[ Featuring Michael James Scott, John Eric Parker, Lawrence Stallings, Rema Webb, Maia Nkenge Wilson, Tommar Wilson, Darlesia Cearcy, Ta'rea Campbell, Tyson Jeanette, Brian Tyree Henry ]
And now we wish to honour you with the story of Joseph Smith The American Moses!
Well this is very good, praise Christ
Mormon!
I'm going to take you back in time! (mormon)
To the United States year 1823 (mormon)
A small and odd village called oopstate New York (oopstate)
There was Disease, and famine (so sick)
But also in the village lived a simple farmer who would change everything
His name was Joseph Smith
Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya
Joseph Smith, American Moses!
Praise be to Joseph! American prophet man
Ay! My name is Joseph Smith, and I'm going to f*ck this baby!
What?!
No no Joseph! Don't f*ck the baby!
Joseph Smith, don't f*ck the baby!
Suddenly the clouds parted
And Joseph Smith was visited by God!
Joseph Smith, do not f*ck a baby
I'll get rid of your AIDS if you f*ck this frog
Ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya
Joseph Smith f*cked the frog god gave him
And his AIDS went away!
Then a great wizard named Moroni came down from the Starship Enterprise
Joseph Smith! Your village is shit!
You should lead the villagers to a new village
Take these f*cking golden plates (away)
And on the plates were written the directions to a new land
Sal Tlay Ka Siti! (Sal Tlay Ka Siti!)
Joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates
Liberation! Equality! No more slavery for oopstate Mormon people!
I got de golden plates! (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people! (we head west)
We gotta stick together! (for months)
We gotta help each other! (we will for months)
And so we climb the mountain! (we head west)
And we cross the river (we head west)
And we fight the oppression! (for months)
By being nice to everyone (we are Mormons)
Not so fast Mormons! You shall not pass my mountain!
(Down from the mountain look who comes! The American warman, Brigham Young!
Yes! I am Brigham Young!
I cut off my daughter's clitoris
That made god angry so he turned my nose into a clit for punishment!
(Brigham Young, his nose was a clitoris)
What will you do Joseph? Will you fight the clitoris man?
Not fight him, help him! (oh)
Joseph Smith took his magical f*ck frog and rubbed it upon Brigham Young's clit-face
And behold, Brigham was cured!
Joseph Smith! Magical AIDS frog!
Brigham Young, frog on his clit-face!
Brigham Young was so grateful, he decided to join the Mormons and their journey
Compassion!
Courtesy!
Let's be really f*cking polite to everyone!
I got de golden plates! (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people! (we head west)
We gotta stick together! (for months)
Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad (oh)
After travelling for so long
The Mormons ran out of fresh water
And became sick, with dysentery
(Water go to the water, water go to the cup
Cup go to the stomach, shit come out the butt
Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
Shit go down the stomach, shit come out the butt)
Oh f*ck!
Oh no! The prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick!
(Shit go in the water, water go in the cup
Cup go to the thirsty, shit go to the stomach
Blood come out the butt
Blood go in the water, water go in the cup
Cup to the the cup
Shit blood in the stomach, shit blood in the mouth
Shit blood on the insides, water come out the butt)
Brigham Young, you must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the promise land!
Desperation!
Mortality!
Loss of faith!
Ah, got the golden plates (gold plates)
I gunna lead the people (we head west)?
Even though their prophet had died
The Mormons stuck together
And helped each other
And were really nice to everyone they came across
And then one day, the Mormons finally found
Sal Tlay Ka Siti! (Sal Tlay Ka Siti!)
And then, the Mormons danced with ewoks
And were greeted by Jesus!
Welcome Mormons!
Now, let's all have as many babies as we can
And make big, Mormon families!
Woohoo!
F*ck your woman, f*ck your man
It is all part of God's plan
Mormons help God as they can
Here in Salt Lake City land!
Thank you! Thank you
For now we are f*cking
Thank you! Thank you
Come god wants us f*cking
Thank you! Thank you
But get back to f*cking
Thank you! Thank you god!
Joseph Smith f*ck frog
Brigham Young clit face
Shit come out the but
Jesus says f*ck f*ck Mormons
