Operation Kino - Plastic Lights Lyrics

Surrounded by myself
In and out
This is all out
Am I destined to pretend?

Contentedly waiting for everything to start
You said to shoot for the stars
That became plastic lights
Glinting through the murk

But this is not me
Not who I want to be
I am me
I am the umpire
Of my own destiny
Now I realise
That this is my chance to grow

At a loss, I strive
To be whole (Plastic lights in my eyes)
At a loss, I strive
To be me (Plastic lights in my eyes)
At a loss, I strive
To be who I always wanted to be

In stalemate with my mind
I see your success
As my failure
Desperate in my own jealousy
This judgement of vapid indignation
Is my crutch to keep telling myself
That I am not enough

Success. What does it mean?
I don't know