigan and I think I figured out his address
And I'm on my way to his f*ckin' house right now
Turn left
I'll hit you back later

(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd)
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Mic check, one-two
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Who would've knew?
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Who would've known?
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) F*ck would've thought?
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Motherf*cker comes out
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) Sells a couple of million records
(I never knew I, knew I, knew I'd) And these motherf*ckers hit the ceiling
(I never knew I'd)

I don't do Black music, I don't do white music
I make fight music for high school kids
I put lives at risk when I drive like this
I put wives at risk with a knife like this (ah)
Shit, you probably think I'm in your tape deck now
I'm in the back seat of your truck with duct tape stretched out
Ducked the f*ck way down, waitin' to straight jump out
Put it over your mouth, and grab you by the face, what now?
Oh, you want me to watch my mouth?
How? Take my f*ckin' eyeballs out and turn them around?
Look, I'll burn your f*ckin' house down, circle around
And hit the hydrant
So you can't put your burnin' furniture out (oh my God, oh my God)
I'm sorry, there must be a mix-up
You want me to fix up lyrics
While our President gets his dick sucked?
F*ck that, take drugs, rape sluts
Make fun of gay clubs, men who wear make-up
Get aware, wake up, get a sense of humor
Quit tryin' to censor music, this is for your kid's amusement (the kids)
But don't blame me when little Eric jumps off of the terrace
You shoulda been watchin' him, apparently you ain't parents

'Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch
I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

So who's bringin' the guns in this country? (Hmm?)
I couldn't sneak a plastic pellet gun
Through customs over in London
And last week I seen this Schwarzenegger movie
Where he's shootin' all sorts of these motherf*ckers with an Uzi
I sees three little kids up in the front row
Screaming, "Go," with their 17-year-old uncle
I'm like, "guidance?
Ain't they got the same moms and dads
Who got mad when I asked if they liked violence?"
And told me that my tape taught 'em to swear?
What about the make-up
You allow your 12-year-old daughter to wear? (Hmm?)
So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words
When his bus driver's screamin' at him, f*ckin' him up worse
(Sit the f*ck down, you little f*cking prick)
And "f*ck" was the first word I ever learned
Up in the third grade, flippin' the gym teacher the bird (look)
So read up 'bout how I used to get beat up
Peed on, be on free lunch
And changed school every three months
My life's like kind of what my wife's like (what?)
F*cked up after I beat her f*ckin' ass every night, Ike
So how much easier would life be
If nineteen million motherf*ckers grew to be just like me?

'Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch
I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

I never knew I, knew I'd have a new house or a new car
A couple years ago, I was more poorer than you are
I don't got that bad of a mouth, do I?
F*ck, shit, ass, bitch, cunt, shooby-de-doo-wop (oops)
Skibbedy-be-bop, a Christopher Reeve
Sonny Bono, skis, horses and hittin' some trees (hey)
How many retards'll listen to me
And run up in the school shootin' when they're pissed at a teach'
'Er? Her? Him? Is it you? Is it them?
"Wasn't me, Slim Shady said to do it again"
Damn, how much damage can you do with a pen?
Man, I'm just as f*cked up as you woulda been
If you woulda been in my shoes, who woulda thought
Slim Shady would be somethin' that you woulda bought?
That woulda made you get a gun and shoot at a cop
I just said it, I ain't know if you'd do it or not

'Cause I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch
I never knew I, knew I would get this big
I never knew I, knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd get him to slit his wrist
I never knew I'd get him to hit this bitch

How the f*ck was I supposed to know?

[Eminem:] This muthaf*cka man...
[Berman:] It's ridiculous! I can't believe it! Hold on... Em...
[Eminem:] What up?
[Berman:] Have a seat... Dre, I'll call you back
[Eminem:] What now?
[Berman:] I don't even know where to start
[Eminem:] Okay...
[Berman:] I got the album from upstairs...
[Eminem:] And...
[Berman:] And this is BY FAR, THE MOST,..
[Gunshot]
[Berman, gasping] Incredible thing... I've ever... heard...

Man, whatever
Dre just let it run
Ayo, turn the beat up a little bit
Ayo, this song is for anyone
F*ck it, just shut up and listen, ayo

I sit back with this pack of Zig-Zag's and this bag
Of this weed, it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest MC on this, on this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve all this tension
Dispensing these sentences, getting this stress
That's been eating me recently off of this chest
And I rest again peacefully
But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when I'm eating or feeding my daughter
To not come and speak to me, I don't know you
And no, I don't owe you a mothaf*ckin' thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick if you tempt me
My tank is on empty, no patience is in me
And if you offend me, I'm lifting you ten feet in the air
I don't care who was there and who saw me just jaw you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you, I don't mean to be mean
But that's all I can be, it's just me

And I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news, every day I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news, every day I am
I don't know, it's just the way I am

