Letras de Congress Of Wonders
Letra de Star Trip
Kwirk
captains log; stardate: 3.142857--aw, forget about it! this is captain kwirk on the starship intercourse. thrusting its way through space, on another penetrating mission.
(alleluia song is playing.)
Hunkie
captain! captain! whats that in space ahead?
Kwirk
huh? oh no, its another space tricky! darn this solar system anyway! nothing but space trickys. get the phasers on that bird.
Hunkie
captain! captain! all the stars have gone out!
Kwirk
no, you fool! youve leaned on the button! turn the viewer back on! now get the phasers on that bird.
Loud voice
i am an angel of the lord!
Kwirk
(the effects slow down like a record)
yeow! that baked him good!
Hunkie
oh wow, it looks just like thanksgiving out there!
Kwirk
dont think about it, lt. hunkie!
Hunkie
i cant help thinking about it. last thanksgiving was rotten. just that food supplement pill with turkey written on it. its not the same, captain. its not the same.
Kwirk
turn off the view screen, were out here and this is where we are.
Hunkie
why cant i think about it? im an officer, too.
Kwirk
youve got enough to think about, youve got a whole dashboard to take care of.
Smock
captain, have your (?) space turkey has knocked up slightly off course.
Kwirk
well, lemon...
Smock
its leh-meen, sir.
Kwirk
now we must get back on course.
Smock
its leh-meen, sir, did you hear me say that?
Kwirk
nah--uh--y-yes--uh--uh, lie-nen, uh, but we must get back on course.
Smock
yes sir, we must get back on course, do you want to check the reading?
Kwirk
aw yes, let me see, the quick brown fox.
Smock
that is the wrong reading, ill check this.
Kwirk
oh, oh, i see, yah, yes, n-now my communicator. get me engineering.
Eubangdere
thats my box, captain!
Kwirk
oh, oh, pardon me, lt. eubangdere! allow me to apologize pro flu slay.
Eubangdere
just take your hand off my box.
Smock
captain?
Kwirk
yes, smock?
Smock
may i remind you that since we are traveling at a rate of walk factor iii, that our collision with that turkey, thirty-eight seconds ago, that has put us 13 billion miles off course.
Kwirk
well, good heavens, smock, why wasnt i told him this earlier? this is the captain speaking, connect me with engineering.
Eubangdere
im sorry, but that line is busy.
Kwirk
this is the captain. give me engineering.
Eubangdere
im sorry, sir, but that line is busy.
Kwirk
but i have a direct line, im the captain. operator! operator! operator! did you hear that, smock? are my people putting me on?
Smock
i dont know, sir. as you know i am the vulgarian and jokes are beyond me. (chuckle)
Kwirk
hmmmm...thats the first time ive ever heard him laugh. hmph! oh, wait a minute, we must contact engineering. my god, 15 billion miles off course
Smock
23 billion miles off course now, sir, if my calculations are correct. and they always are.
Kwirk
this is the captain speaking. give me engineering.
(the party music is playing. people are chattering.)
Party guy
come here, try some of this!
Party girl
would you blow up my balloons? flash!
(captain kwirk clears his throat.)
Party guy
shhh! cut it! everybody be quiet!
Kwirk
this is the captain speaking.
Party guy
(on captain)
shut up!
Hunkie
who is it?
Kwirk
its the captain! were 23 billion miles off course!
Smock
29 billion.
Kwirk
29 billion----operator! operator!
Eubangdere
im sorry, sir, but that line is busy, heh!
Kwirk
smock, we dont realize what a mess were in 29 billion miles off course.
Limey
(stupid voice)
captain, this is engineering, lt. limey speaking. do you realize were 34 billion miles off course?
Kwirk
limey, i just called you! whats going on down there?
Smock
captain, according to my calculations, were 38 billion miles off course.
Kwirk
thank you, smock!!!
Smock
why are you pinching your eyes together, captain? it doesnt help the situation or does it have any physiological effect? highly illogical behavior. tsk, tsk, tsk! youve heard me.
(kwirk sighs in grief.)
Limey
captain, where did you go? were 45 billion miles off course.
Kwirk
im still here, limey. lt. eubangdere, have the computer compu--course correction coordinates, engineering, curse creation--coor--crea--curs--uuh--engineering standby.
Limey
its about time, captain, by now we must be 52 billion miles off course. theyre traveling faster than lightning.
