[ Featuring Death Becomes Her Original Broadway Cast, Jennifer Simard ]
So tell me, Ernest, what would you do to me? Aesthetically?
A lift, a tuck, a freeze, a suck, some filler in the chin?
Oh, goodness, no
No, really, tell me, Ernest, if you had your way with me
Medically, are we talking face, chest, thighs, breasts?
Oh, God, I don't know where to begin
What about the vein on my leg?
I stressed it out from doing squats on the reg
Do you have time on Tuesday to squeeze me in?
I told you, Ernest doesn't really do that
But she's a friend, Tuesday's doable
Mm, doable, huh?
So, tell me, Ernest, how much have you seen of me, cinematically?
The roms, the coms, the rom-coms, the dramas, the dramedies, the straight-to-DVDs
No, really, Ernest, how often have you watched me?
Uh, sporadically
What?
I really liked the one where you were fighting with a sword
Oh, 'Thrust'
That was her first Razzie award
You know I did all my own stunts
I only injured all of my co-stars once
Now swordplay foreplays one of my specialties
We need another bottle
I must be boring you senseless
I'm just so thrilled that you both are here
Treat her well, I haven't seen her this happy in years
Well, here, here
Thank you, bye, that's sincere
Cheers
I'm so glad we did this
Well, this has been so much fun, but oh, gosh, look at the time
Oh, please, you don't have anywhere else to be
Our Helen, always worrying
But tell me, Ernest
How's Helen in the sack?
Mad
Just curious
I've known this girl for twenty years
And never have I ever heard her make a uh-uh-woah
Hey
Oh, lighten up, Ernest
We should be heading back
Uh-oh, she's furious
Come on, now
You know I'm just having fun
Ooh, we've only begun
A toast to friends for life
That's right, you're stuck with me, Ernie
Thank your wife
Well, it's been fun, but we gotta go
I think I'm done, gotta hit the road
I must be boring you senseless
Oh, we must be boring you
I'm just so thrilled that we're out of here
We should do this again
How's next week?
How's next year?
Cheers, cheers
I'm so glad
So glad
So f*cking glad
We did this