Sometimes I just feel like my father
I hate to be bothered with all of this nonsense
It's constant, and, "Oh, it's his lyrical content
The song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately points a finger at me
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a f*ck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, 'cause they full of shit too
When a dude's getting bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at!
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper-class city havin' this happening
Then attack Eminem 'cause I rap this way
But I'm glad, 'cause they feed me the fuel that I need
For the fire to burn, and it's burning, and I have returned

And I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news, every day I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news, every day I am
I don't know, it's just the way I am

I'm so sick and tired of being admired
That I wish that I would just die or get fired
And dropped from my label, let's stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name Is"
And pigeon-holed into some poppy sensation
To cop me rotation at rock-n-roll stations
And I just do not got the patience
To deal with these cocky Caucasians
Who think I'm some wigger who just tries to be black
'Cause I talk with an accent and grab on my balls
So they always keep asking the same f*cking questions
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who, what, when, the where and the how
'Til I'm grabbing my hair and I'm tearin' it out
'Cause they driving me crazy, I can't take it
I'm racin', I'm pacin', I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for every fan that I get
But I can't take a shit
In the bathroom without someone standing by it
No, I won't sign you an autograph
You can call me an asshole, I'm glad

'Cause I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news, every day I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news, every day I am
I don't know, it's just the way I am

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (ah)
It's the return of the "ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha)
Feminist women love Eminem
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what
Flippin' the you-know-who"
"Yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose
But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?
We ain't nothin' but mammals, well, some of us, cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well, I do, so f*ck him and f*ck you too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD (ah)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a f*ck like me
Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder, "how can
Kids eat up these albums like Valiums?"
It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm going, when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming, "I don't give a f*ck"
With his windows down and his system up
So will the real Shady please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
F*ck it, let's all stand up

[spray can being shook up and sprayed several times]

[RBX]
Remember me? ("Step in, execution")
Remember me? ("I have no remorse")
Remember me? ("I'm 'High Powered'")
Remember me? ("I drop bombs like Hiroshima")

For this one it's the X, you retarded?
Cause I grab the mic and get DOWN, like Syndrome
Hide and roam into the masses, without boundaries
Which qualifies me for the term "universal"
Without no rehearsal, I leak words that's controversial
Like I'm not, the one you wanna contest, see
Cause I'll hit yo' ass like the train did that bitch
That got "Banned From TV" - heavyweight hitter
Hit you watch your whole head split up
Loco-is-the-motion, we comin through
Hollow tips is the lead, the .45 threw

[Sticky Fingaz]
Remember me? ("Throw ya gunz in the air! ")
Remember me? ("Slam! Slam! ")
Remember me? ("Nigga 'Bacdafucup'")
Remember me? ("Chka-chka-Onyx! ")

Niggaz that take no for an answer, get told no
Yeah I been told no but it was more like, "No, no, no! "
Life a bitch that'll f*ck you if you let her
Better come better than better to be a competitor
This vet is ahead of,
The shit is all redder, you deader and deader
A medic instead-a the cheddars and credda
Settle vendetta one metal beretta from ghetto to ghetto
Evidence? NOPE! Never leave a shred-of
I got the soul of every rapper in me, love me or hate me
My moms got raped by the industry and made me
I'm the illest nigga ever, I told you
I get more pussy than them dyke bitches Total
Want beef, nigga? PBBT! You better dead that shit
My name should be "Can't-Believe-That-Nigga-Said-That-Shit"
Probably sayin, "He ain't a killer", but I'm killin myself
Smoke death, f*ck bitches raw, on the kitchen floor
So think what I'm a do to you, have done to you
Got niggaz in my hood who'd do that shit for a blunt or two
What you wanna do, cocksuckers? We glock busters
'Til the cops cuff us, we'll start ruckus and drop blockbusters
'Round the clock hustlers, you cannot touch us
I'm gettin wires niggaz wantin me dead, wantin my head
You think it could be somethin I said? {*echoes*}

[Eminem]
Remember me? ("I just don't give a f*ck! ")
Remember me? ("Yeah, f*ck you too! ")
Remember me? ("I'm low down and I'm shifty! ")
Remember me? ("I'm Shady! ")

When I go out, I'm a go out shootin
I don't mean when I die, I mean when I go out to the club, stupid
I'm tryin to clear up my f*ckin' image,
So I promised the f*ckin critics
I wouldn't say "f*ckin" for six minutes
(*click* Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
My baby's mom, bitch made me an angry blonde
So I made me a song, killed her and put Hailie on
I may be wrong, I keep thinkin these crazy thoughts
In my cranium, but I'm stuck with a crazy mom
("Is she really on as much dope as you say she's on? ")
Came home, and somebody musta broke in the back window
And stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trenchcoats
Sick sick dreams of picnic scenes, two kids, sixteen
With M-16's and ten clips each
And them shits reach through six kids each
And Slim gets blamed in Bill Clint's speech to fix these streets?
F*CK THAT! PBBT! Tou faggots can vanish to volcanic ash
And re-appear in hell with a can of gas, AND a match
Aftermath, Dre, grab the gat, show 'em where it's at
(What the f*ck you starin at, nigga?)

