Kimberly Akimbo Album Lyrics

---

Skater Planet

(Victoria Clark, Justin Cooley, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan & Nina White)

What if we get caught?
Who cares? It's not like any of this counts
Last Uno hand before Bio, I'm dealing, everyone in
What do you mean none of this counts?
I mean, high school, this town, it's not even real life
It's just the crap you have to get through before you get to the good part
And what's the good part?
Um, the rest of our lives

It's another day in purgatory, we're just counting down the days
To a future that's uncharted, sure the road ahead is bright
But we haven't even started, the road ahead is bright
We're just waiting to get started

Reverse
Reverse back to you
Uno!

Someday college (someday) (MIT)
Write a novel (law degree)
Flat in London (job in Rome)
Perfect marriage, happy home
Which I swear will never be in New Jersey

La-la, la-la, la-la
La-la, la-la, la-la, la

Kim
Huh?
Blue 5 to you
Oh, sorry
I'm out!
I'm terrible at this game!

---

Hello, Darling

(Alli Mauzey)

Hello, darling
It's me, your mother
You're in my belly right now
And sometimes you kick me
Isn't that precious?
Isn't that precious?
Hey, guess what
I have no hands!
Just kidding

I have hands but I just can't use them
Not yet at least
But just soon as the stitches heal
I had carpal tunnel
Both hands

All those years in Lodi took their toll
Sixteen years I worked in the Sunshine cupcake factory
Pumping cream into those Ding Dong knock-offs
Sixteen years of
Squeezing, squeezing, squeezing that goddamn cream gun
I should sue
I should sue
I tried actually but they said I made the whole thing up
How crazy is that?
Why would I get operations on both hands
If I did not need them?

Anyway, darling
I have things to tell you
And this video may be the only way to do it
Because, well
There's a high probability that I might be dead soon!

So I won't be around when you're growing up
And this video is the only way for you to know who I was
And I want you to know who I was because
People are going to tell you things about me that just aren't true
Just aren't true
Just aren't true!

But darling
You have to defend me
You have to tell them that I was a lovely person
Caring and thoughtful
And funny
And that you have the tapes to prove it!

It's them

The ones who are going to tell you lies about me
Don't believe a word they say
Not a word
To be continued, goodbye, darling, Mommy loves you

---

Make a Wish

(Victoria Clark)

Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation of New Jersey
Hello and how are you?
My name is Kimberly Levaco
Please see the attached documentation
Informing you of my condition and life expectancy
Do-do-do-do-do
Anyway

It seems like I meet all your qualifications
So lucky me
I see on the form
That you ask for three wishes
You're like a genie
Three wishes
Except you're only going to
Grant one of them
Frowny face
I bet you pick whatever's cheapest
Haha, smiley face

DEBRA (spoken): What are you doing?

KIM (spoken): Alright, first wish

(singing) I want to be a model for a day
A famous fashion muse
In a black Dior cocktail dress
And a pair of Jimmy Choos
I'll run from paparazzi
And throw some diva fits
Then hurry to a photo shoot
With Annie Leibowitz
Everyone will stare at me
But not in the usual way
They'll say that I am beautiful
They'll say that I am beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
For a day
For a day

(spoken) Wish Number Two
Oh!

(singing) I want to take a fancy cruise
On a swanky charter yacht
With fifty of my closest friends
A jaunt to Montserrat
Far from Jersey power lines
Far from Newark Bay
We'll go somewhere that's beautiful
We'll go somewhere that's beautiful
For a day

(spoken) Third wish
Don't want to waste it
I could wish for anything

(singing) What about a tree house?
I always wanted a tree house
No, think big
They'll give me anything
Think big, Kimmy

I'd like a pet of some kind
Maybe a monkey
Who wouldn't want a monkey
I want to hang glide
I want to clog dance
I want to swim at the bottom of waterfall
I want a butler who's a robot
How about a hyperberic chamber
Or a bodyguard
Or stilts, I want to walk on stilts
I want to bungee jump in Sweden
I want to go to China and New Zealand
And St. Louis
I want a jet ski
I want piranha in a fish tank
Piranha in a really big fish tank
I want...
A simple home-cooked meal
A table set for three
A wispy paper napkin resting on my knee
He'll chuckle at her jokes
She'll fill his water glass
They'll ask me how my day was
I'll mention science class
We'll end with cherry cheesecake
And a little Mel Torme
We'll live like normal people live
However normal people live
For a day
For a day
For a day

