Stephen Lynch - Bowling Song Lyrics

You watch me on your TV.
Say that my job is easy.
Say I am not athletic.
You think my sport's pathetic.
But you can't judge me 'till you've walked a mile in my bowling shoes.

So I don't get all the ladies.
Got a mullet from the 80's.
I am known throughout the valleys.
As the prophet of the alleys.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets me high.
Kiss those f---in' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling...bowling...god.

Got a ball that's smooth and all black.
I keep it in my favorite ball sack.
I get a feeling in my soul.
As I finger every hole.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets me high.
Kiss those motherf---in' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling...bowling...

Not a single man will try, to beat almighty Malachi.
All who challenge me are slain.
Come on, f---ers pick a lane.
Marshall Home and Gary Dickens, get in line for your ass kickins'.
John Petraglia and Norton Duke, you're so lame it makes me puke.
Who among the pro-bowl sector?
Dares to don his wrist protector?
Not that pussy Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'.
Hey Mark Roth, hey Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' Dickey Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha f*ckas to cream of wheat!

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling god.
The smell of rosin gets me high.
Kiss those f---in' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malachi, the bowling... bowling god! Yeeaahhh!!!
The bowling god!!

[Thanks to ladykara for correcting these lyrics]