Don't you remember me? !
Remember me? !
Remember me? !
REMEMBER ME!

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

I murder a rhyme one word at a time
You never heard of a mind as perverted as mine
You better get rid of that nine it ain't gonna help
What good is it gonna do against a man that strangles himself?
I'm waitin' for hell like hell shit I'm anxious as hell
Manson you're safe in that cell, be thankful it's jail
I used to be my mommy's little angel at twelve
Thirteen I was putting shells in a gauge on a shelf
I used to, get punked and bullied on my block
'Til I cut a kitten's head off and stuck it in this kid's mailbox (Mom! Mom!)
I used to give a, f*ck, now I could give a f*ck less
What do I think of success? It sucks, too much press I'm stressed
Too much stares two breasts, too upset
It's just too much mess, I guess I must just blew up quick (yes)
Grew up quick (no) was raised right
Whatever you say is wrong, whatever I say is right
You think of my name now whenever you say, "Hi"
Became a commodity because I'm W-H-I-T-E,
'Cause M-T-V was so friendly to me
Can't wait 'til Kim sees me
Now is it worth it? Look at my life, how is it perfect?
Read my lips bitch, what, my mouth isn't working?
You hear this finger? Oh it's upside down
Here, let me turn this motherf*cker up right now

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

I take each individual degenerates head and reach into it
Just to see if he's influenced by me if he listens to music
And if he feeds into this shit he's an innocent victim
And becomes a puppet on the string of my tennis shoe
My name is Slim Shady
I been crazy way before radio didn't play me
The sensational (Back is the incredible!)
With Ken Kaniff, who just finds the men edible
It's Ken Kaniff on the, internet
Trying to, lure your kids with him, into bed
It's a, sick world we live in these days
"Slim for Pete's sakes put down Christopher Reeve's legs!"
Geez, you guys are so sensitive
"Slim it's a touchy subject, try and just don't mention it"
Mind with no sense in it, fried to get so frenetic
Whose eyes get so squinted, I'm blind from smoke in 'em
With my windows tinted, with nine limos rented
Doin' lines of coke in 'em, with a bunch of guys hoppin' out
All high and indo-scented
And that's where I get my name from, that's why they call me

They call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

I take seven kids from Columbine, stand 'em all in line
Add an AK-47, a revolver, a nine
A MAC-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
And that's a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time
'Cause (I'm) Shady, they call me as crazy
As the world was over this whole Y2K thing
And by the way, N'Sync, why do they sing?
Am I the only one who realizes they stink?
Should I dye my hair pink and care what y'all think?
Lip sync and buy a bigger size of earrings?
It's why I tend to block out when I hear things
'Cause all these fans screamin' is makin' my ears ring (Ah!)
So I just, throw up a middle finger and let it linger
Longer than the rumor that I was stickin' it to Christina
'Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
It'd be Jennifer Lopez, and Puffy you know this!
I'm sorry Puff, but I don't give a f*ck if this chick was my own mother
I still f*ck her with no rubber and cum inside her
And have a son and a new brother at the same time
And just say that it ain't mine, what's my name?

I'm Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

They call me Slim Shady (I'm back)
I'm back (I'm back) (Slim Shady!) I'm back

Guess who's b, back, back
Gue' gue' guess who's back (Hi mom!)
Guess who's back
Gue' guess who's back
D-12, guess who's back
Gue' gue' gue' gue' guess who's back
Dr. Dre, guess who's back
Back back, back
Slim Shady, 2001
I'm blew out from this blunt, f*ck

You know, I just don't get it
Last year I was nobody, this year I'm selling records
Now everybody wants to come around
Like I owe 'em something
The f*ck you want from me, ten million dollars?
Get the f*ck outta here!

You see, I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm just a regular guy
I don't know why all the fuss about me (Fuss about me)
Nobody ever gave a f*ck before
All they did was doubt me (Did was doubt me)
Now everybody wanna run their mouth
And try to take shots at me (Take shots at me)