(spoken) Wish Number Three
A tree house
Thank you for your consideration
Kimberly Levaco

(singing) Smiley face

---

Anagram

(Victoria Clark, Justin Cooley, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan & Nina White)

So, Kimberly is K-I-M-B-E-R-L-Y, and Levaco is L-E-V-

A-C-O

A-C-O

Oh

I'm going to start with the K first because that's
One of the hardest letters

Oh

Kuh, kuh, kuh, kah

Oh

Ka-kay, key, ki, kilo

Oh

Kill, killer, cola, E. coli
Broken. Yoke, yo, yo yokel
Ya, yam, yak, lamb

Oh

Oh, I just found mackerel!

I like the way you see the world
I like your point of view
A little sly, a little strange
A little bit askew
I like the way you look at life
And think outside the box
A little odd, a little off
A bit unorthodox

Lib, libby, libya
KIM:
I like your point of view

Yick, yicky, Mickey, Rickey, icky!

I like the way you make a point (oh)
I like your frame of mind (oh)
A little quick, a little sharp (oh)
A little beat behind (oh)
I like the way you crack a joke (oh)
That no one else will get (oh)
A little dry, a little droll, a little dumb (oh)
And yet (oh)

Okra, cobra, marble, barley

I like your point of view

Bravo, cello, limo, rio, macro, micro, mayo, bakery!

Oh, with the turn of a letter (huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh)
Oh, everything's better (huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh)
I wonder how you see the things you see (Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh)
With a change of perspective (huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh)
Nothing's defective
I wonder what you see
When you look at me
Oh

E, me, my, I, eye, ball

I like the way

Oh

I like the way

Oh

Icky eyeball, icky earlobe

Oh

A little sly

Over, clover

Oh

A little bit

Licker, lickable, lokable, lovable, livable, liver

Oh

I like the way

Oh

A little sly

My liver, my oliver, my locker

A little off, a little

Oh

My blocker, my blacker olive!

I like the way

Oh

I like the way

My rockable veil!

Oh

My crablike love!
Oh, that's awful!

I like the way you understand
I like the way you think
A little weird, a little wise
A little out of sync

Lever, ever, clever
Wait a minute

I like your point of view

Clever, cleaver, limber, Kimberly?

I like

Kimberly Levaco turns into-

I like

Cleverly Akimbo

You

Cleverly Akimbo!

You

That's a pretty good one!
I did my grandmother's name and got "Arabian beard"

---

Better

(Bonnie Milligan, Victoria Clark, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan & Nina White)

When opportunity knocks
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns
Grab life by the balls
You gotta take the reins
Break the rules
So you can make your shitty life
Better

(spoken)
You gotta grab the good stuff before it's gone
'Cause once it's gone, it don't come back

(sung)
I met a nice guy
At the dog track
He was tall, he was Greek
He was possibly gay
He needed a green card
I needed the cash
We got married in Passaic last May
You should have seen the dress I wore
It was haute couture and it was

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Beautiful

(DEBRA, SHOWCHOIR)
You shoulda seen the dress I wore (Ooh-la-la-la, ooh-la-la)
Yeah I stole it
It made my life shitty better

When opportunity knocks (-tunity knocks)
When possibility calls (-bility calls)
Take the bull by the horns (Bull by the horns)
Grab life by the balls (Life by the balls)
You gotta earn a buck (He was tall, he was Greek)
Turn a trick (Possibly gay)
So you can

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Make your life shitty life
Better

(KIMBERLY, spoken)
So you're married?

(DEBRA, spoken)
Widowed, actually

(KIMBERLY, spoken)
What?
(DEBRA, spoken)
It's a long story

(DEBRA, SHOWCHOIR)
I met a lady (Hoo-hoo)
With dementia
She was old, she was sweet (Hoo-hoo)
She was legally blind
She needed a roommate
I needed a room
I was outta work

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
She was outta her mind

(DEBRA)
You shoulda seen the rings she wore

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Let me underscore that they were
Beautiful

(DEBRA)
She gave me all the rings she wore
Yeah, she thought I was her daughter but
They make my shitty life
(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Better

(SHOWCHOIR)
Better, better

When opportunity knocks (-tunity knocks)
When possibility calls (-bility calls)
Take the bull by the horns (Bull by the horns)
Grab life by the balls (Life by the balls)
You gotta catch a break (Ooh)
Snatch a purse (Ooh)
So you can

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Make your shitty life

(KIMBERLY, spoken)
This is your advice?
To take advantage of sick old ladies?

