Ode To... Video (MV)

Survivors Guilt

Out here in this world
Just tryna make it
Everything I seen
Sometimes I can't take it
But damn I really miss those times
My homies left and died

I...
I'm sorry
I know what your life meant to your family
They loved y'all like I'm suppose to love myself
I promised myself I wouldn't cry but how can I promise some shit like that when you promised me we wouldn't die
Cause those lives lost were mine too
Y'all were my brothers
Meant more to me then my father
Accepted me
I can remember each time so vividly

Out here in this world
Just tryna make it

Jorge's has been the most traumatic
We was just walking down the street when them foos shot at us over some old static
Their car was going 15 in a 25
I looked at my canal and he hit me with a smile
It was the most genuine thing I seen in a while
Halfway cross the street
You felt that sun burn that summa time heat
The car double backed
I turned only to be met with Jorges hands
That late June afternoon sounded like the 4th of July
Ducked down then a body kissed the ground
Red ink blots on the black street
Rushed to his side
Told him to get up
Jorge, Get Up
Get Up!
He reaches out to me just like in the movies
With his last breath he told me I was better then the street
That my potential shouldn't cover the concrete

Everything I seen
Sometimes I can't take it

Jose's hurt the most
Me and that Vato were hella close
Everybody thought we were brothers
In our eyes we were
The night was clearer then my skin in high school
The type of night where a walk at night seemed romantic
The lil homie ask for a ride
Couldn't leave my residence
Called Jose to picked up our canal
I think I shoulda told him the love I had
I fell asleep only to be awoken by my Dad
Said
"Check the news mijo, there's something you need a see"
Clicked to channel 4
There was a car filled with holes
White sheet over a dead body on the flo
His name was projected on the screen
I think that's the one time we ain't tryna see our homies on TV
Immortalized because of their journey to the other side
I cried
I died

But dam I really miss those times

But I'm still alive
More so humanly
Barely feel shit internally
Their families hated me
Said it shoulda been me
I think it's true
Suicide seems like
The only way out
Last time I tried
I couldn't quiet get it down
The old me don't live here no more
Depression before I was an adolescent
Hangs over my head like Seattle rain
Smoking and drinking numbed the pain
But that shit temporary
Just like my feelings
This life I'm living is for my boys, it ain't mine
Sometimes I don't feel when I cry
Ever since

My homies left and died