Yo, you might see me joggin', you might see me walkin'
You might see me walkin' a dead Rottweiler dog
With its head chopped off in the park with a spiked collar
Hollerin' at him 'cause the son of a bitch won't quit barkin'
Or leanin' out a window with a cocked shotgun
Drivin' up the block in the car that they shot Pac in
Looking for Big's killers, dressin' ridiculous
Blue and red, like I don't see what the big deal is
Double barrel 12-gauge bigger than Chris Wallace
Pissed off 'cause Biggie and Pac just missed all this
Watchin' all these cheap imitations get rich off 'em
And get dollars that shoulda been theirs like they switched wallets
And amidst all this Crist' poppin' and wrist watches
I just sit back and just watch and just get nauseous
And walk around with an empty bottle of Remy Martin
Startin' shit like some 26-year-old skinny Cartman (Goddamn it!)
An anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin
Whose instinct's to kill N'Sync, don't get me started
These f*ckin' brats can't sing and Britney's garbage
What's this bitch, retarded? Give me back my sixteen dollars!
All I see is sissies in magazines smilin'
Whatever happened to wilin' out and being violent?
Whatever happened to catchin'
A good old-fashioned passionate ass-whoopin'
And gettin' your shoes, coat and your hat tooken

The New Kids on the Block sucked a lot of dick
Boy/girl groups make me sick
And I can't wait 'til I catch all you faggots in public
I'ma love it

Vanilla Ice don't like me (uh-uh)
Said some shit in Vibe to spite me (yo)
Then went and dyed his hair just like me (ha-ha)
A bunch of little kids wanna swear just like me
And run around screamin' "I don't care, just bite me!" (na-na)
I think I was put here to annoy the world
And destroy your little four-year-old boy or girl
Plus I was put here to put fear
In faggots who spray Faygo Root Beer
And call themselves clowns 'cause they look queer
Faggy 2 Dope and Silent Gay
Claimin' Detroit, when y'all live 20 miles away (f*ckin' punks)
And I don't wrestle, I'll knock you f*ckin' faggots the f*ck out
Ask 'em about the club they was at when they snuck out
After they ducked out the back when they saw us and bugged out
Ducked down and got paintballs shot at they truck, blaow!
Look at y'all runnin' your mouth again
When you ain't seen a f*ckin' mile road south of 10
And I don't need help from D12 to beat up two females
In make-up who may try to scratch me with Lee Nails
Slim Anus? You damn right, slim anus
I don't get f*cked in mine like you two little flamin' faggots

'Cause I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm not a wrestler guy
I'll knock you out if you talk about me (You talk about me)
Come and see me on the streets alone
If you assholes doubt me (Assholes doubt me)
And if you wanna run your mouth
Then come take your best shot at me (Best shot at me)

Is it because you love me that y'all expect so much of me?
You little groupie bitch, get off me, go f*ck Puffy!
Now because of this blonde mop that's on top
Of this f*cked up head that I've got, I've gone pop?
The underground just spunned around and did a 360
Now these kids diss me and act like some big sissies
"Oh, he just did some shit with Missy
So now he thinks he's too big to do some shit with MC Get Bizzy"
My f*ckin' bitch mom's suin' for 10 million
She must want a dollar for every pill I've been stealin'
Shit, where the f*ck you think I picked up the habit?
All I had to do was go in her room and lift up her mattress
Which is it, bitch: Mrs. Briggs or Ms. Mathers?
It doesn't matter, your attorney Fred Gibson's a faggot
Talkin' about I fabricated my past
He's just aggravated I won't ejaculate in his ass
So tell me, what the hell is a fella to do?
For every million I make, another relative sues
Family fightin' and fussin' over who wants to invite me to supper
All of a sudden I got ninety-some cousins (Hey it's me!)
A half-brother and sister who never seen me
Or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV
Now everybody's so happy and proud
I'm finally allowed to step foot in my girlfriend's house (Hey!)
And then to top it off I walked to the news stand
To buy this cheap-ass little magazine with a food stamp
Skipped to the last page, flipped right fast
And what do I see? A picture of my big white ass
Okay, let me give you motherf*ckers some help
Um, here, "XXL! XXL!"
Now your magazine shouldn't have so much trouble to sell
Aww, f*ck it, I'll even buy a couple myself

'Cause I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm just a regular guy
I don't know why all the fuss about me (Fuss about me)
Nobody ever gave a f*ck before
All they did was doubt me (Did was doubt me)
Now everybody wanna run their mouth
And try to take shots at me (Take shots at me)

'Cause I'm just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm just a regular guy
I don't know why all the fuss about me (Fuss about me)
Nobody ever gave a f*ck before
All they did was doubt me (Did was doubt me)
Now everybody wanna run their mouth
And try to take shots at me (Take shots at me)

Public Service Announcement 2000
Kill You
Stan (featuring Dido)
Paul (skit)
Who Knew
Steve Berman (skit)
The Way I Am
The Real Slim Shady
Remember Me? (featuring RBX and Sticky Fingaz)
I'm Back
Marshall Mathers
Ken Kaniff (skit)
Drug Ballad (featuring Dina Rae)
Amityville (featuring Bizarre)
Bitch Please II (featuring Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Xzibit and Nate Dogg)
Kim
Under the Influence (featuring D12)
Criminal