(DEBRA, spoken)
No!
Not just them!

(sung)
Hey
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
When life gives you lemons
When life gives you lemons
When life gives you
Oh
Lemons

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
You

(SHOWCHOIR)
You gotta go out

(DEBRA)
You gotta go

(SHOWCHOIR)
You gotta go out

(DEBRA)
You gotta go out

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
You gotta go out

(DEBRA)
And steal apples
'Cause who the f*ck wants lemons?!
Yeah

(SHOWCHOIR)
When opportunity knocks

(DEBRA)
Yeah

(SHOWCHOIR)
When possibility calls

(DEBRA)
Yeah

(SHOWCHOIR)
Take the bull by the horns
Grab life by the balls

(DEBRA, SHOWCHOIR)
You gotta hustle hard (She was old)
You gotta muscle through (She was sweet)
So you can make (She was)
Your shitty life

(SHOWCHOIR)
Legally blind!

(DEBRA)
Better!

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
When opportunity knocks
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns

(DEBRA, SHOWCHOIR)
Grab life by the balls
You gotta seize those balls! (You gotta seize them)
Squeeze those balls! (You gotta squeeze them)
So you can make your (You gotta make your life)
Shitty life

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Better
Shitty little life better
You gotta make your life
Better

(SHOWCHOIR)
Shitty little life better
You gotta make your life better
Shitty little life better
You gotta make your life better

(DEBRA)
You gotta make it

(SHOWCHOIR)
You gotta make your shitty

(DEBRA, SHOWCHOIR)
You gotta make your shitty life (Life)

(DEBRA & SHOWCHOIR)
Better

---

Hello, Darling #2

(Alli Mauzey)

Hello, darling
It's me, your mother
You're in my belly right now
And sometimes you kick me
Isn't that precious?
Isn't that precious?
Hey, guess what
I have no hands!
Just kidding

I have hands but I just can't use them
Not yet at least
But just soon as the stitches heal
I had carpal tunnel
Both hands

All those years in Lodi took their toll
Sixteen years I worked in the Sunshine cupcake factory
Pumping cream into those Ding Dong knock-offs
Sixteen years of
Squeezing, squeezing, squeezing that goddamn cream gun
I should sue
I should sue
I tried actually but they said I made the whole thing up
How crazy is that?
Why would I get operations on both hands
If I did not need them?

Anyway, darling
I have things to tell you
And this video may be the only way to do it
Because, well
There's a high probability that I might be dead soon!

So I won't be around when you're growing up
And this video is the only way for you to know who I was
And I want you to know who I was because
People are going to tell you things about me that just aren't true
Just aren't true
Just aren't true!

But darling
You have to defend me
You have to tell them that I was a lovely person
Caring and thoughtful
And funny
And that you have the tapes to prove it!

It's them

The ones who are going to tell you lies about me
Don't believe a word they say
Not a word
To be continued, goodbye, darling, Mommy loves you

---

Father Time

(Alli Mauzey)

Father Time
Slow down the day
Don't let the dark come and
Steal it away
For goodness sake
We're still awake
And baby wants to play

Father Time
Hold back the night
Please let the sun stay and
We'll be alright
Tell the man in the moon
It's much too soon
To be turning out the light

Baby's eyes are heavy now
Baby's breath is deep
Mommy wants to baby her
Baby wants to sleep

Father Time
Are you there?
Maybe tomorrow you'll have
Time to spare
And so I pray
For another day

Baby's eyes are heavy now
Baby's breath is deep
Mommy wants to baby her
Baby wants to sleep

Father Time
Are you there?
Maybe tomorrow you'll have
Time to spare
And so I pray
For another day

Father, hear my prayer
Father, hear my prayer
Father, hear my prayer

---

Happy for Her

(Steven Boyer, Victoria Clark & Justin Cooley)

I should be happy she found a friend
Someone to talk to, someone to study with
Someone to share a joke, someone to buddy with

Heh, "buddy with"

I should be happy for her
Happy, happy
Happy for her
I should be happy

And "a gentleman" can be rearranged to spell "elegant man!"

