I Love You, I’m Trying Album Lyrics by grandson

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Two Along Their Way

I was thinkin'
'Bout that day last summer
We were like little children at play

Yeah

Standin' in the pourin' rain
Watchin' the sun go down
From the top of a lonely hill
With the world all around
That was the day your heart was mine
And we two stood as one in time
Just two along their way

I love you, I'm trying

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Eulogy

Do I exist if I don't exist on the internet?
How can I relax? The end is imminent
Twelve shots fired on a man that's innocent
Growing up ain't like how I pictured it

The guinea pig generation
For social media stimulation
I can't even hold conversations

We got ADHD and anxiety
If you get too high come hang glide with me

Everyday the headline seems worse
We're going down, I just hope that we land feet first

I can feel winter setting in after the fall
I'm not sure that anything matters at all

This the eulogy
For you and me
Might be my only opportunity, yeah
If you wake up and I'm gone
I just hope you sing along
To the eulogy

I contemplated suicide in that Days Inn
I can't promise I won't think it again
Little grandson just broke out at his play pen
If you want it all why you halfway in?

Rest in peace to my positivity
All it's given me is false hope
I thought bitterly, shots hitting me

It's all fake
Made it to the lions den
And found out it's all snakes
Everybody want a hot take

Well here's one, I hear that shit
I think about death I don't fear that shit
I'm Cinderella right after the ball
I'm not sure that anything matters at all

This the eulogy
For you and me
Might be my only opportunity, yeah
If you wake up and I'm gone
I just hope you sing along
To the eulogy
For you and me
Might be my only opportunity, yeah
If you wake up and I'm gone
I just hope you sing along
To the eulogy

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Something To Hide

Mother was the life of the party
Bottle of white wine for dinner
Father had a little box
With a razor blade to cut up a painkiller
Sister had an eating disorder
All of her clothes didn't fit her anymore
And I made a best friend
Out of the skeleton in the closet

I figured
Oh, hey, maybe just ignore it, it'll go away
Keep it in the family for today
Everybody knows
Everybody knows somebody with something to hide

Everybody knows somebody with something to hide

Sister headed out on a Friday
Blacking out, she wouldn't remember
Grandma wouldn't hurt a fly
But back in her day, oh she had a bad temper
I was getting high in the bathroom
Dark thoughts, I was flirting with surrender evermore
And I made a best friend
Out of the elephant that's in the room

'Cause I figured
Oh, hey, maybe just ignore it, it'll go away
Keep it in the family for today
Everybody knows
Everybody knows somebody with something to hide

Everybody knows somebody with something to hide

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Drones

Hopscotch on the sidewalk
Dodging landmines
Next to the zombie on the corner
Who got cast out, forgotten
Life is cruel and unforgiving
I swore to look out for
All the darkness inside me
I will not fall in
I'll close my eyes 'cause I know that
This won't end so I'll pretend that

Drones up in the sky look like paper kites
Bombs light up the night, burn like fireflies
Tell me one good lie so I can sleep at night
Hurt me one more time, I wanna feel alive
Drones up in the sky look like paper kites
Bombs light up the night, burn like fireflies
Tell me one good lie so I can sleep at night
Hurt me one more time, I wanna feel alive

Tragedy
I'm caught up in a fantasy
Temptation wanna dance with me
The devil really wanna cancel me
I gotta be the man, you see
To take care of my family
I swear I never wanna
Let them down
People really wanna cut me out
I've come too far to give in now
And I don't wanna hit the ground
Imagination is all I got now
God, don't let me grow up quick
'Cause it's a trap, I know that shit
Yeah, I know that
This won't end so I'll pretend that

Drones up in the sky look like paper kites
Bombs light up the night, burn like fireflies
Tell me one good lie so I can sleep at night
Hurt me one more time, I wanna feel alive
Drones up in the sky look like paper kites
Bombs light up the night, burn like fireflies
Tell me one good lie so I can sleep at night
Hurt me one more time, I wanna feel alive

I wanna feel a-
Drones up in the sky
Bombs light up the night
Tell me one good lie
Hurt me one more time, I wanna feel alive

