A Grey Area Album Lyrics by JP Saxe

---

Old Times Sake (Epigraph by Yesika Salgado)

Depends on the day or the lighting
Or how sweet I took my coffee that morning
Or the songs I showered to
Or how long the line at the bank was
Or who smiled at me on the way home
Or the shirt I wore, or a call I got at 2PM
Or a line in the last book I read

Depends on the couples I walk by
What I had for dinner, the weed I smoked
Or if I chose to go to bed early
Or if I've given up on sleep
Who knows what it is

That will suddenly make me want to love you again
One last try
For old times' sake

One last try
For old times' sake

---

I Don't Miss You

I've never called her by your name
I'm lucky yours and hers aren't similar in any way
But you're an undertone still if she listens
You're on the tip of my tongue when we're kissing

And my conscience is flooded
But I don't think much of it
It's subconscious and sudden
So I don't let it mean anything

I don't miss you
I just fantasize about you
Being someone who loves me
It's not fair to anybody
But I just can't get you off of my mind

I don't miss you
I just fantasize about you
Being someone who loves me
I can't help it how I dream
As if you're painted on the back of my eyes

I don't miss you
I just think about you all the time
I just think about you all the time

I can't say that I expected
Just how many moments where
We'd still be so connected
You sneak up on my imagination
In the worst possible situations

And my conscience is flooded
But I don't think much of it
It's subconscious and sudden
So I don't let it mean anything

I don't miss you
I just fantasize about you
Being someone who loves me
It's not fair to anybody
But I just can't get you off of my mind

I don't miss you
I just fantasize about you
Being someone who loves me
I can't help it how I dream
As if you're painted on the back of my eyes

I don't miss you
I just think about you all the time
I just think about you all the time

I don't miss you
I just fantasize about you
Being someone who loves me
It's not fair to anybody
But I just can't get you off of my mind

I don't miss you
I just fantasize about you
Being someone who loves me (someone who loves me)
I can't help it how I dream
As if you're painted on the back of my eyes

I don't miss you
I just think about you all the time
I just think about you all the time

I don't miss you
I just think about you all the time
I just think about you all the time

---

Anywhere

I know I've been away too long
And phone calls can't replace my arms
I promise you, I'm coming back
You say, "Then why doesn't it feel like that?"

I understand why you believe
Everybody leaves

But baby
There's no reason to worry
No reason to be scared
No matter where I go
I'm not going anywhere
Give me the time to prove it
I know I'll get you there
No matter where I go
I'm not going anywhere

I know you miss the way it was
That honestly makes two of us
Just know if and when you need it to
My world will have a place for you

I understand why you believe
Everybody leaves

But baby
There's no reason to worry
No reason to be scared
No matter where I go
I'm not going anywhere
Give me the time to prove it
I know I'll get you there
No matter where I go
I'm not going anywhere

I'm not going anywhere

There's no reason to worry
No reason to be scared
No matter where I go
I'm not going anywhere
Give me the time to prove it
I know I'll get you there
No matter where I go
I'm not going anywhere

---

Caught Up On You

Can I embrace what I still can't make sense of?
Home's the first place you tried running away from
It's hard to explain, and I kind of don't want to
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on you

I say, "I like the way that you get lost in a moment"
You say it's the only way that you can ever really hold it
And I laugh like I always do at hippie shit
You say you'd rather have the fun than be the one making fun of it
I say, "It's sexy how you speak three languages"
You tell me, "Don't say that, you sound so f*cking American"
And I kissed you before I let myself ruin it
But if I'd thought it through, I still would have gone through with it

We both like extended metaphors connected loosely
We both like fancy champagne mixed with White Claw or Truly
It taste better 'cause they shouldn't go together
You taste better 'cause we shouldn't go together

Can I embrace what I still can't make sense of?
Home's the first place you tried running away from
It's hard to explain, and I kind of don't want to
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on you

You're high and you're talking about communism
I'm high and I wanna go down on a communist
I think that my kink is intellectualism
Foreplay with songs set to 6/8 time rhythms

Make me want to lie about my reading habits
Care less about my social status
Teach myself to comfortably hold onto something
Knowing I could never have it
Make me want to study up on psychedelia
Spend less time on my social media
Teach myself to comfortably hold onto something
Knowing I could never keep you

Can I embrace what I still can't make sense of?
Home's the first place you tried running away from
It's hard to explain, and I kind of don't want to
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on you

Caught up on, caught up on
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on
Caught up on, caught up on
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on
Caught up on, caught up on
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on you

Can I embrace what I still can't make sense of?
Home's the first place you tried running away from
It's hard to explain, and I kind of don't want to
All that to say, I can't wait to get caught up on

---

Everything Ends

Our first conversation, we got to it quick
Skipped past the small talk and right to the heaviest shit
Like addiction in my family tree
Your predisposition for people who leave

You told me I don't look a thing like your past
It felt like the highest of compliments I'd ever had
And we named every dog in the park
And kissed like we knew it was us from the start

Oh, I wouldn't change a thing

Remember when we'd still been in more cities than weeks
A few minutes at most would go by between times that we'd speak
And I'd fly across the country to spend
Just a night, trying to keep quiet on a tour bus bed

