[ Featuring Helena Bonham Carter ]
That's all very well What're we gonna do about him?
Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him
Well, of course, we could do that
I don't suppose he's got any relatives going to come poking around looking for him
You know me, bright ideas just pop into my head and I keep thinking
Seems a downright shame
Shame?
Seems an awful waste
Such a nice plump frame
Wot's-his-name
Has
Had
Has
Nor it can't be traced
Business needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift
If you get my drift
No?
Seems an awful waste
I mean
With the price of meat what it is
When you get it
If you get it
Ha ha ha!
Good, you got it
Take, for instance
Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Business never better, using only pussycats and toast
And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste
Mrs. Lovett
What a charming notion
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always
Well, it does seem a waste
Mrs. Lovett
How I've lived without you all these years
It's an idea
I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable
How choice!
How rare!
Think about it
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be coming for a shave
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
For what's the sound of the world out there?
What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd
What is that sound?
Those crunching noises pervading the air?
Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd
Yes, all around
It's man devouring man, my dear
And who are we to deny it in here?
Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett And desperate measures are called for
Here we are, hot from the oven
What is that?
It's priest
Have a little priest
Is it really good?
Sir, it's too good, at least
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh
So it's pretty fresh
Awful lot of fat
Only where it sat
Haven't you got poet
Or something like that?
No, you see the trouble with poet
Is how do you know it's
Deceased?
Try the priest
Mm, heavenly
Ah
Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either
And good for business
Always leaves you wanting more Trouble is, we only get it in Sundays
Lawyer's rather nice
If it's for a price
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow
It twice
Anything that's lean
Well, then, but if you're British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal
Marine
Anyway, it's clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been
Is that squire
On the fire?
Mercy no, sir
Look closer
You'll notice it's grocer
Looks thicker
More like vicar
No, it has to be grocer-it's green
The history of the world, my love
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors
Is those below serving those up above
Everybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors
How gratifying for once to know
That those above will serve those down below!
Now, let's see
We've got tinker
Something pinker
Mm, tailor?
Mm, paler
Potter?
Hotter
Butler?
Subtler
Locksmith?
Lovely bit of clerk
Maybe for a lark
Then again, there's sweep
If you want it cheap
And you like it dark
Try the financier
Peak of his career
That looks pretty rank
Well, he drank
It's a bank
Cashier
Last one really sold
Wasn't quite so old
Have you any beadle?
Next week, so I'm told
Beadle isn't bad till you smell it
And notice how well it's
Been greased
Stick to priest
Now this may be a bit stringy, but then again, it's fiddle player
Ah, no, no, no, that's not fiddle player That's piccolo player
How can you tell?
Because it's piping hot
Then blow on it first!
The history of the world, my sweet
Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd
What does it tell?
Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat
And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd
Who gets to sell
But fortunately, it's also clear
That everybody
Goes down well with beer
Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about Rear Admiral?
Too salty I prefer General
With or without his privates? Wi- "With" is extra
What is that?
It's fop
Finest in the shop
Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd
On top
And I've just begun
Here's the politician- so oily
It's served with a doily
Have one?
Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it's going to run
Try the friar
Fried, it's drier
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy
Then actor-
That's compacter
Yes, and always arrives overdone
I'll come again when you
Have judge on the menu
Wait! True, we don't have judge yet, but we've got something you might fancy even better
What's that?
Executioner
Have charity towards the world, my pet
Yes, yes, I know, my love
We'll take the customers that we can get
High-born and low, my love
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone
Meaning anyone
And to anyone
At all!
