This Pain Video (MV)

This the type of pain that I can't explain
I'm just feeling plain then it hits like a train
Yeah I'm feeling fine til it enters my mind
Feel it in my hands, feet, down my spine
Always pray to god but still looking for signs
Always live in circles but I'm pushing for lines
I've been f*cked over like a million times
Always getting clowned cause I'm writing these rhymes
Is it such a crime that I found my passion
That I'm tryna shine and gain some traction
Wanna be defined as the god of rapping
Tryna find magic but this ain't Aladdin
I just want somebody who could be my Jasmine
Walk the red carpet steppin on the satin
It could never happen but I still imagine
Living in my dream a beautiful distraction

Parents wanted me to be a doctor
But I don't have any patience
I've been told I turned into a monster
I just hope it don't ever awaken
Got a clenched fist like I'm Arthur
Always feelin sorrow and frustration
And these pills are getting hard to swallow
I just need a little more sedation
I just need some to get away it's looking gray
I don't wanna decay
I'm tryna stay you know I'll come back someday or someway
I just need some time to pray
I just need a little bit of faith in life before it ends tonight
Before I clutch that knife
Before I down the whole bottle cause you know I might
And if I do just know that in the end I'm fine