Jordan Caesar - Death to Reputation Lyrics

I just dive in
Treating my conscience like it's a sidekick
Bonnie and Clyde, taking advice, ignoring my friends
She's standing between me and them like a hyphen
Wherever I go, she goes, we're something of an item
Always move in silence
I know I said I'm on my way but I will probably be like ten
Minutes late; that turns into thirty, you know I'm lying
Phone blowing up, I'm not replying
Family relying
On me but I can't liven
What their going through
I try to escape but the grip only tightens
Mood never lightens
Room never brightens
Stare at my reflection
Time flying by
Another lie, telling everybody that I'm feeling fine
Never get it twisted 'cause I'm always gonna take care of mines
Even if that means that I have to go without sometimes
I let it slide. Planning to speak out and then nevermind
I keep it to myself because I verbally cannot describe
What I'm going through if I can't hear a beat
Hindering me, in relationships if I can't say how I feel
So I'm cutting people off because it's easier to close your eyes to all the bullshit instead of facing what's real
Now, excuse my selfish needs but by any means necessary I find ways to cope with low self esteem
Whether it's entertaining hoes or treat the Uber ride like therapy
Bad habits of confusing affection and jealousy
I do the most, paranoid that something's gonna come for me
To bruise the soul. Laying up at 3am wondering
What the future holds. Or life plays out when it's still buffering
A rude approach. And I know misery loves company
I wear it like a suit of clothes
Catching me at events is like witnessing a UFO
At least until I calm down
Told her that I trust just so she can let her guard down
I could never love her but I play the part: all smiles
I'd have so many riches if I wasn't burning bridges
I can never reach the princes if I'm killing off the pigeons
They thinking that I'm trolling when I have different opinions
Everyone has a story and sometimes I am the villain
Everybody is guilty until proven innocent
With that state of mind, I avoid the controversy
So my smile's fake and my kindness is limited
Because everyone's a liar until you're proven trustworthy
And that's a lot of lies
Thinking of the future feeling terrified
Lost my sense of humor, I just wake up feeling dead inside
Walk around blind as I'm searching for the steps to guide
Me towards my freedom but that happiness I never find
My reputation walks with me
Always there to dry my eyes
When I cry, just so that these niggas never see the side
That I choose to hide. Lonely not alone. Ride or die
Lie at night, praying that it's only God who know my crimes
I know one day they'll come for me
Old friends who watched me rise
And build a throne of enemies and those I used to idolize
Conspiring my downfall, even if I don't survive
The fear that my name will not be immortalized
Got me missing out on things I promised I'd never miss
And apologizing more times than I'd like to admit
And if what they heard of me is what they never forget
The reputation they created never comes to an end
It never dies