[Girl] Yeaaah, hahahaha... whooooo, shit!
[Em] (aight)
[Eminem] Guess what? I ain't coming in yet...
I'll come in a minute
[Eminem] Ayo... This is my love song... it goes like this

[Eminem]
Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark
And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl
And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my pre-diction is you're gonna probably fall
Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
And everything's spinning
You're beginin' to think women
Are swimming in pink linen again in the sink
Then in a couple of minutes that bottle of Guiness is finished
You are now allowed to officially slap bitches
You have the right to remain violent and start wilin'
Start a fight with the same guy that was smart eyin' you
Get in your car, start it, and start drivin'
Over the island and cause a 42 car pile-up
[Em's spaceman voice]Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot
Looking at the life on this planet, sir, no sign of it
All I can see is a bunch of smoke flyin'
And I'm so high that I might die if I go by it
Let me out of this place
I'm outta place
I'm in outer space
I've just vanished without a trace
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow
I'll be back in an hour or so

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
'Cause every time I go to try to leave
Something keeps pullin' on my sleeve
I don't wanna, but I gotta stay
These drugs really got ahold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "no"
They won't let me ever let them go
I'm a sucka all I gotta say
These drugs really got ahold of me

[Eminem]
In third grade, all I used to do
Was sniff glue through a tube and play rubix cube
17 years later I'm as Rude as Jude
Scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs
I've got no game
And every face looks the same
They've got no name
So I don't need game to play
I just say whatever I want to whoever I want
Whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want
However, I do show some respect to few
As ecstacy got me standing next to you
Getting sentimental as f*ck spillin' guts to you
We just met
But I think I'm in love with you
But you're on it too
So you tell me you love me too
Wake up in the morning like "yo, what the f*ck we do? "
I gotta go bitch
You know I have stuff to do
'Cause if I get caught cheatin' then I'm stuck with you
But in the long run
These drugs are probably going to catch up sooner or later
But f*ck it, I'm on one
So let's enjoy
Let the X destroy your spinal cord
So it's not a straight line no more
'Til we walk around looking like some wind-up dolls
Shit's sticking out of our backs like a dinosaur
Shit, six hits won't even get me high no more
So bye for now
I'm going to try to find some more

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
When you swallow it all wollow and drown in your sorrow
And tomorrow you're probably going to want to do it again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend? Screw it
And what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?
And what's a little fight?
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
It's your life
Live it however you wanna
Marijuana is everywhere
Where was you brought up?
It don't matter as long as you get where you're going
'Cause none of the shit is going to mean shit where we're going
They tell you to stop, but you just sit there ignoring
Even though you wake up feeling like shit every morning
But you're young
You've got a lot of drugs to do
Girls to screw
Parties to crash
Sucks to be you
If I could take it all back now, I wouldn't
I would have did more shit that people said that I shouldn't
But I'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated
Did better drugs and updated
But I've still got a lot of growing up to do
I've still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew
But when it's all said and done I'll be 40
Before I know it with a 40 on the porch telling stories
With a bottle of Jack
Two grandkids in my lap
Babysitting for Hailie while Hailie's out getting smashed

[Chorus x2]
[Same as previous, but 2nd time the last line is repeated like this]

Drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me
'Cause drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me

Dahh-dum, dahh-dum... dum Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, duh-da-da-da-da (kill kill kill) [x15]

[Chorus: Eminem]
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle (ILLLL)
Accidentally killll your family stillll
Thinkin he won't? God-damnit he willll (HE'SSSS)
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle

[Eminem:]
I get lifted and spin til I'm half-twisted
Feet planted and stand with a grin full of chapped lipstick (SMACK)
Pen full of ink, think sinful and rap sick shit
Shrink pencil me in for my last visit
Drink gin til my chin's full of splashed whiskers (whoosh)
Hash whiskey and ash til I slap bitches (smack)
Ask Bizzy, he's been here the past six years
Mash with me you'll get in imagine this

[Chorus: Eminem]
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle (ILLLL)
Accidentally killll your family stillll
Thinkin he won't? God-damnit he willll (HE'SSSS)
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle

[Bizarre:]
I f*cked my cousin in his asshole, slit my mother's throat
(AHHHHHHHH!) Guess who Slim Shady just signed to Interscope?
My little sister's birthday, she'll remember me
For a gift I had ten of my boys take her virginity
(Mmm mm mmm!) And bitches know me as a horny ass freak
My mother wasn't raped, I ate her pussy while she was 'sleep
Pissy-drunk, throwin up in the urinal (YOU F*CKIN HOMO!)
That's what I said at my dad's funeral

[Chorus: Eminem]
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle (ILLLL)
Accidentally killll your family stillll
Thinkin he won't? God-damnit he willll (HE'SSSS)
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle

