In This Moment Video (MV)

If I could go back
I'd follow you inside
I'd pack your bags before midnight, load 'em up and take a drive
I should've kept you with me
I should've kept you safe
I should've done all of the things that haunt me now, so I can't escape
I heard your father died
A year after you passed
Driving drunk on the highway, he swerved right and met his match
And not to live in the "What if"s
But I wonder, what if you'd stayed?
You could've lived out a life, in spite of what you had to face

I'm not saying I blame you
I tried the same for less
But with my back to your tombstone
The Devil tries to make amends

I don't see a purpose
I couldn't if you showed me
I never wanted to be the one to tell Kate's story
And if I'm being honest
I thought I'd go before she did
To honor a life full of love, I'll bleed her name with ink from this pen
I've been avoiding hotels, I sleep in my car when I get the chance
Because in empty parking lots, I can see her shadow dance
I still have her mixtape, but I never put it on
'Cause when I hear that Fallon song, I can hear her sing along

I'm not saying I blame you
I tried the same for less
But with my back to your tombstone
The Devil tries to make amends

I'm not saying I blame you
I tried the same for less
But with my feet on the foreground
I feel an angel's soft caress

You live through polaroids
And unfinished poems
Through old mixtapes
And reasons not to play 'em
Through the crucifix I still wear on my wrist
And the way you explained your attempt to get better
I keep 'em close to me, with your open letter

I'm not saying I blame you
I tried the same for less
But with my back to your tombstone
The Devil tries to make amends

I'm not saying I blame you
I tried the same for less
But with my feet on the foreground
I feel an angel's soft caress

I turned around and I saw it was you