But does he have to be so weird
And does he have to talk so much
And do they have to sit so close
And do their kneecaps have to touch?
Why is he sitting in the front?
Why is his tuba in the back?
Jesus, Buddy, take a breath
He's just a harmless brainiac

Hey, you guys wanna share my muffin?

Nope! No food in my car!

What are you doing?

That was my breakfast

I should be happy she likes a boy
Someone who's friendly
Someone who's well-behaved
Someone who's not tattooed
Someone who's never shaved

I should be happy for her
Happy, happy
Happy for her
I should be happy

"A duck with hiccups!"
That's so good!

But I don't like the way this feels
And I don't want to see them flirt
And I don't want him near my Kim
'Cause I don't want her getting hurt
I think I need to shut this down
I think I've let it go too far
I need to nip this in the bud
I need to stop this speeding car

Enough!
My daughter is a precious flower, I won't allow her to be picked!

Oh, God!

What?

Now, I'm not trying to be mean
And I don't mean to be a jerk
But I remember how this goes
And I know how the hormones work

What did I do?

Please stop

I know I'm getting huffy
But he's all up in my face
'Cause you let him in my car
Which you know is sacred space!

Cut it out!

Maybe you're just mad
I understand, but that's enough
By the way, you didn't fool me
With that 'share a muffin' stuff

I-

I may not be the brightest
But I'm smarter than I look
And I know what boys are after
'Cause kid, I wrote the book

Wow!

Dad!

Your mom and I had urges
I'm not saying that they're wrong
But they come with repercussions
That's how babies come along

What?!

Babies?!

You're a horny little punk
Who thinks that maybe there's a chance
But I swear to God, Weetis
You're not getting in her pants!

Ew!

You're not getting in her pants
You're not getting in her pants
You're not getting in her pants
You're not getting in her pants
Her pants
Her pants, pants, pants, pants
Pants, pants
Pants!

---

This Time

(Victoria Clark, Justin Cooley, Steven Boyer, Alli Mauzey, Bonnie Milligan, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan, Nina White & Kimberly Akimbo Original Broadway Cast)

Do you remember what you said?
How you hated me and wished I was dead
That you hoped I'd drive off the road
Then I'd hit a tree, and my car would explode
Well, I thought to myself
That can't be good for a daughter to say
And I thought to myself
I should do this another way

(KIMBERLY)
Maybe this time
Maybe this time
After all the lies
After all the beer
Maybe he can change
Maybe he's sincere
Maybe
This time

(PATTIE)
Do you remember what you said?
How I reminded you of that story you read
And at first, I felt kind of thrilled
'Til you explained who Medea had killed
Well, I thought to myself
That can't be good for a daughter to say
And I thought to myself
I should do this another way

(KIMBERLY)
Maybe this time
Maybe this time
After all the hurt
Maybe there's a twist
Maybe she won't be a narcissist
I want to believe them
I want to believe
This time
I will believe

This time
Oh, this time
Oh, this time
I put aside the doubt
This time
Oh, this time
Oh, this time
Maybe things work out

(DEBRA)
This time
Oh, this time
This time
The dead ends will end
(SETH & (DEBRA))
This time (This time)
Oh, this time (This time)
Oh

(BOTH)
This time

(SETH)
I think I found a friend

(SHOWCHOIR)
It's Friday night in Bergen County
There are parties everywhere
And we finally got invited!

(ALL)
This time
(Oh) this time
(Oh) this time
A better life begins

It's Friday night in Bergen County (This time)
There are parties everywhere (This time)
This time
Everybody wins
This time
We won't implode
This time
(KIMBERLY)
We hit the road

(ALL)
This time

(BUDDY & PATTIE)
We'll stay on track

(ALL)
This time

(SETH)
My voice won't crack

(ALL)
This time

(SHOWCHOIR)
We take the prize

(ALL)
This time

(DEBRA)
Nobody dies!
Not like the other time

(ALL)
This time
Oh, this time
Oh, this time
No one breaks your heart
This time (This time)
Oh, this time (This time, this time)
Oh
This time

(KIMBERLY)
Nothing falls apart

(BUDDY (spoken))
Make a wish!