Laughing at the vastly different sizes of our heads
If I could be anywhere, I'd still be here instead
(Maybe if my memory was better)
I'd be less afraid of losing what I can't remember

Oh, I wouldn't change a thing

Everything ends
Everything ends except us
Everything ends
Everything ends except us

Everything ends except us
Everything ends
Everything ends except us

---

Someone Else's Home

Don't like your choices of art on the walls, but I don't say it
It just feels unromantic to buy a painting at 3AM on the internet
Like, "What's the story with this?"
"Well, I was anxious and I couldn't sleep so I bought some shit"

I tried to put a sculpture in the yard once
A family memory I'd inherited
You said you hated it
"Can you put it at your studio and save me the embarrassment?"

I still park on the street when there's room in the driveway
And leave my shoes at the door
Leave my doubts in my head
And I desperately downplay
How I don't feel like me anymore

Haven't given up on making this my own
But it's always felt like someone else's home
Like someone else's home
Haven't given up on making this my own
But it's always felt like someone else's home
Like someone else's home

You want me looking at swatches and picking out tiles
I wanna go live in Peru for a while
You wanna buy houses and diversify your portfolio
I wanna get high on a jet ski in Tokyo

Don't you think we may have grown up too fast?
Missed out on acting our age
Maybe we're grown-ups to middle America
But we're still kids in L.A.

Haven't given up on making this my own
But it's always felt like someone else's home
Like someone else's home
Haven't given up on making this my own
But it's always felt like someone else's home
Like someone else's home

I still park on the street when there's room in the driveway
And leave my shoes at the door
Leave my doubts in my head
And I desperately downplay
How I don't feel like me anymore

(Given up on making this my own)
(Given up on making this my own)
It's always felt like someone else's home
(Given up on making this my own)
(Given up on making this my own)
It's always felt like someone else's home
Like someone else's home
(Somebody else's home)

---

Fear & Intuition

Staying in my old roommate's apartment
And saying I need balance
But this doesn't feel like balance
It just feels like less of you
I wish I could give you every answer
A perfect explanation
'Cause I hate to keep you waiting
Just like I always do

Don't know how to tell the difference
Between my fear and intuition
I've got one voice telling me to f*ck it up
And one voice telling me to fix it
Don't know how to tell the difference
Between my fear and intuition
I've got one voice telling me to f*ck it up
And one voice telling me to fix it

L.A. Told me to listen to myself
Toronto said not to change
New York told me to f*ck somebody else
I didn't know what to say
I've been tearing myself apart
To see what remains
And what it means to follow my heart
Depends on the day

Don't know how to tell the difference
Between my fear and intuition
I've got one voice telling me to f*ck it up
And one voice telling me to fix it
Don't know how to tell the difference
Between my fear and intuition
I've got one voice telling me to f*ck it up
And one voice telling me to fix it

All our friends are breaking up
Or getting engaged
And I emotionally froze
Three winters ago
When shit went up in flames
And I'm sorry that I'm so all over the place
And I emotionally froze
Three winters ago
When shit went up in flames

---

Who You Thought I'd Be

I picture you on Sunday morning
In a life that's gotten simple
A book between your knees
Decaf in your hands
Sunlight in your dimple

You're smiling at the world you've wanted
As he puts his hands through your hair
No one would believe
Anybody else
Had ever even been there

He'll love what you love
And he'll hate what you hate
When you plan out your future
He won't hesitate
You'll both have such deeply compatible dreams
He won't love you more
But you'll want the same things

His perfect version of Saturday night
Will be home on the couch
And in bed by nine
When he tells you he's staying
You'll know it's forever this time
It's inevitable
Eventually
You'll find who you thought I'd be

You can put me in a story
About someone inconsistent
Who comes up time to time
Helps you to compare
How he treats you different
You can summarize me as a phase
When you were younger
A two-year growing pain
Small bump in the road
That led you to each other

He'll love what you love
And he'll hate what you hate
When you plan out your future
He won't hesitate
You'll both have such deeply compatible dreams
He won't love you more
But you'll want the same things

His perfect version of Saturday night
Will be home on the couch
And in bed by nine
When he tells you he's staying
You'll know it's forever this time
It's inevitable
Eventually
You'll find who you thought I'd be

If I could, I'd give you the world
I'd be that person that you deserve
And even if it's not by your side
I'll always love you
Now, leave me behind

If I could, I'd give you the world
I'd be that person that you deserve
And even if it's not by your side
I'll always love you
Now, leave me behind

---

Moderación w/ Camilo

No Lyrics

---

All My Shit Is In My Car

All my shit is in my car, it makes me feel seventeen again
You put my drawer in a bag, and my clothes on the bed
You said you'd be gone from 12PM 'til 4
"Don't be there when I get back, and leave my key at the door"

I spent three hours getting sentimental
Projecting memories on the walls
Then erased myself in a half an hour
Like I was never there at all

If I could feel
What you want me to feel, I would
What you want me to want, I would
'Cause I don't want to lose you
Deeply confuse you
If I could choose, I would feel
What you want me to feel, I would
What you want me to want, I would
'Cause I don't want to lose you
Deeply confuse you
If I could choose, I would

Reading old anniversary letters to remind myself how we used to feel
Then old journals to remind myself how long the doubts have been real
Try to work it out in my mind, why our life doesn't feel like mine
What if I don't want what you want, but I never stop wanting you?

