anaesthesia Video (MV)

I'll catch the sparks that fly off of you as you crash off this bridge
Leaving desperately
Incessantly
We tried
To erase away the day
An all-too-healthy way of escapism
Gaslight myself into believing everything is fine
I think it's the only way I could handle seeing your heart resign
There's someone I want to see
But it's hard to make out all of your ashes in the breeze
Lights out
Don't know how to be without
To think about how you were on the way out
Felt like a gunshot to the chest
Not enough to try my best
Collapsed to the floor
She dragged me out the door
Tried to nurse me back to health with some makeshift sutures
But the stitches left with her
Just for me to learn to live with this wound dehiscence
Cope with its insistence
She proved her lack of permanence
Just like she said she would
I couldn't blame her
Like it was already said and done, riding off into the sunset
Throw caution to the wind
Find some shelter within
Warm up by the fire
Know we're both such bad liars
Say these wounds aren't so dire
Yet we believed it anyway
Anyway
The buried memory of an early spring day
In awe of how much I took it all for granted
In the brief moment that it lasted
I wouldn't dare speak of you in past tense
But it's been a while now
It's probably time to move on
But I'm always late
Antiquated
Ol' fashioned
Bleeding out
In your arms
Playing out a scene
From an old movie
Watch me inhale deep
Making excuses
Anything to lose this feeling that it was useless
And that image in my head
Just take my memory away if that's all I need it for
Maybe it's not such a bad way to go
Or maybe it is
Is there even any such thing?
Do I even wanna know?