(KIMBERLY)
I will believe

(ALL)
This time

---

How to Wash a Check

(Bonnie Milligan, Victoria Clark, Justin Cooley, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan & Nina White)

(Intro: Debra, Seth, Martin)
Alright, listen, this mailbox is filled with checks
Which we're gonna retrieve and wipe clean
Isn't that check fraud?
I mean, what even is "check fraud?"
It's the fraudulent use of checks
Merriam-Webster over here
Okay, let's review
"How to Wash a Check"

(Verse 1)
Tie the fish-line
Open the mailbox
Drop the glue trap
Get a bite
Pull the line up
Take the check out
Make a copy
Do it right

(Refrain)
Or nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want, sing it
Nobody gets what they want, in harmony
Nobody gets what they want

Okay, next steps

(Verse 2)
Soak the checky
In the solvent
Where'd the ink go? (Ooh)
Outta sight
Dry the check off
Forge the Hancock
"To Seth Weetis" (Wait, what?)
Do it right (Did you say Seth Wee-)

(Refrain)
Or everybody ends up in jail (Oh God)
Everybody ends up in jail (Tell me)
Everybody ends up in jail (Remind me)
Everybody ends up in jail

(Interlude)
Good, now you do it

(Verse 3)
Tie the fish line (Right)
Open the mailbox (Good)
Now the glue trap (You didn't peel it)
Where's the fish line? (What are you doing?)
The line is tangled (Jesus)
These fumes are strong (What is happening?)
Who has the glue trap? (I can't peel it)
If you guys cock this up
(Refrain)
Nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want
Nobody gets what they want

(Interlude)
Can't I just reach in the mailbox? My arms are pretty skinny
No, just do it like I said
Got the fish line, got the glue trap
Hand it over
It's so sticky

(Verse 4)
I think my arm's stuck (What?)
Inside the mailbox? (Oh shit, his arm's stuck)
Stuck in the mailbox (I said not to do that)
Stuck in the mailbox (I'm sorry)
Pull it out (I can't)
Try to relax (It's eating my arm)

(Refrain)
The glue trap is stuck to my head (How did you-)
The glue trap is stuck to my head
The glue trap is stuck to her head (Of course it is)
The mailbox is eating my arm (Kill me)
The mailbox is eating- The glue trap is stuck to-
Everybody's going to jail
Everybody's going to jail, sing it
Everybody's going to jail
(Interlude)
Ugh, you know what? You're terrible at this
Maybe I should've recruited the Show Choir from West Orange
No, we are better than West Orange
We can do this, you guys!
Tenor! Alto! Bass! Watch!

(Verse 5)
Tie the fish line
Open the mailbox
Drop the glue trap
Get a bite (Okay)
Pull the line up
Take the check out
Make a copy
Do it right (You're getting my hopes up)
Soak the checky, soak the checky
Soak the checky (Aloha)
In the solvent, in the solvent
In the solvent (Mahalo)
Where'd the ink go? Where'd the ink go?
Where'd the ink go? (I'm gonna learn to hula on Waikiki Beach)
Outta sight, outta sight, outta sight
Dry the check off, dry the check off, dry the check off
Forge the Hancock, forge the Hancock, forge the Hancock
"To Seth Weetis," "To Seth Weetis," "To Seth Weetis"
We did it right (I knew you would)
Yay!

(Outro)
Then you get the costumes you need (Oh, woah)
We get the costumes we need
Yeah, and Kim gets a family trip (Oh, woah)
Kim gets a family trip
And I get to Waikiki Beach (Oh, woah)
And you get to Waikiki Beach
And Seth gets
Oh, I don't really need anyth- (Doesn't matter)
Everybody gets what they want, yeah
Everybody gets what they want, yeah
Everybody gets what they want

---

Good Kid

(Justin Cooley)

My brother played with nunchucks
I liked playing chess
My brother broke the knick-knacks
I would clean the mess
I ate my peas and carrots
My brother never would
And as my mother died
I promised to be good

The good kid, the good boy, the good one
The bookworm, the Boy Scout, the good son
What has it gotten me, being good?
What has it gotten me?

My father smokes in silence
And paces in the yard
My brother goes to rehab
I study twice as hard

The good kid, the good boy, the good one
The unseen, the unheard, the good son
What has it gotten me, being good?

