Lenell Louis - release. Lyrics

I'm always there for everyone else
Listening ear, my emotions on the highest shelf
Taking on emotions, energies, such commotion, remedies
None are spoken, endlessly I am chosen
To be the one to lean on like a shoulder
I take their pain, strap to my back, like a soldier
Carrying this weight for years feels like a boulder
I'm shuttin' down, breaking my bones, and y'all don't notice
I'm not surprised at the least
The only time they give a f*ck is when you're sick or deceased
And even then, you're forgotten next week
Yes, the logic is bleak
I know this life ain't what you thought it would be
Please, this is normal like a walk in a park
I've been disconnected for years, I thrive in the dark
I'm ready to spark cause constantly people's remarks
Play a part inside my mind's shattered pieces of art
Its funny, I wish I had the problems you had
How the f*ck you think it feels to have a mother who's had
Surgeries on heart strings; thanks to lost things
From family members who causing her pain; her heart sings for me
I left and yet I knew I'd be back
I had a vision for my life, why the f*ck I do that?
God laughed, I laughed too, f*ck was I supposed to do?
Challenge what was written like I'm bigger than what He do?
But peep, I blame myself my mother's death
I shoulda never left, I coulda set aside my quest
Everything was just right, it's like I passed a test
But then it fell outta place; just like a puzzle set
For real, I'm tired, exhausted is not the word
I would use, I'm confused and trapped within a blur
Coulda sworn 2012 was yesterday, I concur
Here we are with cards we've been dealt, so do your worse
Cause I, you know I always strive for the best
I'm always running off of fumes, like there's gas in my chest
Having dreams of suicide, death is chasing me next
Three in the morning asking God to keep me out of this mess
I'm dying, crying, and trying to get a grip on all of this shit
Sometimes I wonder if I'm heard in this bitch
Since everybody goes about their business
And still witness my self destruction
I might as well say f*ck it and end it for real

God protect me
I know You hear my pleas
My strength is dwindling
Why have You done this to me?
God do you hear me?
I need you desperately
But I cannot see
The way You have for me

I know it won't resolve any problems
I'm just being honest
I wear the weight; I'm built as the strongest
But even the strongest can feel like smallest
Like Adonis, I've been workin' the hardest
And yet I'm still tarnished
And I can't seem to get a grip on love
I done pushed a lot away because I'm too f*cked up
And that wasn't fair and neither was them
I needed someone there and when they came, I felt empty within
It's true
So now I'm just stuck in a daze
Walking the ceilings of my brain, I'm tryna get it appraised
Thinking about the younger days when Rosa had me amazed
I haven't really been the same since Alisa displayed
Her true colors
I thought that maybe we could comfort each other
But it seems that there some static among us
Could I fix it? I'd rather say f*ck it
Because sometimes it's just f*ck it
And ain't no room for discussions
But there's one discussion I wished that I had
With a certain somebody who's gotten close in the past
But on the cool, I'm just scared
Or not prepared to just ask
About her care and concern
Although I know she will last
If we would just get it together
And put our past in past
But see I'm wondering
Would she do what everyone has?
How could I know this my nigga?
I haven't taken a chance
Or given myself the chance
Cause I don't know if I can
But then again what the f*ck I gotta lose?