Untrained, Not for Lack of Trying Video (MV)

The pain is much, I won't discuss
The fact you disgust me throw you out like a discuss
You fought and fussed, guess it wasn't enough
Now you went and lost your Neph, that's tough
Search and destroy, musta been your overall mission
Lack of trust was evident bitch assume the position
Heighten the drama? Or heighten the tension
Were we really that bad to deserve detention
Our love was guaranteed but you killed the pension
Your management skills ain't worth a mention
You dropped us but I seek the rise, the ascension
Like a spar with one sword, you losing at fencing
I looked up to you as my Uncle - as a king
Dreams that one day you'd take me under your wing
But you can only hope for so much for those out of touch
We all know you were jealous of mom so hush
I think I've accrued abandonment issues
Went from, "person I miss you" to "now I feel misused"
Abuse at an all time high, but I'll refrain
Can't blame these deadbeats they must be untrained
Cuz why would family wanna see you die
Try to poison a past with disrespect and lies
The people closest to you can hurt you the most
One moment they love you and the next they're ghost
I think I've accrued abandonment issues
Went from, "person I miss you" to "now I feel misused"
Abuse at an all time high, but I'll refrain
Can't blame these deadbeats they must be untrained
Cuz why would family wanna see you die
Try to poison a past with disrespect and lies
The people closest to you can hurt you the most
One moment they love you and the next they're ghost
Homie this ain't a diss but with my pad I write
A quick note to you addressing our fight
You were a close pal one I trusted with my life
You stabbed, twisted, all but pulled out the knife
Woulda took a bullet for you if it came to it
You might laugh that off as bull but dawg real spit
Our paths diverged from there emerged a rift
We could have talked it out but now our bond off a cliff
And now it's diff, difficult to go back
To that kinship we had, I don't trust you'll do right
The things you said could have my soul in a hearse
But luckily for me I recognize my own worth
To think when I needed life I would call you first
But I won't even credit your name in this verse
Now I know what Fab meant, on Pachangas
A sideways move from dude could turn y'all to strangas
I think I've accrued abandonment issues
Went from, "person I miss you" to "now I feel misused"
Abuse at an all time high, but I'll refrain
Can't blame these deadbeats they must be untrained
Cuz why would family wanna see you die
Try to poison a past with disrespect and lies
The people closest to you can hurt you the most
One moment they love you and the next they're ghost
I think I've accrued abandonment issues
Went from, "person I miss you" to "now I feel misused"
Abuse at an all time high, but I'll refrain
Can't blame these deadbeats they must be untrained
Cuz why would family wanna see you die
Try to poison a past with disrespect and lies
The people closest to you can hurt you the most
One moment they love you and the next they're ghost
I don't mean to sound pessimistic and all that naaa
But that whole Murphy's Law shit
Just seems like it applies to my life now
Yo, I try to eat right, pay the bills
Do everything I can to survive (I know that's right)
Just seem like life holding me back and all that
I've had more than close folks cut like surgery
God's promise for my healing still in perjury
I recognize the chance for character furthering
I shake it off but emotionally it murders me
In my late 20's things changed physically
An illness flourished, it was a mystery
To me, what to do now, it's covering my face
My self-esteem lost, man what a disgrace
Acne-rosacea, more than tough to face yuh
My health taken for granted, beauty can fade uh
Sooner than later, my body fragile like skaters
Plead and beg with my maker, let my pride reinstate
Outer appearance got my soul a tomb in me
Literally a slave to autoimmunity
My naturopath took advantage of my hope
Prescribe everything but the solution his scope
I wonder when I look back will I understand
That, this was the price to pay to be a man
Through all the trials, was it worth the stormy weather
They didn't want Pete to ever ever get better
When I meet God will He tell me why
I had to deal with that kind of strain in my life
Stuck at the beginning, yo it's terrifyin'
Away from progress, though it's not for lack of trying
I feel abandoned from people who called us best friends
I'm passed it all like I'm 100 on my deathbed
Easy to see why my track lacks optimism
Hungover from playing the position of the victim
Speaking of which, why are cats so shiesty?
Do they have my best interests in mind? - unlikely
If it's not ulterior motives they gon' change
The status of my trust mangled and re-arranged
I used to know Christian folks praising Christ loud
But now they street proud, hanging with a gang crowd
I used to know homies with solid values
Now sex and drugs the only things they value
I used to know youngins who would never split
Now they've lost friendship to like 30 different cliques
To hell with these hardships
Can we sail out of this abyss or will we let our grip slip
I wonder when I look back will I understand
That, this was the price to pay to be a man
Through all the trials, was it worth the stormy weather
They didn't want Pete to ever ever get better
When I meet God will He tell me why
I had to deal with that kind of strain in my life
Stuck at the beginning, yo it's terrifyin'
Away from progress, though it's not for lack of trying
I wonder when I look back will I understand
That, this was the price to pay to be a man
Through all the trials, was it worth the stormy weather
They didn't want Pete to ever ever get better
When I meet God will He tell me why
I had to deal with that kind of strain in my life
Stuck at the beginning, yo it's terrifyin'
Away from progress, though it's not for lack of trying