How far back would I have to go
To where I knew every song on the radio?
It was back in the 80's, when I had a perm,
And Talking Heads had themselves a house to burn
Now I still drive a car with a radio
But if you pick a pop station, I probably won't know
Most of the artists that you hear on there
And I'm kinda embarrassed and I do kinda care
My radio stays on NPR news
Which my favorite station plays, plus jazz and blues
But I wanna get back into song writing
Turning thoughts into lyrics still sounds exciting
So I gotta update my music education
And let some younger artists give me inspiration
The lyrics, the dance moves, the clothing and the beats,
But at my age, the first thing that's jumping out at me:
No child prodigy or teen sensation,
I'm too late to be the "it" girl of a new generation
I might've had a chance to be an M I L F
But now I'm old enough to be a G I L F
But I don't expect to ever write a big hit song
If I do, my video won't show me dancing in a thong
You could call me a lady of a certain age,
But I'm too late to be a MILF, scratch that off the page.
So it's not that I don't think I got it going on
I don't look in the mirror, thinking my looks are gone
I'm pretty sure that I can still get a guy's attention
If he's old enough to be in m-m-my g-generation
But looking at the singers who are popular now,
Would my video go viral if I dressed up like a cow?!?
Don't mean no disrespect to Ms. Doja Cat,
But that ship has sailed for me, I can't compete with that!
And it's not that I'm afraid to get on up and shake it, but
I ain't dancin' with the stars, and I can't fake it
Don't have the moves to dominate the dance floor
But I hit my target heart rate, why ask for more?
Well, if you gotta dance to be a rock star
I still won't be doing splits on the hood of a classic car
I don't mean to diss young Ms. Taylor Swift,
But at my age, I don't wanna risk breaking a hip
No child prodigy or teen sensation,
I'm too late to be the "it" girl of a new generation
I might've had a chance to be an M I L F
But now I'm old enough to be a G I L F
But I don't expect to ever write a big hit song
If I do, my video won't show me dancing in a thong
You could call me a lady of a certain age,
But I'm too late to be a MILF, scratch that off the page.
Where my reading glasses? I got mail from A A R P.
No crop top with yoga pants for me!
I got nothin' 's gonna send this video viral overnight
And for me to be rapping doesn't even seem right,
So why all this talk of what I'm never gonna be?
And what does being a MILF or not got to do with me?
Some women can make any age look hot,
But youth is so far in my rearview; I know what I'm not
There's one last reason that I wanna make clear
With no dissing any of the awesome Moms out here
You could call me a certain age of a lady
But I can never be a MILF, 'cause I ain't ever had a baby!
No child prodigy or teen sensation,
I'm too late to be the "it" girl of a new generation
I might've had a chance to be an M I L F
But now I'm old enough to be a G I L F
But I don't expect to ever write a big hit song
If I do, my video won't show me dancing in a thong
You could call me a lady of a certain age,
But I'm too late to be a MILF, scratch that off the page.