Max Murray - MAX Lyrics

If I'm honest, for the longest, I've been upset with you
For everything you did and all the hell you put me through
What were you thinking? Did you think there would never be consequences for your actions?
Looking back, you were such a fool
I understand that you were nothing but a little kid
But still, I just can't wrap my head around some of the things you did
It took me years to get over the kind of pain that you inflicted on yourself
For what? Some of those memories still make me sick
Sometimes I wonder what was going through that mind of yours
Wish I could travel back in time and set you back on course
You discovered very young that when it rains, it pours
And everything that you'd experience would rock you to your core
There are parts of you that I can't stand to think of now
Maybe there's a reason we don't talk when others are around
Are we afraid of what they'd say if they knew everything that we did?
Or afraid if we let 'em in they'd let us down?
I hate how secretly selfish you were, you hid it well
Because of you I found it really hard to love myself
For the longest I doubted my faith and thought that hell was
Where I was headed, but thank God now I'm somewhere else
I hate the way that you acted like everything was good
You played the people and deceived 'em like you knew you could
You got to sit up on your pedestal, was it worth it?
If I could go back and make you different, you know I would
You were there like everybody else on Sunday morning
And the next day you'd be right back at it watching porn
I hope you know that your choices left a lot of scars
If I could ask you anything I'd ask what you did it for
But those are the questions I'm not be able to answer
And I'm not gonna let you live up here in my head forever
Way too long I carried all of your baggage on my shoulders
But now I'm letting go of you for good, the battle is over

I have struggled, I have fought
With the memories and the thoughts
Of my past, of the truth
Dark paths and broken views
That's what it been, that's what you caused
Nothing but sin, so many flaws
Almost lost myself because of you
So I'm letting you go
Now I'm someone new

I don't even know how to put what I'm thinking into words
And much less, try to fit it all into a verse
You were always stealing love, and stealing joy, and stealing peace from me
But more than that, you were causing hurt
You hurt my body with your greediness and selfish ways
You hurt my mental by telling me I would never change
You hurt my spirit by saying that God would never take me as I am
And saying I was someone He could never save
You were young and dumb but you were smart too
Hiding everything from everybody wasn't hard to do
Is there a reason that you always loved the nighttime?
Is it because deep down you were dark too?
Just like the web you would scroll on for hours
Watching things people only ever see in their dreams
And actually, you're probably the only one who had those type of dreams
'Cause normal people never watch those type of things
Max, I hate that version of you
You gave in to an addiction that took over your youth
I'm not just talking 'bout the videos or what you consumed
I'm talking all about the thing that led you far from the truth
I'm talking all about the gift you went on to abuse
You discovered it pretty young, and it left you confused
And no matter the time, you would do it every chance you got
Turned into something that you couldn't refuse
The truth is you caused nothing but pain
The truth is that I really hate hearing your name
'Cause every time I think about it, I go back to the place
When He was calling it daily but you were running away
So I'm letting go of you and giving "Max" a new meaning
I'm chasing after the Father, and this time I really mean it
I wanna be a light for the King, and I hope they can see it
There's a book called the Bible, and maybe you should go read it, Max

I have struggled, I have fought
With the memories and the thoughts
Of my past, of the truth
Dark paths and broken views
That's what it been, that's what you caused
Nothing but sin, so many flaws
Almost lost myself because of you
So I'm letting you go
Now I'm someone new