If I could feel
What you want me to feel, I would
What you want me to want, I would
'Cause I don't want to lose you
Deeply confuse you
If I could choose, I would feel
What you want me to feel, I would
What you want me to want, I would
'Cause I don't want to lose you
Deeply confuse you
If I could choose, I would

Spent three hours getting sentimental
(That's what I would feel) projecting memories on the walls
(That's what I would want) then erased myself in a half an hour
Like I was never there at all

If I could feel
What you want me to feel, I would
What you want me to want, I would
'Cause I don't want to lose you
Deeply confuse you
If I could choose, I would

---

The Good Parts

The way you turned to me in bed
And the way you said, 'Can I have my spot?'
Put your head against my chest
Asked me to rub your neck
Put on British Bake Show
Or some other stupid show we'd watch
My hand on your knee, in the passenger seat
On the 101 driving just aimlessly
The way you turned to me and said
'Going anywhere with you is okay with me'

So much of us was perfect
And it's always what I think about first
How nice it could've been if we only lived where our love works

Fossilize, my heart
Tryna hold on to the good parts
Memorize, you in my arms
Tryna hold on to the good parts
Can we separate the way it ended from the person
Refuse to take to heart the things we said when we were hurtin'
I still think we mostly are, the good parts

The way you'd make up silly names for me
I hated but you'd call me all the time
The way you fell asleep beside me in a hospital recliner
On the evening my appendix chose to die
In any kind of crisis it's impossible I wouldn't run to you
We almost prophesied it on the day we met like we already knew

Fossilize, my heart
Tryna hold on to the good parts
Memorize, you in my arms
Tryna hold on to the good parts
Can we separate the way it ended from the person
Refuse to take to heart the things we said when we were hurtin'
I still think we mostly are, the good parts

So much of us was perfect
And it's always what I think about first
How nice it could've been if we only lived where our love works

Fossilize, my heart
Tryna hold on to the good parts
Memorize, you in my arms
Tryna hold on to the good parts
Can we separate the way it ended from the person
Refuse to take to heart the things we said when we were hurtin'
I still think we mostly are, the good parts

---

When You Think Of Me

Feels like a disrespectful oversimplification
To say we wanted different things
To brush it off with an explanation
Like attachments styles and timing
You were my everything
Maybe that's part of the problem
But I wouldn't change a thing
Not from the moment it started

When you think of me
Are you settin' fire to every memory?
And do you believe
What doesn't last forever don't mean anything?
'Cause I swear I loved you fully
And I'm sorry not for stayin' who we thought I'd be
When you think of me
Am I just another man who leaves?
Just another man who leaves

I hate myself for hurting you, but it would make it worse to fix it
I wish I'd figured out a way of keepin' myself in it
'Cause I meant to be the man you were standin' with
Not another tally line to justify your fear of abandonment
And I hate how I lived up to your worst fears
Makes it worse how it worked so well for three years
And it could all be for the best in the end
But for now, it feels like losin' my best friend

When you think of me
Are you settin' fire to every memory?
And do you believe
What doesn't last forever don't mean anything?
'Cause I swear I loved you fully
And I'm sorry not for stayin' who we thought I'd be
When you think of me
Am I just another man who leaves?
Just another man who leaves

You were my everything
Maybe that's part of the problem
But I wouldn't change a thing
Not from the moment it started

When you think of me
Are you settin' fire to every memory?
And do you believe
What doesn't last forever don't mean anything?
'Cause I swear I loved you fully
And I'm sorry not for stayin' who we thought I'd be
When you think of me
Am I just another man who leaves?

---

If Love Ends

Two hundred miles outside Chicago in the winter
I know I always say, "I love a grey area"
I didn't mean it this way
Two hundred miles outside myself and I can't help it
You tell me what you need
Every cell inside my body says, "That's who we're gonna be"

I choose closing my eyes over rocking the boat
Lost in my mind, I don't know where I go when I follow you
When I follow you

I choose try to contort in the old comfort zone
Lost in my mind, I don't know where I go when I follow you

If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?
If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?
If love ends, is that not what we call it?

I'm a people pleaser, but I'm inconsistent
The part of me that's here is fighting
With the part of me that isn't
I told myself I'd never let anybody hurt you
So, what the f*ck do I do if I hurt you?

I choose closing my eyes over rocking the boat
Lost in my mind, I don't know where I go when I follow you
When I follow you

I choose try to contort in the old comfort zone
Lost in my mind, I don't know where I go when I follow you

If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?
If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?
If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?
If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?

I'm sorry that I tried to love you in a way
I couldn't keep up, I couldn't maintain
Would you have preferred I never did it all?
Like what was it even for?

If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?
If love ends, is that not what we call it anymore?