Maybe a little bad
Could do a lot of good
Consider Frodo Baggins
Consider Robin Hood
The good kid, the good boy, the good one
The wrong thing, the right choice, in the long run
What has it gotten me, being good?
What has it gotten me, being good?
Being good

---

Hello, Baby

(Steven Boyer)

Hello, Baby
It's me, your daddy
Pattie will be mad I used the camera
I need distraction
I'm not drinking
I promised Kim I wouldn't

(spoken)
See that?

(singing)
I'm a good guy
I don't know what Pattie's been telling you
But you should know
I'm a good guy

(spoken)
So

(singing)
I guess you're coming
Another baby

Huh
You know what's funny?
I never pictured myself a father

(spoken)
I mean, I like kids. I'm just more of a bachelor uncle type
I mean, I don't regret it, I just
When you're young, you imagine yourself doing things, just

(singing)
Crazy unrealistic stuff
I used to think I might live in Spain
I'm not sure why
The bulls, maybe Pamplona
Guys running in streets getting gored
That looked cool
Plus I had a band in high school
I don't think it would've gone anywhere, but
You never know

But then
Pattie got pregnant with Kim
And I was like
Well okay, I guess I'll do this then
Which was fine
It made things easier in some ways
To not have choices I mean
Most guys are
Just guys who go to work
Guys with kids and medical bills
There's no shame in that
Just being a regular person

Still
Do the stupid stuff, baby
You have your whole life to settle down
Keep your options open
For as long as you can
And see the world
See the world
See the world
That's my advice to you

---

Skater Planet (Reprise)

(Justin Cooley, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan, Nina White & Victoria Clark)

What if we get caught?
Who cares? It's not like any of this counts
Last Uno hand before Bio, I'm dealing, everyone in
What do you mean none of this counts?
I mean, high school, this town, it's not even real life
It's just the crap you have to get through before you get to the good part
And what's the good part?
Um, the rest of our lives

It's another day in purgatory, we're just counting down the days
To a future that's uncharted, sure the road ahead is bright
But we haven't even started, the road ahead is bright
We're just waiting to get started

Reverse
Reverse back to you
Uno!

Someday college (someday) (MIT)
Write a novel (law degree)
Flat in London (job in Rome)
Perfect marriage, happy home
Which I swear will never be in New Jersey

La-la, la-la, la-la
La-la, la-la, la-la, la

Kim
Huh?
Blue 5 to you
Oh, sorry
I'm out!
I'm terrible at this game!

---

Our Disease

(Victoria Clark, Justin Cooley, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan & Nina White)

Our disease, our disease
Our disease, our disease
Our disease, our disease

Is scurvy, scurvy, scurvy

Scu, scurvy

Which is a lack of vitamin C disease
That occurs when your body gets no citrus
It killed a bunch of old-timey sailors, argh

Complications caused my scurvy may affect

Your teeth

Your skin

Your teeth

Your blood cells

Teeth

And bones

Among others

Scurvy can be difficult to diagnose
Because its symptoms often those of

Other ailments

The most distinctive sign of scurvy is
A really bad case of

Gum disease

Which occurs in many

But not all cases

Of scurvy

Scurvy

Scurvy

Scu

Scurvy

Our disease, our disease
Our disease, our disease
Our disease, our disease

Is fasciolosis
Fasciolosis
Which is a condition caused by an infection
From a parasitic flatworm

It's a microscopic foe

It's a tiny little bug

Found in watercress, my friends

That's a slightly bitter green

Which my father really loved
A watercress fanatic

He ate it by the bushel

Oh, our disease will make your tummy burn like lava

Also, my father had diarrhea

Delia told me all about his diarrhea

They laugh

Daddy was in pain

Agonizing pain

His hiney wasn't well

Itchy and unwell

People need to know
What could be squirming inside their food
So our disease is fasciolosis
Fasciolosis

And now we'll take that A

Our disease, our disease
Our disease, our disease

Is my disease
My disease

Which is an incredibly rare
Genetic disorder
In which several signs of aging
Are manifested at a very early age

Some symptoms may include

Uh-oh

Wrinkled skin, stiff joints, hip dislocation

Wah-wah

Atherosclerosis

This was a-

Molecular degeneration

-terrible idea!

