Welcome to Nowhere Lyrics by Katrina Lenk, John Cariani & Etai Benson

DINA:
Let me tell you about Petah Tikva
Such a city, everybody loves it!
Lots of fun, lots of art, lots of culture
That Petah Tikva, with a "P"

Where you are, this is not Petah Tikva
Such a city, nobody knows it!
Not a fun, not an art, not a culture
This is Bet Hatikvah, with a "B"

IZIK:
Like in "boring"

PAPI:
Like in "barren"

IZIK:
Like in "bullshit"

PAPI:
Like in "bland"

DINA:
Like in "basically bleak and beige and blah, blah, blah..."
Stick a pin in a map of the desert
Build a road to the middle of the desert
Pour cement on the spot in the desert
That's Bet Hatikvah

ALL:
Welcome to Nowhere!

DINA (spoken):
Behold, where there was once only desert is the town of Bet Hatikvah.
See, apartments! Gaze upon my cafe! While you're here, be sure to go back
And forth between my cafe and the apartments. So much to explore!

PAPI:
Pick a sand hill of your choosing

IZIK:
Take some bricks that no one's using

DINA:
Build some buildings, put some Jews in

ALL:
Then blah, blah, blah...

IZIK:
Bet Hatikvah!

ALL:
Here you are, in renowned Bet Hatikvah!
Go ahead, look around Bet Hatikvah!
Lucky you, you have found Bet Hatikvah!
Welcome to Nowhere!

PAPI (spoken):
With a "B"!

ALL:
Welcome to Nowhere!