Paulo Santo - I thought about it Lyrics

I definitely thought about suicide a couple times, even though I show no signs
Smiling to my teeth, for my grandma I be grinning
Sending to my keep, for the people that be winning
Who gon' tell me how to be a man when I'm stunted
Lack of emotional empathy, cause my mama thinks I'm a narc instead
I been feeding all on my demons, releasing all of my pain that bothers the keepings
I was only getting started for a little bit
Take a sip, that's that real shit, nigga take a shit
And if you wanna get to know me, that's it
I'm consciously catching shit, if you catch my drift
I think my mama hates me, cause I look like shit
Cause if I look like shit, that means I am a bitch
And if I am a bitch, that means I look like my father
In her eyes, I'm a rodent
If you wanna play so stupid, I'ma decode it
Cause I ain't call my father a bitch, that's what my mom calls it
And I been thinking for a way out
Ever since I lost myself, I been way out
I don't do no f*cking drugs, but I'm f*cking loaded
Shotgun with the slugs means I'm way loaded
I definitely thought about suicide a couple times, even though I show no signs
Smiling to my teeth for my grandma, I be grinning
Sending to my keep for the people that be winning