Hypertension

Look at how they're looking at me

Presbycusis

Like I'm a slide, I'm a chart
I'm a freak on display

Cardiac issues

Exhibit A

And general failure to

Well, what about exhibit B?
You wanna know what I see?
Your disease is a bad case of adolescence
Accompanied by anxiety
Peer pressure
Bruised egos
And an over-concern about a science grade
About football games
About who's getting laid
Who's got a zit
Who's doing what
Who gives a shit?!
Your disease is a tough one, that's for sure
Getting older is my affliction
Getting older is your cure

Getting older is your cure
But for me, there is no cure
Few people with my disease
Live longer than sixteen years
And-

I just turned sixteen!

So happy birthday!
My disease!
Oh my, my, my, oh, my disease!
An incredibly rare genetic-

Hotcha!

Disorder!

Pew!

---

The Inevitable Turn

(Alli Mauzey, Steven Boyer, Bonnie Milligan, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan, Nina White & Victoria Clark)

Isn't this nice? Everybody's being so nice
Nothing is wrong, trouble's half passed
Everybody civil and getting along
Will it last?

You should open a restaurant, dad!

Maybe I will

No matter how well things are going
It always takes a turn

No matter how happy we seem
There's always a turn

Just below the pleasant chatter, we're aware
Of a steady burn that'll flair
We push it down

But then we take the turn
We always take the turn
The inevitable turn

Roll?

We fight against the turn
We struggle with the turn
The inevitable turn

Hey, Debra
If you're looking for work, they're hiring at Costco
I hear the pay is not bad

Huh, I should look into that
Thanks for thinking of me, Buddy

Any time

Isn't this sweet? Everybody's being so sweet
Look at us swerve, all on our guard
Everybody's hoping not to take the curve
We're trying so hard

And if you do get a job, you can finally pay me back

No matter how lovely the evening
It always takes a turn
No matter how careful we are
There's always a turn

And despite the friendly banter, we're annoyed
By a topic we should learn to avoid
We never do

Instead we take the turn (we take)
Of course we take the turn (we take)
The inevitable turn

So when you say pay you back-

Debra!

I meant for the stereo you stole

Stole? You agreed to give me that stereo

You guys!

It's all going fine, then it changes so fast
A look, a joke, a slight from the past
Which will burn
Pass the salt, sling the mud
Carve the meat, draw the blood

We had a deal, Buddy

Take the turn

You promised to give me that stereo
If I went next door and slapped Swicky around

Debra!

The Showchoir begins to sing ooh's underneath the dialogue

Wait, what?

Which I went to do! It's not my fault it didn't happen!

You hired Debra to beat up Mr. Swicky?

Well I couldn't do it myself, he's my neighbor!

This is exactly what I don't wanna know!

He did some awful things, Kim

It wasn't just him

Ms. Denton said she saw a masked intruder crawl in his window
Did you wear a mask?

Yes, a pig mask

A pig mask?

I didn't wanna be identified and you told me to scare him

I didn't tell you to kill him!

I didn't know he had a weak heart!
He just took one look at me and dropped dead!

You were wearing a pig mask!
If a pig lady crawled in my window, I'd drop dead too!

That's why we left Lodi, because you stared Swicky to death?

The showchoir stops singing

I should've never told you!
None of this would've even happened, Buddy
If you had never known

Known what?

I really wanted another baby

Patti-

But I was scared

She doesn't wanna know

Scared it would be like me?

So she made sure it wouldn't be

You had sex with Mr. Swicky
So dad hired Aunt Debra to beat him up
But Aunt Debra killed him instead
What is wrong with you people?!

The adults all break out into an argument as Kim slowly leaves the table

No matter how well things are going
It always takes
No matter how happy we seem
There's always
With just a blow of the wind
With a steady burn, with a steady burn
Oh!
We take the turn
Oh, we take the turn

Do you ever stop?!

Kim?

Oh my God

What's happening?

Buddy, help her!

Kimmy?!

---

Now

(Victoria Clark & Justin Cooley)

You think I don't know that people go away?
I know they do, okay
I know they do

Today I brought card games
And books filled with puzzles
And bags full of unhealthy snacks
Today I brought music
By gloomy young women
And marked all the weepiest tracks

Or we can just sit here
And watch a dumb movie
I'll do whatever you say
I'll sit here beside you
And talk 'til we're tired
Then, we can call it a day

And tomorrow we'll do the same, or not
But tomorrow will come anyhow, or not
And if not
Well, there's now
And if not
Well

You say to be present
And live in the moment
But right now I'm stuck in a bed
I'd rather be living
A way better moment
Can't we find that one instead?

