Pariah - Caustic Thoughts Lyrics

It's been awhile since I felt myself
Starin' at the cards that I dealt myself
Thinkin' I'd be fine if I killed myself
Swear that I'd be lyin' if it didn't affect my health
I'mma tell you like my guy told me
Imma prolly die 'fore I see money
I saw mommy cry over divorce lawyer fees
They say life is sweet, but it's sordid to me
Forced to forfeit my dreams
I couldn't afford shit to eat
Four weeks of Chef Boyardee
Lookin' in the mirror only corpses I see
Gotta pay the headless horseman his fee
I hear the wind whisking through the trees
Whispers from the breeze tellin' me to leave
So consider this a last-ditch effort
I can hardly talk feelin' captive to the pressure
Sorry Ma, I ain't tryna catch another lecture
You can betcha ass he rap's Hannibal Lecter
Straight out the lab like Dexter
I put this on my mother and father
I'mma prolly die a Pariah or martyr
Somehow I knew this since a toddler
You're no one til' slaughtered; cold cartilage
And when you're gone, tell 'em what it cost ya

"Yeah that's beautiful, that's beautiful..."

Yah, these thoughts caustic, gotcha caught up on what the cost is
But losses ain't losses when they the shit that got you started
Throat scarred up, coughing, gnawing on a lozenge 'til the coffin
Guess I don't really see the ma'f*ckin' problem
It's beautiful ain't it?
How the pain paint the canvas
And the slang slang the damage
Got this goddamn game gamed and ran it
(Watch me peel off another layer of the bandage)

Pause long breath, thoughts condense, exhausted? Yes, 'cause some stress
Stalk success, f*ck the rest, cross the crest, remark: 'I'm blessed',
Accost the vet? Talk nonsense. Flaunt ya rep? Not impressed
Sorry bitch, where will you be when the f*cking karma hit?
Realizations that I was strung along
Overly accommodate my confidants
When we reconnect we don't talk for long
Life throwin' me hurdles like I'm playin' Donkey Kong
I sorted sheep so that I could sleep
No shortage of sheets to haunt my dreams
I soared through the week on steam of a fleeting scheme
These sores in my cheek score the songs I sing
And if I forget the lyrics Imma rock off the top
They closed the doors, I chopped off the locks
Too many rappers I done knocked off they spot
If you show me the target Imma cock, lock the shot
And I'm the best to ever take a stab at it
No emphasis added or asterisk after it
Known to smoke a whole batch of spliffs to its ashy tips
And shat mad bricks, over bastards kids, like the master wiz, was straight snackin' on laxatives
F*ck this sad shit, real rap hits I'm back to it

"Yeah that's beautiful, that's beautiful..."

Yah, these thoughts caustic, gotcha caught up on what the cost is
But losses ain't losses when they the shit that got you started
Throat scarred up, coughing, gnawing on a lozenge 'til the coffin
Guess I don't really see the ma'f*ckin' problem
Do you?
I don't really see the ma'f*ckin' problem
("Yeah that's beautiful, that's beautiful...")
I don't really see the ma'f*ckin' problem (Problem... problem...)