[ Featuring Ashley D Kelley, Original Broadway Cast of Shucked ]
Dad was a Clyde, ma was a Bonnie
My brother a con, my sister a connie
And then they had me, a fly in the ointment
In a long line of hustlers, a big disappointment
I got the charm (You do) and I got the looks (Sure do)
Got my DNA from the world's finest crooks (Finest crooks)
A professional poser
A counterfeit cad (A counterfeit cad)
Why can't I be better (Better than who?)
At just bein' bad?
You can do better, can do better, can do better
If only you could be better at just bein' bad
A disgrace to my fam'ly (Yep!)
Mocked by the mob (Uh-huh!)
'Cause I robbed a bank that had already been robbed (No way!)
My pyramid schemes (All of his schemes) all turn into squares (turn into squares)
When I need a strike
I'm always a spare ('Cause you're always a spare)
Oh, but I could be king (A king)
If I could just find the pawn (Checkmate)
Oh, I'd be a pro
At bein' a con (You'd be the greatest conman)
The tables I'd run
The numbers I'd pad (The numbers you'd pad)
If I could be better (Better than who?)
At just bein' bad! (Bein' bad!)
I could dig my way out of this ditch
If I had (If you had) just one more wagon to hitch
Be a plaid-wearing, really rich son of a bitch like my dad (Oh, dad)
I gotta get better (You gotta get better)
Or I'll end up deader (A million times deader)
Unless I get better (Better than before)
At just bein' bad!
You can do better, just do better
Just be better at bad!
