Ya' know, I can't accept you yet, if I can't accept myself
They say age wrinkles the body, but quitting wrinkles the soul
And uh
When I was younger, I used to want this shit (I did)
But as I got older, I started giving up (Yup)
It's been a while since I last wrote like this (Like this)
Clearing my desk of the lyrics that I ripped up
Writer's block, for far too long now (Long now)
Somewhere along the line, I just lost touch (Lost touch)
But I've been thinking deeply all about how (How?)
It would reflect, if I just gave up (Gave up)
The friends and family I would let down (Let down)
To live and die inside my hometown (Hometown)
To never make it out, studio been taken down
I've been breaking down, of the site of this vacant house (Vacant house)
All the songs that been done here (Done here)
Some that you will never even hear
All the time spent in here, I lost the time escaping here
I'd close the door to hide a tear, and lose my mind from facing fears
Yeah
In my life, I hate to, be absent
In my mind, I fight for, a Balance
What is wrong with you?
This is everything you ever wanted!
Everything you've ever worked for!
Everything you even think about!
Dream about!
How could you do this to me?
This is all you know!
Your whole f*cking life!
You let them do this!
You're letting them win!
Get up!
And so it continues
The greener grass on the other side (Lies)
Feel if I don't ever make it, than I'd rather die (Die)
So I sacrifice my life, and tell you that I'm fine (Fine)
I fear failure and success, I got my hands tied (Yeah)
But I could never let you down
I can't stand to see you cry, I'm going harder now (Harder now)
I gotta' make this shit happen, it's our ticket out (Ticket out)
I'm tryna' do this all myself, without the support of the town
So f*ck 'em
I'll get my mind right, from those who empower me (Power me)
And power off the negative energy that's surrounding me (Surrounding me)
I came a long way from starting out, and people clowning me (Clowning me)
To them becoming fans, then trying to become down with me! (Down with me)
Like I don't remember, the days they doubted me
But that's the highest form of respect now, undoubtedly
As the anxiety rises, to the point in which it towers me (Towers me)
It's now in plain site to break down, like it's Greenwich Street
Damn
In my life, I hate to, be absent
In my mind, I fight for, a Balance
What is wrong with you?!
This is everything you ever wanted!
Everything you've ever worked for!
Everything you even think about!
Dream about!
How could you do this to me?
This is all you know!
Your whole f*cking life!
You let them do this!
You're letting them win!
Get up!
And then I get my sights back (Yeah)
On what's really important
Putting money into music, started selling my Jordans
I've been rocking my own merch, instead of others endorsements
Gotta' treat it like a business, of the highest importance (I do)
And I do this all myself, I take pride in the craft (I do)
I've been at it all night, just a pen and the pad
And I'm reporting to the booth to record what I had (Had)
Then I'm mixing that night, it starts over again (Again)
The patterns I've been living (Living)
Got me caught up in my mission (Mission)
And I've written 'bout my life (Life)
Inside this music that I've been giving (Giving)
I've been hidden, I've been missing
I've been caught inside this business
Of this life I'm always wishing
I heard a voice that told me listen
No!
It's been years, and I can't stop, now (Now)
I've shed tears, and this blood was a, vow (Vow)
Sometimes I fill my head with, doubt (Doubt)
And I hear this voice in my head get, loud (Loud)
In my life, I hate to, be absent
In my mind, I fight for, a Balance
What is wrong with you?
This is everything you ever wanted!
Everything you've ever worked for!
Everything you even think about!
Dream about!
How could you do this to me?
This is all you know!
Your whole f*cking life!
You let them do this!
You're letting them win!
Get up!
I wish I never made a pact with you (Pact with you) (Amen)
'Cause when I'm down, I'm running back to you (Back to you) (Yeah)
Because of what I sank back into (Back into) (F*ck)
I wish I could turn you off, or just give you the silent treatment
Before you start to talk, and criticizing my decisions
I need my distance
Don't give me no assistance
I know that I'm persistent, all because of your existence
This god damn curse man, what the f*ck is this?
I'm going out my mind, and all you care about's the business (Uh)
I been in the lab, you work me harder
The pens and the pad, are open often
I'll give what I have, and feel so awful
My health on the line, I feel the wobble
Admiring me, I'm trying to stop you
Inhibiting me, I been around you
The rest of the crowd will smile without you
Building me up, I'd doubt you
But I don't (Nah)
It took time, I broke free from the wall (Yeah)
And I appreciate what you've done to keep me going
Now I truly get it, not just random granted malice (Malice)
Fighting with myself so long, you are my Balance (Balance)
Balance
Yeah
In my life, I hate to, be absent
In my mind, I fight for, a Balance