Kwirk
lt. eubangdere, where are the course readings, eh? where? lt. eubangdere--uh...where in the hell did she go?
Hunkie
she went to church, sir!
Kwirk
church!? she cant be, its tuesday afternoon!
Hunkie
its her sect, do you know?
Kwirk
i am aware of her sex, lieutenant!
Hunkie
no, no, her sect, her sect, shes among with a poodle-lay(???) you know kimiwaukee-too-long(???)
Kwirk
ugh! when will it ever end?
Hunkie
captain! captain! all the stars have gone out!
Kwirk
lt. hunkie, if you lean on that button once more, i will have you ejected into hyperspace through the garbage chute!!! take over the controls, smock! ill find lt. eubangdere myself!
Smock
aye aye, sir!
Kwirk
aw, lets see, where did she go now?
Smock
shes in the ships saps!
kwirk
the ships what?!
Smock
the chapel, the meditation area. although i personally find religion highly illogical.
Kwirk
(sigh) uhh, ill have to take the elevator down. aw these problems! you see im never on this level. uh, maybe its in here.
Eubangdere
oh my way, oh my way, oh my way...
Kwirk
you cant do that in there, this is the broom closet!
Smock
were engaged!
Kwirk
well, disengaging report back to your stations. humph! oh, i must be down the corner to the left. oh, ive got to stop talking to myself.
Singers
ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah-teeng-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang! alive men!(?)
Kwirk
uh, but...but wheres lt. eubangdere? chaplan! chaplan!
Chaplan
theres a room 70...???
Kwirk
aaaahh! oh! that mask, you scared me! i thought this was the act--uh--uh--the chapel!
Chaplan
im sorry, i didnt mean to startle you! since theres only one chapel on the starship intercourse. i become very indebt as a number of different religious service.
Kwirk
oh.
Chaplan
im afraid i get quite in mast in my role. oops, there, ive spattered blood all over your tights.
Kwirk
yech!
Chaplan
dont worry, its only pig blood it comes off with a little lemon and salt. you know its really wonderful to be a chaplan in outer space.
Kwirk
huh?
Chaplan
space is so wonderful! so vast! so infant! so religious! i was just thinking the other day when i was doing the terrible complicated flip-ziggy(??) services for the worshipers from zakaans...
Kwirk
zakaans...
Chaplan
oh! which reminds me, captain, that is a mind of extremely important so of which i must speak to you.
Kwirk
huh?
Chaplan
it is the matter of the psychic moral of the ship...
Kwirk
who?
Chaplan
many of the mystic men. how do americans say it? the little people?
Kwirk
huh?
Chaplan
or undergoing a great deal of strange...implants(???) are ruining about the ship. some of the men are saying that the dietician is putting the salt peter in the food supplement tablets.
Kwirk
mmmm...
Chaplan
then, there is the problem of beaming down.
Kwirk
huh?
Chaplan
the mystic men feel that it does not fear that only officers get to leave the ship.
Kwirk
huh?
Chaplan
there as they put it, going stir crazy acquainted, dont you agree?
Kwirk
uh-uh.
Chaplan
i even just alone to go dirty religious service, i overheard a room out to the effect. the ship is over 125 billion miles off course.
Kwirk
it is?
Chaplan
it is. isnt that wonderful? space is so vast! there are so many possibilities.
Kwirk
chaplan, this is an emergency! i-i-i must speak with lt. eubangdere!
chaplan
oh dear, she seems to have left.
Kwirk
oh! (g-r-r-r-r!)
Chaplan
well ill bet shes back in the control room right now. you know, if you keep calm instead of turning purple like that, only your problems would solve themselves.
Smock
captain?
Kwirk
what is it, smock?
Smock
weve located lt. eubangdere, hes locked in the womans room on level 4.
Kwirk
oh no!
Smock
weve sent a janitor over there with a skeleton key, we should have her out in any moment.
Kwirk
but this is an emergency! cant you do anything faster? cant you blast her out?
Smock
but the womans room on level 4 is only three by three. we wouldnt want to reduce her to atoms, that would be illogical.
Kwirk
listen, smock! we must at--quickly the ship is already 125 billion miles off course!
Smock
140 billion miles off course!
Kwirk
well--w--we must do something quickly, anyway! say, cant you operate the computers yourself?
Smock
of course, i can operate the computers, i am the vulgarian!
Kwirk
well why didnt you?
Smock
you didnt ask me, after all, im only the squire, rule of the night, you didnt order me, captain!