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I Love You, I'm Trying

I keep lettin' you down
There's no denyin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I said it gets better
We both know I'm lyin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'

I love you, I'm tryin'

Another day, another time zone, no sleep
In the mornin', catch a plane for the flight home
Missed calls come with misunderstanding
Plane crash when we hit sudden landings
This is my limit
Made this bed, I guess that we lie in it
The side that I hide has made a surprise visit
Good luck ran out, I can't help it

I keep lettin' you down
There's no denyin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I said it gets better
We both know I'm lyin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'

I love you, I'm tryin'
(I love you, I'm tryin')
(I love you, I'm tryin', I'm tryin')
(I love you, I'm tryin')
(I love you, I'm tryin', I'm tryin')
I love you, I'm tryin'

I been on the road doin' shows for like six months
Dealer at the door told me it's only a quick bump
Groupie at the tour and I didn't let her hit once
Says it isn't cheatin' if I only get my dick sucked
I ain't gonna throw this shit away for a quick f*ck
Sellin' out my fanbase, tryna make a quick buck
If I had one call, would you pick up? (Would you pick up?)

I keep lettin' you down
There's no denyin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I said it gets better
We both know I'm lyin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'
I love you, I'm tryin'

I love you, I'm tryin'
(I love you, I'm tryin')
(I love you, I'm tryin', I'm tryin')
(I love you, I'm tryin')
(I love you, I'm tryin', I'm tryin')
I love you, I'm tryin'

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Half My Heart

I don't know why I'm running away
If I end up back at the start
With half of my heart
Take a good thing, throw it away
And I end up back at the start
With half of my heart

Yeah, another moment passed
Look at how we've all grown up fast
Think about it and I get whiplash
Think about it and I get whiplash
Keep moving, I know what towards
I'm not the same as I was before
Don't know how I'm gonna take much more
Don't know how I'm gonna take much more
I made you cry
Hang up quick because I hate goodbye
Chasing what's on the other side
Chasing what's on the other side

Maybe someday this will all make sense
But for now
But for now

I don't know why I'm running away
If I end up back at the start
With half of my heart
Take a good thing, throw it away
And I end up back at the start
With half of my heart
You ask why I'm running
I've got nothing to say (got nothing to say)
I don't know why I'm running away
If I end up back at the start
With half of my heart

Yeah, this life ain't fair
It's more fun to be unaware
For tomorrow I'm not prepared
For tomorrow I'm not prepared
No, I don't learn
Repeat the habit, it just don't work
Trust the feeling and I still get burned
Trust the feeling and I still get burned
So I run
I can't face that I've come undone
I'll be back with the setting sun
I'll be back with the setting sun

Maybe someday this will all make sense
But for now
But for now

I don't know why I'm running away
If I end up back at the start
With half of my heart
Take a good thing, throw it away
And I end up back at the start
With half of my heart
You ask why I'm running
I've got nothing to say (got nothing to say)
I don't know why I'm running away
If I end up back at the start
With half of my heart

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When The Bomb Goes

Tried medication and therapy
They only seemed to help temporarily
Only one thing that takes care of me
Self-sabotage only way to find clarity

Baby, I know that I've been acting strange lately
Maybe I'm not as crazy as what it may seem
If you get me, step right up (right up)
Pop one, light up, for the people just like us

We are not alone (we are not alone)
Can you keep a secret? (Can you keep a secret?)
'Cause you never know
When the bomb goes
We are not alone
Can you keep a secret?
'Cause you never know
When the bomb goes

Yeah
It's a army of lost souls stuck in the potholes
Left at the crossroads walking on hot coals
'Cause we were not told pyrite is not gold
We can't be bought and sold, it's not gold
On the inside felt like an outcast
Was ready to give up, deep down started to doubt that
If I spoke too loud then my voice might crack
Shout into the void and the void shouts back

We are not alone
Can you keep a secret?
'Cause you never know
When the bomb goes
We are not alone
Can you keep a secret?
'Cause you never know
When the bomb goes
When the bomb goes

I'm isolated and overstimulated at the same time
Struggling to make sense of these thoughts trapped in my mind
It's all comin' to a head in my head, I could explode
I'm runnin' out of options

