K!tti - SON Lyrics

When I was a child I was always alone
Mom never home, 11 years old with no place to go
I didn't know that wasn't normal, that wasn't right
Thought every kid knew the same plight
In hindsight I was blind, right
Cause I should've saw the signs from bruises and black eyes
Dad always saying not to cry
The anger in my mama's eyes
When I talked back, stepped up to her wrath
Ran off in the night, instead of picking a fight

I was only a kid, I was only a kid
No idea what I did, no idea what I did
I know you wished for a son
Got me asked god what you'd done
I'll never be what you want
Pushed me away, guess you've won

Here I am, pick myself up again
Even though I am a sin
Well, at least I am to them
I know everyone tells me I'm all right
I'm okay, everything will return to the way it was in the good old days
But I don't want that
The times back to hiding behind locked doors and school staff
And always lying to the therapist, tell em I'm just pissed
Cause if they knew how many times you swung at me, cursed at me
It'd be you, who would be
Told you're a mistake, gave nothing but heartache
I am grown now I know how to take care of myself
But I doubt that
I'll ever be able to stand tall
Wipe myself off after I fall and say
I'm proud of myself for all that I have handled
What did I do to make you see me as a loser
Got straight A's, never made waves
Not enough for you or my abuser
Never gonna appease you or please you
I was a goddamn child, not that you knew
The difference between a kid and a toy
That you could break down and destroy
I'm not gonna pity myself, nah
Not gonna get hung up on you, Ma
Won't worry about you or your wife, Pa
Maybe you'da loved me if I'd been a son, huh

I was only a kid, I was only a kid
No idea what I did, no idea what I did
I know you wished for a son
Got me asked god what you'd done
I'll never be what you want
Pushed me away, guess you've won