gayrat - tearing myself apart Lyrics

Falling in and out of love in the same damn day
I won't ask if you love me, I am scared of what you'll say
I've had dreams that would simply pull my life apart
The seams of who I am get torn with every thought
Who am I to break the hearts of who I love
I f*ck it all up anyways, who would care if I could run
Away from every single moment that I have to make a choice
I'm not asking if you love me, please, just listen to my voice
And the words I say, I mean them more than anything
My dreams of being long forgotten mean more than just a ring
Being torn from my finger, I just want to be nobody
Thoughts of suicide seem to linger

I feel more free than I ever have before
But I still feel trapped, tell-tale heart beneath the floor
And the sounds it makes resound throughout the halls of my decisions
Simple enough, right, I just gotta make the right incisions
Thought about it too damn much to run from it
Ticking time bomb, blast radius is nothing
What the hell am I even running from
Just gotta say a few words, get depressed, and then some
Odd couple years will pass, and I'll f*ck it up again
Committing's not the issue, terrible is who I am
Sorry for the mistakes that hurt you, I can't fix that
Trust me, I have tried enough times to mend hearts
I'm mismatched in every sense of the word
Ever since the third time I had tried to get away with this
My mind gets carried off, my heart's the same, on a whim
I can go from being helplessly in love to breaking down relationships
And feeling like I have to run
I'm inconsistent, but I do this shit consistently
At the end of things, please don't come back missing me