And then the bomb goes
When the bomb goes
When the bomb goes

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Enough

What's a dead end to a dead man walkin'?
(I feel f*ckin' awesome)
Hittin' that wall, everything's exhaustin'
(I don't have a problem)
Everybody's fake and they won't quit talkin'
(This shit's lit, it's poppin')
And if I don't stop, then I'll end up in a

How many last chances will I get? (Get)
How many times can I let you down with regret?
How much can I ask for 'til you walk out that door?
Speak now or hold your breath, yeah

If not now, when?
What's it gonna take? It just won't end
I need a savior, but if not me, who?
Will this ever be enough? Oh
Will this ever be enough?

Will this ever be (yeah)
Will this ever be enough?

It's about time for a quarter-life crisis
(Everything's fine, I like this)
Stuck inside 'cause I'm sick with the virus
(Never been better, it's priceless)
We've been brainwashed, civil war is arrivin'
(Ain't no stress, I'm thrivin')
I know I need help, but instead, I'm

How many last chances will I get? (Get)
How many times can I let you down with regret?
How much can I ask for 'til you walk out that door?
Speak now or hold your breath, yeah

If not now, when?
What's it gonna take? It just won't end
I need a savior, but if not me, who?
Will this ever be enough? Oh
Will this ever be enough?

Will this ever be (yeah)
Will this ever be enough?

Lies, f*ck it
My life's fallin' apart, but I love it
Know I should face it, but I'm runnin'
I'm runnin'
Don't like who I'm becomin'
I give in
Drop the disguise 'cause who am I kiddin'?
I need to switch up the life I'm livin'
So I'm back at the beginnin'
Back at bat, another innin'

Will this ever be (yeah)
Will this ever be enough?

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Murderer

I got sunshine when you're near
All my problems disappear
When you're gone, I'm back to blue
Tell me, what's the point of living
In a world so unforgiving?
What's the point of living without you?

I just wanna be a rock star with a million people followin'
Need you to like me so I keep bottlin' bad thoughts
Swallowin' pills, still wallowin'
Thrills feel hollow, obsessed with success
Made a next-up list, got a song goin' viral
I'm backstage at a show with my rival
But I'm a phony, I'm a psycho
My ego follows me wherever I go
Sign the dotted line on the contract
Half a million advance, givin' me a chance
Want it so bad, it takes all control of me
Nobody from back in the day can get a hold of me now
Mom and dad totally proud
I come home to Toronto, it's a sold-out crowd
But there ain't nobody showin' me how
And when you're this high up, it's a long way down

I got sunshine when you're near
All my problems disappear
When you're gone, I'm back to blue
Tell me, what's the point of living
In a world so unforgiving?
What's the point of living without you?

Second song flopped, get dropped
Thought that I was on top
Now I watch as all of these kids pass me
He's more young, he's more handsome
I get mad, I throw tantrums
I was the man last week
The algorithm is against me
My content ain't gettin' seen, it upsets me
"Didn't you know all of this pop-punk sells?"
I wanna unload all of these shotgun shells
If Sean Evans don't let me onto Hot Ones
I'ma give him hell, kill him and kill myself
Don't know how to heal myself
Shit, I don't even know if I'm still myself
Yungblud and MGK, they better give me a feature
Or they'll be comin' with me to the reaper
Travis, you didn't share the song neither
Thought I was in the game, I'm sittin' on the bleachers
Well, I'm sick of bein' underrated
I'd rather be the one that faded
I'm the best of a generation
Guess I gotta die to get my celebration
I'm sick of this pretend alternative
Don't care if I offend conservatives
This the rock album of the year, I'm sure of it
So why the f*ck hasn't anybody heard of it?
Sad to reflect on the lack of respect
That I have for the things that I have, I'm a wreck
It ain't gonna change for a bag or a check
The hole in my soul keeps rackin' up debt
But it's too late for me, I shoulda learned earlier
Mom's gotta bury her son, she's such a worrier
Send a message to my fans, direct courier
Tune in live for suicide, I'm a murderer

I got sunshine when you're near
All my problems disappear
When you're gone, I'm back to blue
Tell me, what's the point of living
In a world so unforgiving?
What's the point of living without you?