[Eminem:]
That's why the city is filled with a bunch of f*ckin idiots still (still)
That's why the first motherf*cker poppin some shit he gets killed (killed)
That's why we don't call it Detroit, we call it Amityville ('Ville)
You can get capped after just havin a cavity filled (filled)
Ahahahaha, that's why we're crowned the murder capital still (still)
This ain't Detroit, this is motherf*ckin Hamburger Hill! (Hill!)
We don't do drivebys, we park in front of houses and shoot
And when the police come we f*ckin shoot it out with them too!
That's the mentality here (here) that's the reality here (here)
Did I just hear somebody say they wanna challenge me here? (huh?)
While I'm holdin a pistol with this many calibres here? (here?)
Got some registration and just made this shit valid this year? (year?)
Cause once I snap I can't be held accountable for my actions
And that's when accidents happen,
When a thousand bullets come at your house
And collapse the foundation around and they found you
And your family in it (AHHHHH!)
GOT DAMNIT HE MEANT IT WHEN HE TELLS YOU

[Chorus: Eminem]
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle (ILLLL)
Accidentally killll your family stillll
Thinkin he won't? God-damnit he willll (HE'SSSS)
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle

Dahh-dum, dahh-dum... dum Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, duh-da-da-da-da [x15]

[Dre]
Yeah whattup Detroit?
[Snoop]
Nu-uh, nu-uh nuh-no he didn't!
Ahhh! They didn't do it again,
What-what, what-what?
Did you shit on these niggaz two times Dr. Dre?
[Dre]
Oh fo' sho'!
[Snoop]
Uh-uh, naw, ya smell that?
This is special right here
What-what, what-what-what?
Yeah, it's a toast to the boogie baby
Uhh, to the boogie-oogie-oogie
Yeah, y'know! What's crackin Dre?

[Dr. Dre]
Just let me lay back and kick some mo' simplistic pimp shit
On Slim's shit and start riots like Limp Bizkit (Limp Bizkit)
Throw on 'Guilty Conscience' at concerts
And watch mosh pits til motherf*ckers knock each other unconcious
(Watch out now!) Some of these crowds that Slim draws
Is rowdy as Crenshaw Boulevard when it's packed and fulla cars
Some of these crowds me and Snoop draw +IS+ niggaz from Crenshaw
From Long Beach to South Central
[LOUD SCREAM] Whoa, not these niggaz again
These grown-ass ignorant men with hair-triggers again
(Hehe) You and what army could harm me?
D-R-E and Shady, with Doggy from Long Beach
(East-syde!) Came a long way, to makin these songs play
It'll be a wrong move, to stare at me the wrong way
I got a long uz', and I carry it all day
(Blaow!) Sometimes it's like a nightmare, just bein Andre,
But I...

[Snoop Dogg]
Somehow, someway - tell 'em, nigga
You know about Dogg-ay (Snoop Dogg)
Now let me cut these niggaz up and show em where da f*ck I'm comin from
I get the party crackin from the shit that I be spittin son
Hit-and-run, get it done, get the funds, split and run
Got about fifty guns, and I love all of 'em the same - bang bang!
Damn baby girl what's your name?
I forgot - what'd you say it was? Damn a nigga buzzed
Hangin in the club, with my nephew Eminem
(Whassup Slim?) Whattup cause? (Whattup Snoop?)
The Great White American Hope, done hooked up
With the King of the motherf*ckin West coast, bay-bayy!

[Chorus: Nate Dogg (+Snoop)]

And you don't really wanna f*ck, with me
Only nigga that I trust, is me
F*ck around and make me bust, this heat
[Snoop] That's, the devil, they always wanna dance

[Xzibit]
I'm the Head Nigga In Charge, I'm watchin you move
You're found dead in your garage, with ten o'clock news coverage
Gotta love it, cause I expose the facade
Your little lungs is too small to hotbox with God
All jokes aside, come bounce with us
Standin over you with a twelve gauge, about to bust
It's like ashes to ashes and dust to dust
I might leave in the bodybag, but never in cuffs
So who do you trust? They just not rugged enough
When things get rough I'm in the club shootin with Puff
Bitch, please - you must have a mental disease
Assume the position and get back down on your knees - c'mon

[Chorus x2]

[Eminem - impersonating Snoop]
Awww naww, big Slim Dogg
Eighty pound balls, dick six inch long
Back up, in the, heezy BAY-BAY
He's Sha-day!

[Snoop]
He's so cra-zay!

