SNL - On the Ground Lyrics

(Saturday Night Live Digital Short)

I was walkin’ through the city streets
and a man walks up to me and hands me the latest energy drink
Run faster. Jump Higher.
Man, I’m not gonna let you poison me.

I threw it on the ground!
You must think I’m a joke!
I ain’t gonna be part of this system!
Man, pump that garbage in another man’s veins!

I go to my favorite hot dog stand
and the dude says, “you come here all the time! Here’s one for free.”
I said, “Man, what I look like, a charity case?”

I took it, and threw it on the ground!
I don’t need your handouts!
I’m an adult!
Please, you can’t buy me hot dog man!

At the farmer’s market with my so-called “girlfriend”
She hands me her cellphone, says it’s my dad.
Man, this ain’t my dad. This is a cellphone!

I threw it on the ground!
What you think I’m stupid?
I’m not a part of this system!
My dad’s not a phone! Duh!

Some poser hands me a cake at a birthday party
What you want me to do with this, eat it?

Happy birthday to the ground!
I threw the rest of the cake too!
Welcome to the real world, jackass!

So many things to throw on the ground
Like this, and this, and that. And even this.
I’m an adult!

Two Hollywood phonys trying to give me their autograph.
Ground! Nobody wants your autograph! Phonys!

Then the two phonys got up. Turns out they had a taser.
And they tased me in the butt hole.
I fell to the ground.
The phonys didn’t let up.
Tasing on my butt hole, over and over.
I was screaming and squirming
My butt hole was on fire!

The moral of this story is: you can’t trust the system!

Man!