Kwirk
listen, pixie-ears! get on that computer!!!!!
Eubangdere
the price is ten more cents or another five, or three minutes! whoopee!
Kwirk
ive really got to have that operator replaced! excuse me, chaplan, i must return to the bridge!
Chaplan
yall we watch over you! now how am i to be with you? im a ga--uh--guide your error. may this shnook be with in you.(?) let christ be above you. and they unbleed(??) of the seven rooms light your way.
Kwirk
uh, if only i can get up to the main control room in time.
(controls had gone bad.)
Kwirk
now, smock, hows the computer doing?
Smock
im programming it now, something seems to be wrong, listen to this...maybe if i do this...
(telephone line going fast.)
Hunkie
captain! captain! all the lights have gone out!
Kwirk
take your hands away from your eyes, lt. hunkie. all right, damage control, give me an estimate on the damage.
Smock
well, captain, its easily $27,000,000 worth of damage.
Hunkie
uh...$27,000,000 worth of damage?! grrrr!
Smock
well, actually, its only one tube that costs fifteen cents, but the service charge is enormous since the result of many light years away from the service area. that is provided and they can find us anyway seeing us were 200 billion miles off course.
Eubangdere
whats going on here?
Kwirk
lt. eubangdere! if you leave the control room again without telling me! ill--ill--
Eubangdere
urgent! (crying) oh--oh--ah--oh, thats the way you feel about it! i quit!
Kwirk
oh! oh no! oh! i--i dont--i dont feel that way! no--here, have a seat, make yourself comfy, oh, you look nice this afternoon--evening--morning--whatever it is, its so hard to tell on ship boarding. when did i say blast anyhow?
Eubangdere
why are you pinching your eyes together like that, captain homie?
Kwirk
can you fix the computer? please!?!?
Eubangdere
well, of course, ill just stick these little old bobby pin in here!
(the fast telephone line stops.)
Kwirk
oh, thank god! oh! standby for change of course!
Random shouting
engineering!
Kwirk
oh no!
Limey
lawyers in here(????) its the cops!
Eubangdere
put your clothes on, limey!
Limey
its the light and the viewers not turned on.
Kwirk
standby for new co-ordinance!
Limey
whats he talking about?
Eubangdere
im so high!
Kwirk
limey? youre demoted!
Limey
oh ho ho, well then youll have to get someone else, wont you? (chuckle)
Kwirk
oh, oh, oh, no, no! youre not demoted! uh--uh--youre--youre advanced! just get us back on course!
Mobster #1
(banging on the elevator door)
hey! lets track em down!
Kwirk
hey, whats that sound on the elevator?
(the crowd breaks out yelling!)
Kwirk
what are you people doing here? you arent allowed on the bridge! you arent even off the surface!
Mobster #2
just stick it up your asteroid, captain kwirk!
Mobster #3
hit me! hit me!
Mobster #4
they overlook my claustrophobia! keep going!
Mobster #1
freedom, now!
Eubangdere
im lonely, im this so small! im so skimpy!
Kwirk
im tired of trying to scan this in free-for-alls!
(whoosh! boom! another fast telephone line.)
Mobsters
me too!
Mobster #2
up your asteroid!
Smock
in your nimbulin!(???) take him down to the beam room! lets get em off the ship!
Kwirk
lieutenant! its me, sir, matzo(???), hunkie, get these people out of here!
Mobsters
take over! take over! take over! take over!
Kwirk
smock! smock! hah! hes unconscious!
Smock
take him to the beam room!
Kwirk
hold your hands!
(fast telephone line stops.)
Smock
now, captain, were going to beam you down to one of the large asteroids in the feminine cluster. well of course in form of space trawl of your co-ordinance, but since we are quarters of trillion miles off course. guard knows when hell find you.
Kwirk
you cant do this!
(whiiiiizzzzzzzz!!!! chipmunks soundalike!)
Maggie mcapron
stardate: 3.14285--aw, the heck with it! this is laundry assistant third class, maggie mcapron, weve taken over, the ship is ours! were setting out for the planet euphoria! were going to get off this blasted thing and have some fun!
(the crowd cheers.)
maggie mcapron
whoopee! euphoria! fingers on my thimbles, make the noise!
(the crowd cheers.)
Maggie mcapron
ooh-we-de-two-de to deal with all the boys. ah ha ha ha!
Smock
ah ha ha ha!