Joe Black - The Wizards Tango Lyrics

You may know me as a sage, adept in the arcane
Chained to all my spell books just reading night and day
But there's oh so many facets, to the way I see the world
For without the things I'm learning Faerun would become unfurled
I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk
A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk
Some horny lute magician with some comic quick narration
Honestly what's the point in bardic inspiration
Yes this is a polka section and this is so I can fit many words to a jaunty tune
Thank you
Polymorph immolation summon up some evocation
Speak with dead, divination, try to say prestidigitation
Tidal wave command and halt shocking grasp and fire bolt
It's Tasha's laughter not fault some flames or an electric jolt
At level 1 so small and weak you could prone me with a nod
But once I've grown to level 12 you shall fear me as a god
A pinch of sulphur waste from bats the last thing you'll recall
Is the failed save your goblins made, before they're charred by fireball
I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk
A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk
Some horny lute magician with some comic quick narration
Honestly what's the point in bardic inspiration
Ah, comfortably back to tango
No more polka for me no no no no
I was a victim of Tasha's hideous polka
Which is not a spell but I think it should be
Well, yes there may be sorcerers and clerics have their day
Warlocks may also count but this I'd like to say
Just because you worship some eldritch giant squid
Can't you read a book or two, or learn a spell scroll god forbid
Relying on some ancestry or some wild higher power
Without these gifts you're given just a fragile little flower
Apologies if my opinion appears as an affront
I'm just sorry that my learning skills
Makes me seem like I'm a
Quite blunt
I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk
A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk
Some horny lute magician with some comic quick narration
Honestly what's the point in bardic inspiration
Ah it would appear we are at the sad part now
Sort of - ish
Though now I'm tired, my slots are gone no more magic to behest
So if you don't mind you'll find my kind enjoys a nice long rest
Though if I oversleep and it makes the party surly
To paraphrase some Gandalf
A wizards never late or early
I understand my type is often the antagonist or bad
But it's just because we're so damn good so please let's not be sad
As I end my lamentation to this song and that is that
So I'll bid farewell to all of you and tip my pointy hat
I'm a wizard and a scholar not a fighter or a monk
A rogue, a druid, ranger, or a bard who is a drunk
Barbarian or cleric, a paladin or worse
At least I'm not a warlock
With some pact I can't reverse
Roll for initiative
Hey