It was a mid-summer's day, rainin' steadily
When they came to reclaim the disgraced celebrity
Toxicology found medicated heavily
Oxycontin and weed, cocaine, amphetamines
Friends and family horrified
Online, he was glorified
More plays on his Spotify
Some even thought that he was still alive
Couple copycat suicides that was ill-advised
We ignored his cries and pleas
Until we posted his RIPs, it's ironic
That attention, he got high for it
To live forever, he had to die for it
Or so he thought 'cause a couple months go on
Forgotten for the new kid in town, so forth, so on
Another sob story when a star can't handle it
Lost angel fallen in Los Angeles

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I Will Be Here When You're Ready To Wake Up

(ft. Wafia)

I will be here
When you're ready to wake up
I will be here
When you're ready to wake up
When you're ready to wake up

---

Heather

2017
The first time you messaged me
First fan I ever had
Put me on when you were sad
Said you hated growin' up
You were sure that I'd blow up
Shared my song with all your friends
I could barely pay the rent
Singin' to an empty room
But I knew what it meant to you
You got the X's tattooed
Remindin' me I have you
Never got to thank you

I wouldn't be here without you, without you
Without you believin'
And now that I'm here without you, without you
The words have no meanin'
A promise was spoken, you're gone and I'm broken
Now I'm barely holdin' on, holdin' on
I wouldn't be here without you
Why am I here without you?

2021
Told me that you've come undone
Lost your job and lost your dad
Your biggest fan, he's all you had
X's covered up with scars
On your arm from self-harm
Message me, I don't reply
I wish I knew it was goodbye
Singin' to a crowded room
Saved a seat, I look for you
I made it to your hometown
Guess I'm on my own now
I wish I got to save you

I wouldn't be here without you, without you
Without you believin'
And now that I'm here without you, without you
The words have no meanin'
A promise was spoken, you're gone and I'm broken
Now I'm barely holdin' on, holdin' on
I wouldn't be here without you
Why am I here without you?

(I wouldn't be here without you, without you)
(I wouldn't be here without you)

This is dedicated
If you put me on your playlist
If you showed up to the stages
If I never get to say this
I'm proud of you
For all the shit that's drownin' you
And all the noise surroundin' you
Hope you find what I found in you
And I hope that you grow old with me
And we turn up 'til we're seventy
Play me at your wedding and you never leave
If you ever need anything and I don't pick up
Well, you still got a friend in me
Wish I said all that to Heather
Now I just hope she rests in peace

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Stuck Here With Me

Step one, gotta find a way to get the f*ck out of bed
Step two, gotta find a way to get the f*ck out my head
Step three, gotta wake up, do this over again
Every day, every night, I would trade it in a heartbeat
How the hell is everyone on autopilot?
They make it look so easy, but the closer I get
The more I feel like I could scream and start a riot
No way out, in a daze, hate to say it but

If I could switch on the count of three
I would do it, but I am stuck here with me
Oh, I wish there was someone else I could be
I would do it, but I am, I am
Stuck here with me
Oh, oh, oh
Stuck here with me
Oh, oh, oh

I love you, I'm tryin' (love you, I'm tryin')

Spent spring in the worst depression of my whole life
Spent summer in a cloud of smoke, way up with the kites
I became a version of myself I don't like
Winter, fall, all the same, I would trade it in a heartbeat
Through the screen, I'm watchin' everybody I grew up with move on
On the stage, I black out, forget the words to all of my own songs
In the corner, feelin' like I just don't belong
No way out, in a daze, hate to say it but

If I could switch on the count of three
I would do it, but I am stuck here with me
Oh, I wish there was someone else I could be
I would do it, but I am, I am
Stuck here with me
Oh, oh, oh
Stuck here with me
Oh, oh, oh

Beautiful people
Livin' in the palm of my hand
They make it look easy
Tell me why I can't understand

Stuck here with me
Oh, oh, oh
Stuck here with me
Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
(Beautiful people)
Oh, oh, oh (livin' in the palm of my hand, oh)
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh