NOFX - Is It Too Soon If Time is Relative? Lyrics

I don't feel like moving, I don't feel like talking
I'm feelin' a little Stephen Hawking today
I barely feel like rollin', there's no way I'm rockin'
I'm feeling a little Stephen Hawking, hey, hey, hey

When I saw him on TV, I thought he looked crazy
Then my friend John told me that he's just really lazy
So lazy, he could only write a brief history of time
He may be smart, but to me he's just a creepy narcoleptic mime

Whoa, whoa

I wanna be like Stephen, so I'm gonna walk uneven
And having a little trouble breathing, hey, hey, hey
I'm gonna live by gravitational law
I'm gonna try drink a cheeseburger through a straw
And make my hand look more like a lobster claw, hey, hey, hey

But being Stephen must be kind of a drag
It looks like even his teeth are starting to sag
I thought he had a tail he was trying to wag
But then I learned the tail was a tube
'Cause he's so lazy, he poops in a colostomy bag

Whoa, whoa

Oh, Stephen, oh, Stephen, you give me something to believe in
I don't wanna hear him, I don't wanna see him
I think he might have melted in a wax museum
Oh Stephen, oh Stephen, are you a robot posing as a human being?
Oh Stephen, oh Stephen, you used to give us all a super creepy feeling