[Eminem]
Hahaha! Gimme the mic, let me recite, 'til Timothy White
Pickets outside the Interscope offices every night
What if he's right? I'm just a criminal, makin a living
Off of the world's misery - what in the world gives me the right
To say what I like, and walk around flippin the bird
Livin the urban life, like a white kid from the 'burbs
Dreamin at night of screamin at mom, schemin to leave
Run away from home and grow to be as evil as me
I just want you all to notice me and people to see
That somewhere deep down, there's a decent human being in me
It just can't be found, so the reason you've been seeing this me
Is cause this is me now, the recent dude who's being this mean
So when you see me, dressin up like a nerd on TV
Or heard the CD usin the fag word so freely
It's just me being me, here want me to tone it down?
[LOWER pitch] Suck my f*ckin dick, you faggot
You happy now? Look here

[Eminem - impersonating Snoop]
I start some trouble everywhere that I go (that I go)
Ask the bouncers in the club cause they know (cause they know)
I start some shit they throw me out the back do' (the back do')
Come back and shoot the club up with a fo'-fo' (a fo'-fo')

[Chorus x2]

[Xzibit]
2001 and forever
Slim Shady, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, X to the Z, Nate Dogg
C'mon, yeah!

[Eminem]
Aww look at daddy's baby girl
That's daddy baby
Little sleepy head
Yesterday I changed your diaper
Wiped you and powdered you.
How did you get so big?
Can't believe it now your two
Baby you're so precious
Daddy's so proud of you
Sit down bitch
If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you

[Eminem]
(Eminem as Kim)
(Okay)
Don't make me wake this baby
She don't need to see what I'm about to do
Quit crying bitch, why do you always make me shout at you?
How could you?
Just leave me and love him out the blue
Oh, what's a matter Kim?
Am I too loud for you?
Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time
At first, I'm like all right
You wanna throw me out? That's fine!
But not for him to take my place, are you out you're mind?
This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!
How could you let him sleep in our bed?
Look at Kim
Look at your husband now!
(No!)
I said look at him!
He ain't so hot now is he?
Little punk!
(Why are you doing this?)
Shut the f*ck up!
(You're drunk! You're never going to get away at this!)
You think I give a f*ck!
Come on we're going for a ride bitch
(No!)
Sit up front
(Well I can't just leave Hailie alone, what if she wakes up?)
We'll be right back
Well I will you'll be in the trunk

[1]
So long, bitch you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you

[Repeat 1]

You really f*cked me Kim
You really did a number on me
Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt me
But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18
That was years ago
I thought we wiped the slate clean
That's f*cked up!
(I love you!)
Oh God my brain is racing
(I love you!)
What are you doing?
Change the station I hate this song!
Does this look like a big joke?
(No!)
There's a four year old boy lyin' dead with a slit throat
In your living room, ha-ha
What you think I'm kiddin' you?
You loved him didn't you?
(No!)
Bullshit you bitch don't f*cking lie to me
What the f*ck's this guy's problem on the side of me?
F*ck you asshole, yeah bite me
Kim, KIM!
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you
(It's not that!)
No you think I'm ugly
(Baby)
Get the f*ck away from me, don't touch me
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
How the f*ck could you do this to me?
(Sorry!)
How the f*ck could you do this to me?

[Repeat 1 x2]

Come on get out
(I can't I'm scared)
I said get out bitch!
(Let go of my hair, please don't do this baby)
(Please I love you, look we can just take Hailie and leave)
F*ck you, you did this to us
You did it, it's your fault
Oh my God I'm crackin' up
Get a grip Marshall
Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?
And you were like so drunk that you threw up all over Archie
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
See it all makes sense, doesn't it?
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife
And during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam's apple sliced
(No!)
And while this is goin' on
His son just woke up and he just walks in
She panics and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!)
So now they both dead and you slash your own throat
So now it's double homicide and suicide with no note
I should have known better when you started to act weird
We could've... HEY! Where you going? Get back here!
You can't run from me Kim
It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha!
(Ahh!)
Ha! Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you!
AH SOMEBODY HELP!
Don't you get it bitch, no one can hear you?
Now shut the f*ck up and get what's comin to you
You were supposed to love me
{*Kim choking*}
NOW BLEED! BITCH BLEED!
BLEED! BITCH BLEED! BLEED!

[Repeat 1 x2]

[Eminem]
Translation
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick - ha ha!
Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies
I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties
A young ass man with a trash can strapped to the back of his ass
So the rats can't chew through his last pants
I'm like a mummy at night, fightin with bright lightning
Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin him
I'm like a f*ckin wasp in the hospital lost
Stingin the f*ck outta everything I come across in the halls
I light a candle and place it up on the mantle
Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the f*ckin handle
So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin
[Swifty] Bitch it's too late
[Eminem] Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains

[Swifty]
I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator
Degradin, creatin murders to kill haters
Accused for every crime known through the equator
They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin blood on my 'gators
My weed'll hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge an'
I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face [*BLAM*]
With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do shit on purpose
You never hear me say, "Forgive me"
I'm snatchin every penny - it gotta be that way nigga, face it
That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it
You hidin, I make the president get a facelift
Niggaz just afraid, handin me they bracelets
Chillin in the lab wasted
I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin - throw up on the mic
Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site
And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight

[Chorus: Eminem]

So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
Cause I don't give a f*ck if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick

[Bizarre]
I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fire
Slashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and Meyers
Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired
Jackin my dick off in a bed of barbed wire
(Hey, is Bizarre performing?) Bitch didn't you read the flyer?
Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor
(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retired
F*ckin your bitch in the ass with a tire iron
I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip
My DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip... [needle pops]
Lettin the record skip... [needle pops]
Lettin the record skip... [needle pops] (Damn!)
[DJ reverses the record and scratches it back on beat]
I'm f*ckin anything when I'm snortin
It's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an abortion
[dog whines] Some bitch asked for my autograph
I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed
I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam
All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin ass mom

[Proof]
Aiyyo flashback, two feets, two deep up in that ass crack
Weed laced with somethin [*gun cocks*] nigga pass that
In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats
At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats
Be your mom on publishin, get your ASCAP-ped
The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack
Run your motherf*ckin pockets, ASAP
I don't need a platinum chain, bitch I snatch Shaq's
Born loser, half theif and half black
Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at
Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked
And found chopped up in a trash bag

[Kuniva]
We stranglin rappers until the point they can't yell
Cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales
Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace
Gruesome, and causin more violence than nine hoodlums
I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle
Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you
Get executed, cause I'm a "Luni"
I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted
I cock it back then shoot it
I love snatchin up players thugs and young ballers
Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers
Brigade barricade to bring the noise
While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys
If I go solo, I'm doin a song with Bolo
A big Chinese nigga, screamin "Kuniva yo yo... "
I leave ya face leakin, run up in church
And smack the preacher while he's preachin
Take a swing at the deacon

[Kon Artis]
I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight
I was straight 'til I got caught sellin em shake
I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent
I got kicked out of summer camp for havin sex in my tent
With the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order
I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin in water
In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von
Who got fired from UPS for tryin to send you a bomb
(Special delivery!) I signed to a local label for fun
Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run
Driveby you in the rain while you carry your son
Call your house and hang up on you for not givin me none
Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun
Got a reputation for havin niggaz runnin they funds
Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin some one's
'til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin in dough

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
Haha... suck my motherf*ckin dick
D-12... Dirty motherf*ckin Dozen
Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty f*ckin husbands
Bizarre kid
Swifty McVeigh
The Kon Artis
The Kuniva
Dirty Harry
Haha, and Slim Shady...

A lot of people ask me, stupid f*ckin' questions
A lot of people think that, what I say on record
Or what I talk about on a record
That I actually do in real life or that I believe in it
Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody
That I'm actually gonna do it or that I believe in it
Well, shit, if you believe that, then I'll kill you
You know why? 'Cause I'm a criminal!
Criminal! You goddamn right
I'm a criminal! Yeah, I'm a criminal!

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head, whether you're a fag or les'
Or a homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer's yes
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulgin'
That's my motherf*ckin' balls, you'd better let go of 'em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em!
"Hey, it's me, Versace! Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin' the mail
Get it? Checkin' the male?"
How many records you expecting to sell
After your second LP sends you directly to jail?
Come on, relax, guy! I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen! (A-men!)
"Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital"
Preacher, preacher! Fifth grade teacher!
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause
I watch TV and Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
With a brand new CD for these f*ckin' retards ("duhh")
And to think, it's just lil' old me
Mr. Don't-Give-a-F*ck still won't leave

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one

The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed
The baby came out, disfigured ligaments, indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby, 'cause that baby was me
I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the f*ck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to f*ck you up quicker
Than you'd wanna f*ck me up for sayin' the word ******
My morals went (pffft) when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee
Now, don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me: I'm white, blonde-haired, and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs as long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined
"The Maniac's in" in place of the Doctor
'Cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place
Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you, Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a criminal!

Alright look, just go up in that motherf*cker
Get the motherf*cking money and get the f*ck up outta there
Alright
I'll be right here waiting on you
Alright
Yo, Em
What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
Awwright, goddamn, this motherf*cker gets on my f*ckin' nerves!
Hi, how can I help you?
How you doin'?
Yeah, I need to make a withdrawal
Okay
Put the f*cking money in the bag, bitch, and I won't kill you!
What? Oh my God, don't kill me!
I'm not gonna kill you, bitch, quit looking around
Don't kill me, I've got two kids at home don't kill me!
I said I'm not gonna f*cking kill you
Don't kill me!
Hurry the f*ck up! Thank you! (Go, go, go!)

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it, I hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a f*ck, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You motherf*ckin' chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a f*ckin' rapist in a Jason mask

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one

I'm a criminal!
'Cause every time I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime
To tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal!
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take shit from no one
(I am) A criminal!