And tomorrow we'll do the same, or not
But tomorrow will come anyhow, or not
And if not

Maybe it's time to throw caution to the wind

Maybe it's time to throw caution to the wind

And do something we may regret

And do something we may regret

At least we'll be happy

At least we'll be living

At least in that moment

We'll have a moment

We'll never forget

And tomorrow we'll do the same or not (And tomorrow we'll do the same)
But tomorrow will come anyhow or not (But tomorrow will come)

And if not
Well
There's now, now, now, now, now
There's now, now, now, now, now
There's now

---

How to Wash a Check (Reprise)

(Bonnie Milligan, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan, Nina White & Justin Cooley)

Okay, one more time
This bank's got five branches in Bergen County, and we're going to hit all of them
So let's review: how to cash the checks

Take the Honda
Out to Woodbridge
Up to Teaneck
Then Route Four
Then what?
Stop in Maywood
Hit Paramus
Do Ho-Ho-Kus
That's the score

And everybody gets what they wa-wa-wa-want
Everybody gets what they want
Good
Now remind me, who does what?

I'm the driver
We're the lookout
I'm distraction
Show no fear
Kim's the
Grandma
Seth's the
Grandson
Cash the checkies
Come back here

And everybody gets what they want
What they want
Everybody gets what they want
What they want
Everybody gets what they want
What they want

Sorry I'm late, I was having a panic attack

---

Before I Go

(Victoria Clark, Steven Boyer & Alli Mauzey)

I was never the daughter you wanted
That's the thing we never say
But that's the truth and that's okay
We live in a house that's haunted
There's always you, there's always me
And there's the ghost of a girl I'll never be

There's the ghost of a girl I'll never be
Before I go, let go of the ghost
Just let her disappear
And then maybe you'll see me
While I'm still here
I'm still here

I was never the girl you intended
She was young and she was bold
She'd hold your hand when you got old
Let's admit, the dream has ended
And what you wished for wasn't me
It was the ghost of a girl I'll never be

She's the ghost of a girl I'll never be
Before I go, let's give up the ghost
Just he with me instead
I know I might be dying
But I'm not dead
I'm not dead

So before I go, take my hand
Before I fly away, say goodbye
I will go somewhere that's beautiful
I'll go somewhere that's beautiful
It's time let me go

Father Time

Let me go

Slow down the day

Let me fly away

Don't let the dark come in (you have your whole live)
Steal it away

It's time

For goodness sake (your whole life)
You're still awake

See the world
See the world
See the world

And baby wants to play
And baby wants to play

Oh
Dear Make a Wish Foundation of New Jersey
As you probably know by now
My name is Kimberly Levaco
Thank you for the treehouse
But I don't need a treehouse
I'm gonna bungee jump
I'm gonna jet ski
I'm gonna hang glide and clog dance
And swim at the bottom of a waterfall
In New Zealand

I'll see the world
See the world
See the world
Smiley face

---

Great Adventure

(Victoria Clark, Justin Cooley, Steven Boyer, Alli Mauzey, Bonnie Milligan, Michael Iskander, Olivia Elease Hardy, Fernell Hogan, Nina White & Kimberly Akimbo Original Broadway Cast)

We're on a great adventure
Don't know what we're gonna find
When leaving what's behind behind
But you are by my side

At last, a great adventure
Don't know where the road will bend
Or when we're gonna reach the end

So just enjoy the ride
Because no one gets a second time around

Sadly

No one gets a second time around
We're sailing

We are sailing

To a distant shore

To a distant shore, ooh

Don't know if we'll catch a breeze or
Encounter stormy seas but

You will be my crew

We're sailing

We are sailing

To a new world

To a new world, oh

Don't know how the waves will flow
Or which-a-way the wind will blow
So just enjoy the view
Because no one gets a second time around

Day is dying
We're headed for the setting sun
We're crying
Because we're almost done
Time's flying
It's been a lovely run
And so fun, so fun

On a great adventure
Didn't know the paths we'd take
The sights we'd see
The friends we'd make
With you, my partner-in-crime!
We'll miss this great adventure
You never know, and nor do I
When we will have to say goodbye
So just enjoy the time
Because no one gets a second time
No one gets a second time
No one gets a second time around

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo-oo-oo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo