Shel Silverstein - Diet Song Lyrics

Well breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast no butter no jelly no jam

Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks no booze no potatoes no ham

Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried no gravy no biscuits no pie

And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die



So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that's all

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial it's drivin' me straight up the wall

And I'm think' of french fries sausage and waffles spaghetti and cookies and cake

And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream and

I'm starvin' to death when I wake all for your sake



You're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes

But it's bouillon and water for me and you got a lock on the refrigerator

Lord knows where you're hidin' the key

And while I am starvin' for food late at night I'm starvin' for lovin' from you

But you say that when I can see my own dick you'll be glad to look at it too



So supper two pieces of cauliflower raw some beefsteak the size of a nail

One sliced tomato a small dab of slaw I swear I ate better in jail

Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose girl that's the least you can do

And put down that candy bar while I am singin' I'm starvin' my ass off for you

And when I am dead with the insurance paid you'll look down at me and you'll grin

You'll say well the boy tried and he suffered and died

But don't he look good when he's thin