Lil JJ Reynolds - Painful Memories Lyrics

Through the microscope were demons staring back at me
They're stupid for being cowards, they all attack and leave
Flashback to me, moving on from heavy feelings
Of what I would encounter, but never fully healed, and
Self harm became appealing 'thru hurtful days, it
Would soothe me when my own blood spilled on the pages
Miscommunication would present itself
Between myself and human beings, my kindness was sent to hell
Angry feelings guarded sketches of the real me
Of course I disagreed by saying that I'm still me
Filthy mindset first, the second fact is I'm a jerk
Blame them busters in my past who treated me like dirt
Dirty perks to me were standing under lightning
Disliking who would say, "it'll be alright and keep fighting
When it won't be, and I'm losing battles, slowly
Suffering silently with my painful memories
Painful memories
They're attacking me
My mind is on a jet with misery, they're about to fly back
To my childhood, to fetch for my pain and play catch
Through the years, I was hurt, treated wrong by those
Who promised that they'll never hurt me, but as soon as we got close
Or when things got real, they would bail super fast
Faster than the time that passes, leaving me a shattered glass
It would seem like deja vu to when my parents left me
And ever since then, it seems like that's how the rest be
They test me and I fail by falling for their games
All I see is a heartbroken loser in the frame
Feels impossible to change and feel great about myself
When I constantly degrade, bash, blame, and hate myself
Everything that I've faced would nail me to the coffin in my head
Now I'm feeling suicidal, am I better off dead?
Or is it another episode from my depression?
Meds would hallucinate me, so I won't remember what I said
What I thought of in that moment, but my sinful actions
Were already committed, and I would pretend like nothing happened
So I said, "forget it", knowing I already blew it
There goes another sad moment to explain in my music
Amusement was when it blasted to the world and the ears
Something for others to laugh at, in this world, no one cares
Unless you're in the casket, if I am, will they remember me?
Or forget me and my painful memories?
Painful memories
They're attacking me
Painful memories
They're attacking me
You see, it's a trick to this game that we play
If you're considered a loner, they wouldn't wanna hang with you
But if you was balling, flexing, or profiling, they'll be right there
It's reverse psychology
Them fake phonies don't know what us real folks go through
They'll be quick to judge and bash us in a heartbeat
But when you die, they'll expose their true character
They'll pretend like they was there for you, that they've always cared for you
That they was there 'thru all the bad times in your life
That there is what I've experienced in my whole life
My life is filled with painful memories
So don't worry bout me
Just let my music speak to you
-J